Monday, August 29, 2011
But imagine you were going through the most heart-breaking trial of your life. Imagine if the most personal and intimate details of your body and your life became daily fodder for conversation. Imagine if your private pain was accentuated by the rejoicing and celebrations seemingly surrounding you. Imagine if well-meaning friends and acquaintances accidentally inflicted fresh wounds with their good-natured questions. Now imagine you decided to share these extremely private emotions on a public website!
Jess is choosing to share her journey of infertility on her blog. This journey has already been one of immense sorrow, but as her blog title indicates, she and her husband Chad are choosing HOPE. They are clinging to a God whose decisions they don't understand, but who has promised to never leave or forsake them, even in their darkest hour. I have definitely been in favor of her blogging (whenever she was ready) because I know firsthand that sometimes journaling and sharing your thoughts can be healing and can help sort out conflicting emotions. But I also firmly believe that her story (both the pain and the joy) will be a source of encouragement to another couple who are experiencing similar trials. I'm praying fervently that she will one day look back on her blog entries and see how God worked in her life to bring Jess closer to Himself, closer to her husband, and closer to the experiencing the desire of her heart, to be a mother. I humbly beg you to join me in praying, and/or reading and supporting her on the blog!
Jess also happens to have an incredibly busy job, so I doubt she'll be blogging with extreme frequency, but I hope you'll go check it out and become a follower. (Please note: in your supportive comments, please do not tell Jess that if she could just relax and have a less stressful job, then she would get pregnant. Please and thankyou.)
Thursday, August 25, 2011
One problem is that FB doesn't really archive. Once I write down a witty comment or funny happening, I get a few affirming comments, then it disappears into the feed and is quickly forgotten. And mostly, that's not a big deal. Really, my mission statement on FB is to use my 140 characters to make someone giggle at something trivial and go about their day. The blog is where I like to do some deeper thinking as well--and we all know that I can't say anything deep without being extremely loquacious. But my favorite thing is to make people laugh.
Who are we kidding? I sometime work long and hard to make people laugh. I can almost pinpoint the moment--the precise joke!-- in my life when I realized how fun it was to be funny. It was the summer between my 8th and 9th grade and I thought I was going to have to switch schools. (I didn't end up having to...long story.) I had one friend at the almost-new school, which was a big ol' public school, way bigger than my almost-last school. She invited me to a sleepover to meet some of her friends. A bunch of girls I didn't know and kind of needed to like me so I would have friends at my new school. I was pretty quiet for a while, until someone started talking about the hippie vibe in Oregon, and how some people take the "natural living" a little too far. I said, in my best valley-girl speak: "Like, totally! I'm pretty sure some of them are using a leaf for deodorant. AND for toilet paper! Hopefully it's not the same leaf." (Not my best material, but not bad for a 14 year old, off-the-cuff.) And these attractive strangers laughed. WITH me. And smiled at me. And directed the conversation to me a bit more. It was like I had finally discovered my secret superpower--sarcastic humor! GOLD. MINE.
Over the years I have honed my craft, used my powers for good and, I'm ashamed to say, sometimes for evil. I've had some hits and many misses. I realized, mostly by observing other people, that self-deprecating humor is the best, most well-loved type. I also learned that people do not appreciate it when they quietly say something funny in a group, and then you repeat the same joke loudly and get the credit. I learned that not everyone will find funny what I find funny. I learned that mockery can be hilarious, but it can get you in relational trouble, and that kind of cheap humor doesn't give you the same high. I am constantly learning and re-learning when to stop being class clown and just shut my trap before I annoy the heck out of everyone around me. Like I said, that is a lesson constantly in progress.
But if Facebook has taught me anything, it's that the best tool in my comedy box is...my own children! When my own funny well is running a bit dry? Bingo! Just repeat one of the bizarre things that has happened around the house and voila: get a few LOL's. Which leads me back to the problem with Facebook--I'm technically "writing these things down" like so many people keep telling me to do, but then my child's great moment disappears. So in an attempt to a)transfer some of my short and sweet comic gems to the blog archive for posterity and b)maximize my laugh audience, I decided to capture a few of my recent FB status updates in this post. Thank you for humoring me.
*Tonight during prayer, this scene happened. Sydney: Dear Baby Jesus... Carson [in a stage whisper]: Sydney! It's not "Baby Jesus." It's just Jesus. JEE. SUS. JUST JESUS!
*Sydney: Car-car, did you toot?
Carson (annoyed): No. YOU did.
Sydney: Oh yeah. Heehee!
*My poor husband had to apologize to a crying boy, after the boy found a used candy wrapper from his parade stash in the garbage. The wrapper was left right on the top. Poor, sweet, amateur husband. Doesn't he know you have to bury the evidence?
*This afternoon I told my kids they couldn't have another snack. In protest, my son dramatically encouraged hi sister to eat grass, since "that's all we HAVE, Sydney." Don't know what was more surprising, that he actually ate it or that she did too. I guess you gotta admire his conviction.
Have you ever walked out of the grocery store, stood there for a few minutes in a panic, called your husband to tell him the car had been stolen, then just as he answered, you realized you drove the OTHER car? Yeah. Me neither.
*GRANDE ICED SKINNY CARAMEL MACHIATO. Huh. I'm pretty sure I heard Oprah and Ellen say that if I told the universe what I wanted that I would achieve and receive it, but that has not happened so far. Wait....let me go outside my front door in case the machiato is out there...
*Earlier tonight I was reading to Carson on the couch and he said "Can you pause it? I have to go to the bathroom." Yes, son. I will pause my vocal chords and this page of paper.
*Today around noon I started chopping up and sauteing vegetables to put in the crockpot. Doing this at that hour was BLOWING MY KIDS' MINDS. They ran in and asked what time is it? Did I already have my nap? Why didn't we get to go to the park today? Is Daddy almost home? Why are you making dinner?!?!
*Me yesterday: Ew. Why does our car stink? Carson: Probably because I put a sea star in there (pointing). Yep. Newly dead starfish tucked behind the driver's seat for 3 days. Awesome.
*My kids love Adele. I feel extremely satisfied with this fact, b/c I used my best manipulative mommy tactics to pretend I DIDN'T like Adele, thus forcing them to instantly crave her music. Picture me smiling smugly at my windshield as we're Rolling in the Deep.
*"Mom, watch this move!" "Wow! That's pretty coo--" "No! That's not it. Watch again." "Oh! That's great bud--" "No, wait! That wasn't it either. Watch one more time." "OK. Yeah! That's--" "No! I didn't get it yet. Just keep watching." (And repeat.)
*Yesterday Carson was conducting "interviews" with me, asking me questions in his most serious journalist voice. Just as he said into the banana/microphone, "This is Carson reporting...." he let out and accidental (and loud) toot. I can't remember the two of us laughing harder--ever! We could hardly catch our breath! I told him I'm sure that happens even to Brian Williams.
*Why are there MORE streaks on my mirror the more I clean it? Oh. Because I'm spraying it with OXY stain remover, not Windex. That's why.
*Tonight Carson told me he couldn't eat my dinner because it had mushrooms in it. "You don't care for mushrooms?" "Well, actually Mom, some mushrooms are poisonous, so basically this meal is pretty dangerous."
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The other day Carson had just about had it, and he was in tears. He had still over-reacted, but instead of punishing him right away, I just took a minute to hug him and try to console him. I said "I know your sister can be so annoying, and I know you're frustrated. What can we do to make you feel better?" He answered "I would just feel better if Asher was HOME." Oh my heart! Tears sprung to my eyes at this surprising sweet, genuine comment showing his budding love for his baby brother. BUT...
...then he continued: "And I want SYDNEY to go live in THAILAND!" Okay, there it is. Back to normal. Sorry, bud, this is not an exchange situation we have going on here. Soon enough I'm sure he'll have TWO pesky little siblings giving him reason to over-react. I never thought I'd actually look forward to sibling rivalry!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
It's time for us to send Asher's second care package. We're trying to follow the guidelines and keeping it simple. We're sending another disposable camera, more pictures of our family, and a lovey for Asher just like the ones his brother and sister have. But next month is his birthday, so I knew I wanted to send a birthday card too. (I have no idea exactly when our package will arive in Thailand, or when the social worker will visit him, but I'm hoping it's somewhere near his b-day.)
But as I was standing there in Target, looking at all these special birthday cards for a one-year-old, I just lost it. Usually those silly sentiments don't do a thing for me...most of the time I skim them and look for the signature. But as I was reading things like "Your first cake! Your first candle! Your first year has come and gone..." Yeah. I was just overcome with sadness that I am missing it. Despite the truth that other families hold to, that the first few birthdays really aren't THAT big of a deal, since the child won't even realize what's happening, we've still had a nice big shindig for both kids' first birthdays.
I want to stay up late to make Asher a special cake...and watch him eat it! I want to snuggle him and laugh as he is mesmerized by the candle. I want to watch him attempt to grab at wrapping paper, then let his anxious siblings actually do the unwrapping for him. I want to sit back and enjoy the glow as our family and friends celebrate this first year of life and look at how much he's grown.
That's it--that's the thing. He's already grown so much. He might even be walking right now, and I've missed it. First words? I'll miss that too...and I probably wouldn't even understand them. I know in my head that he'll be home before his second birthday and we'll have every other birthday of his life to celebrate with him...even until he is tired of making a big deal about birthdays. But I don't think I will ever get over my mourning for missing this first year and a half. We got a call that we probably will not travel until April, which seems another world of wait away.
So, I chose my card. It's not especially significant or meaningful, just one that didn't make me cry too hard. And we WILL celebrate his birthday, even though he won't be here to eat his cake. And I probably will hit a major speedbump of sadness...maybe even after he's home? But right now, I'm snuggling up on that little lovey and sending my love with it, and I find a smile thinking about him sleeping with it a world away from me. And I know most days will be better than this.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Carson and I were watching a show where a character was going to Thailand to visit her grandmother. I said "Oh! Carson! Did you hear that? Her grandma is from Thailand, so that means she is part-Thai!" He said, "Just like Asher! But only until he gets here. When he gets here, he'll be part Thai/part Millville."
Monday, August 08, 2011
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
This one cracks me up, b/c it is a true little glimpse into the secret life of the B-lilly fam. Yes, Husband really does make up songs and sing them wildly all the time. Yes, the kids eat it up and dance around. Yes, Carson rarely has pants on (see: previously given nickname Pantless Wonder and also the videos below, taken almost 2 YEARS later!). And yes, I have a strange little noise that I make to scracth my throat and normally only people in my inner circle know about it...now you'll all hear it!
This is similar to one that I took on my camera's movie mode and posted a few months ago. My favorite parts are a)it is clearly December with the stockings up, and yet Sydney is in her swimming suit, b) Carson still has no pants on and c)this is a side of Syd's personality that is rarely seen outside of this house.
This one is the bonus track, b/c yes, it was taken at the same time, but sometimes you just have SING. Sing, sing, sing to the Lord. (Or Lowd.)
Monday, August 01, 2011
About 3.5 years ago, Trent surprised me and got me a nice little digital camcorder for our anniversary. I was excited and used it quite a bit for the first few months, including downloading the software that came with the camera and was supposed to make it ALL! SO! EASY! Well, the first time I uploaded all the new videos, I could not post them, I couldn't burn a disc, couldn't put them into our (very basic) video editing software, and could only watch the videos in that particular software. I'm SURE there was a way around it, but I am not that savvy and after trying a few times I just got frustrated. We still use the camcorder every once in a while, but not as much as I would have if it had been more user-friendly...especially since I often want to post it on the blog!
WELL. Tonight I finally took the time to sit down and check it out. We had to get a new computer earlier this year, and I decided to try NOT using the software that came with the camcorder. Guess what? I'm enjoying a good decision! I can now see all the videos I've taken on the camcorder, uploaded them to our hard-drive and external HD, AND I can post them on the blog! Things may get a little video heavy here for a few days if this goes well.
So, especially all you family members....enjoy!
This was taken this evening, August 1, 2011. You can tell in the interview portion of this video that I got my wish about an adventurous princess--as Syd took a header on the concrete running full-force yesterday. And my apologies for the finger covering the lense...she wanted to see herself as we shot the vid...and that meant I couldn't see the screen. Amateur move!