tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-242661372024-03-06T22:44:49.676-08:00BRAZENLILLYBrazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.comBlogger862125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-44195478259032040632014-06-03T07:34:00.000-07:002014-06-03T07:34:02.457-07:00Come with me!<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Hey friends and readers! I've moved to writing and posting at:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.jentompkins.com/">www.jentompkins.com</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'd love for you to click and come with me!</span></div>
Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-76391744972841602252014-05-29T18:37:00.004-07:002014-05-29T22:27:19.663-07:00It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.Friends, I've kind of been having a mid-life crisis. Thus the Boyz II Men lyrics. Actually, I'm going to give <b>life</b> the benefit of the doubt and call it a pre-mid-life crisis. (My two grandmothers are still living, turning 91 and 83 this year, so I have genetics on my side.) <br />
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This summer I'm turning 37 and am officially in my "late 30's." (Can't say "mid" once you're to the 7.) And although the looming 40 doesn't necessarily scare me, it does get me thinking a little more <i><b>big picture</b></i> and asking questions like "What do I REALLY want to be when I grow up?"<br />
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My sweet husband has listened so patiently as I've been talking aimlessly about hopes and dreams and plans and bucket lists. And one thing that I've landed on is that I want to write. I love writing, and I find a lot of fulfillment when people read what I've written and like it, are encouraged by it or connect to it on some level. I especially love writing about motherhood and sharing moments when I've needed grace so badly and when He has given it so lavishly. And of course, nothing pleases me more than conveying a hilariously awful parenting moment for your reading enjoyment.<br />
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So I've decided I'm just going write more. I'm going to<i> try </i>to blog more, try a little more freelance stuff and maybe submit my work to some publications. (Which may or not pan out.) A book proposal is not totally out of the question. It obviously will fluctuate with our family's schedule, and there's a chance that I'm really fired up about it right now and by October I'll be exhausted and go back to blogging irregularly. But even if I don't make a single dollar for my writing, I know it's something I want to pursue. Just for me.<br />
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One step in this direction is that I've decided to use my real name when blogging.<br />
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<b>Guys, I'm going to say goodbye to Brazenlilly. </b><br />
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Where's the emoticon for weeping and gnashing of teeth? This alter ego has been so good to me, because no one else has it, so I only had to be creative once and then re-use it hundreds of times. It's embarrassing to admit how long it took me to settle on this recent decision, because I'm so attached to that silly name.<br />
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But the point is to try to get more writing gigs and increase my blog readership. And part of getting more writing gigs is to get my name out there. The more you like what I've written and share it and re-post it, the better my chances of getting more writing gigs and increasing blog readership. But that kind of defeats the purpose if my name is nowhere on my writing. I've been worried about my family's privacy, but a reliable source recently pointed out to me that any weirdo with enough computer knowledge can trace my IP address and find out where I live, even if I never use my last name. So, I'm going to move forward in faith and not fear.<br />
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Thank you, friends and family, for being so encouraging and sweet about reading my blog. You'll always be my favorite audience. And I hope you'll follow me over at:<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.jentompkins.com/">www.jentompkins.com</a></span></b></div>
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<br />Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-55712052622466301692014-05-23T18:41:00.001-07:002014-05-23T22:06:51.617-07:00Tic-Tac-OH MY WORD CAN WE PLEASE PLAY SOMETHING ELSEMy adorable little 5 year old redhead just learned to play tic-tac-toe. She got a $1 "Hello Kitty" white board from Target as a reward for good behavior and it has 3 tic-tac-toe game frames on it. It's been about three days and I'm possibly going to saw the board in half and put it at the bottom of the outside garbage can in the dead of night. You guys. I'm serious.<br />
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Stages of losing my sanity by playing tic-tac-toe:<br />
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Stage 1, Wednesday morning. So cute! So proud! She's learned a fun, basic game that all kids should know. Of course I'll play! I'm going to let her win. Oh wait, even when I try to let her win, she still doesn't. "You can win up and down too?" She asks me. OK, so maybe she hasn't totally learned how to play, even though this is our 34th game. I kinda need a break.<br />
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Stage 2, Thursday evening: I'm done letting her win. It's time for tough love and I'm going to cream her so maybe she'll get tired and we can quit. "What's diagonal?" she just asked me. Oh for the love. I'm winning every game. Why is she such a good loser? It doesn't even seem to bother her! OHMYWORD, she won't stop asking. <br />
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Stage 3, Friday afternoon. I'm worried for my own mental health. And also? Hers a little bit. Who wants to play this game over and over and over and over? And over? I'm putting my X on the EXACT SAME SPOT every single time. We're tied every game. Each of our turns we are doing the same moves ad nauseum. I've tried putting in something other than X or O just to mix things up, but then she makes us start over again. Can't....take....it...any....more....<br />
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Stage 4, tomorrow morning: "Oh, man! Gosh. Where could it have gone? Hmmmm....that is SUCH a bummer, babe. How about we try something different, like water paints?"<br />
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<i>(I'm NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU, she just came up to me as I'm typing this and asked me to play again, even though I walked away from the 428th game to post this.)</i>Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-10282716727224235222014-05-22T19:48:00.000-07:002014-05-23T18:42:28.579-07:00IMHO: let's not romanticize.<i style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">*I'm doing a short series to highlight and process some things I've learned in our adoption process. I'm calling it IMHO (In My Humble Opinion), because I'm not a professional, I'm not proposing my opinion is always the right one or the only one, and I'm even saving room for the possibility in the future that my mind could change again! I especially want to write these things for friends who are considering adoption and have asked me about our experience, but anyone is welcome to read and comment. (Please be gracious!)*</i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">OK, I think this will be my last post in this series. It's hard mental work to process through all of this. Someone commented the other day that they miss my funny blog posts. I do too! I want to do more of that. But adoption issues have been a big part of my life lately, and adoption is many things, but "funny" isn't at the top of the list. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">So, let's cut to the chase and get the potentially offensive part out of the way.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><span style="line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">IMHO, adoption is romanticized, maybe even a little more so by Christians. </span></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">We really need to stop doing that. But to be fair, adoption is just one of a long list of things that is often romanticized in our society. Before I was married, I had an idea of what it was going to be like: my sweet husband giving me nightly shoulder massages; neither of us needing to watch television EVER because our delightful evening repartee would be so engaging; we'd spend our weekends walking farmers markets hand in hand and he would surprise me with huge bouquets of fresh flowers. Weekly.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">Now, I'm still madly in love with my husband! He has proved his love to me over and over again in 13 years, but he does it by unclogging a drain full of disgusting hair or cleaning up a child's vomit at 2 am, not usually with fresh flower bouquets. The reality is not WORSE than the dream, it's just very different.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">Parenting in GENERAL is hugely romanticized! How many of us, when we are expecting (in whatever form that comes) picture ourselves in clean, white houses with lots of sunlight, holding our precious infant as the child coos back? Or we picture precious Mommy/child dates at our favorite coffee shop, enjoying all the other customers' looks of adoration as we sip with our little mini-me's and charm the world. Fast forward a few years and we haven't slept for 4 years straight and our children happen to be the type that can clear a Starbucks in 20 seconds flat because of their wild behavior, and you're not sure if the whining or the constant crumbs on your bare feet will kill you first? (Did I mention the vomit? And, really, all the bodily fluids in general.) I've only met a very few parents who feel like parenting has lived up to the dream. It's not WORSE, it's just very different.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">I'm afraid that a picture has been painted of adoption that is not exactly accurate. Perhaps I should personalize it, because I cannot speak for everyone. <i><b> I</b></i> had a picture of adoption, what it was and what it meant for my child and my family, and it was not exactly accurate. So much of this is tied up in<a href="http://www.brazenlilly.blogspot.com/2014/05/imho-listen-and-read-repeat.html"> what I've learned from adoptees</a> and how it has shaped how I now view <a href="http://www.brazenlilly.blogspot.com/2014/05/imho-lose-rescue-mentality.html">adoption as an act of obedience</a> and not a noble rescue mission. Before our son came home, I dreamed of the exciting and long-awaited airport arrival, of introducing him to all the people who already loved him and helped us in our adoption, and how fun it would be to have three kids happily playing in our sprinkler. (Even though all of that came true and was incredible.) I read lots of books and did all my required training, and had so many people tell us how wonderful it was that we were doing this. And when the reality hit, it wasn't WORSE, it was just very different.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">But I'm afraid that the Church, generally speaking, has become such a great cheerleader for adoption, that in some cases, we may need to tone it down a bit with the pom-poms and streamers. Before you bristle--lemme 'splain. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">I believe Christians should be on the front lines of orphan care, foster care, ministry to the vulnerable and also adoption. I want our churches to be full of more adoptive families. But I don't want churches (or para-church organizations/adoption agencies/current adoptive families) to promote adoption with emotional pleas to families </span><i style="line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">who do not feel called</i><span style="line-height: 18.200000762939453px;"> to adopt OR who are not fully prepared to adopt. (Disclaimer for my peeps: I've never felt like this happened at the church I attend.) I cringe a little when statistics of orphans are used to recruit adoptive families, because although the statistics are true and mind-boggling, MOST of the true orphans in the world are not adoptable and never will be. In many cases, especially internationally, it seems there are more parents interested in adopting healthy children than there are healthy, legally adoptable children. (Foster children in the US and "special needs" children around the world are always in need of more loving families.) I would love to see some of the passion and excitement for adoption be spread around to include families who definitely are not going to adopt, but could have such an amazing impact in the lives of children.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">I pray that as we embrace adoption, we do so with eyes wide open to what adoption means---for the children and for the families. I still cry with joy and cheer loudly when someone tells me they are adopting! It is and will always be an amazing way to grow your family and to provide a permanent, loving home to a child! I just want to be careful that as we're cheerleading, we're having difficult discussions about what it means to parent a child from a hard place. While we're working our way down a waiting list, our children are losing everything. Or a birth mother is finding herself in crisis and making the most painful choice of her life. Or our future son/daughter is being removed from another foster family. Yes, oh my word, yes, I want to get them home FAST! But I don't want it to be all sunshine and roses, because this flower has some thorns.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">The person who is the most affected by adoption is the adoptee, and I don't want to lose sight of that. But I also have become passionate about adoptive parents being honest about their challenges, while still respecting their children's privacy. (I'm equally as passionate about ALL parents being more honest about our challenges! Let's get real, people.) I know of several adoptive families who have had very few challenges while raising their adopted kiddos and helping them heal. Praise the Lord! But many, many more are surprised by how incredibly emotionally, physically and spiritually draining it is to be down in the trenches with a grieving child--that you just met and are learning to love. Or that you met 4 years ago and his or her little heart still has not healed or attached. But you know what: I still PRAISE THE LORD! Because the kids and the parents are doing the hard work, day after day, year after year. Because of adoption, they are not aging out of broken systems all over the world. Instead they are struggling through in an imperfect, but loving HOME. And I have heard story after story of how the only PERFECT PARENT (meaning God, in case that wasn't clear) has done amazing work of restoration and redemption in the lives of not only the adopted kiddos, but their parents as well.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">So, hear me please. I LOVE ADOPTION. Actually, I wish all children could be raised by loving, capable, biologically related parents. But we live in a fallen world and since that is not our reality, I'm so grateful for adoption. I love it so much that I want families to pursue it, prepare sufficiently for it, and then shout from the rooftops how God has performed a redeeming work in their lives. Adoption is beautiful and powerful as it is--no need to pretend it's anything else.</span></span><br />
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Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-17360137075063954332014-05-18T22:40:00.002-07:002014-05-19T07:13:19.488-07:00IMHO: lose the rescue mentality.<i style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">*I'm doing a short series to highlight and process some things I've learned in our adoption process. I'm calling it IMHO (In My Humble Opinion), because I'm not a professional, I'm not proposing my opinion is always the right one or the only one, and I'm even saving room for the possibility in the future that my mind could change again! I especially want to write these things for friends who are considering adoption and have asked me about our experience, but anyone is welcome to read and comment. (Please be gracious!)*</i><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">When we began our adoption process, we were drawn to the country of Thailand for many reasons. It is a gorgeous country with beautiful cultures and traditions. The particular adoption program we would be using was solid and had a long history of consistency, including the fact that the children live in loving foster families prior to adoption. Thailand is also known for rampant $ex trafficking, and in our minds, by adopting a child who had been relinquished by his birth family, we could be saving him or her from an industry that preys on vulnerable children. I confess had visions of how fulfilling this grand act of nobility would be, and how much better off this child would be in our home. I didn't envision myself with a cape or anything, but there was definitely a bit of a rescue mission mindset. I admit this because I want you to know the thoughts in this post do not come from a place of judgement, but truly my own heart-learning.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">Over the last four years, I have come to realize the dangers of viewing myself and other adoptive parents as the ones "saving" or rescuing a child, no matter how grim or dire their situation is prior to placement. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;"><i><b>In my humble opinion, adoptive parents need to lose the rescue mentality.</b></i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">In a very gracious and honest conversation with another AP who does not share my same religious beliefs, I admitted to my friend that I begun this process with the desire to save an orphan. She asked me how and why my perspective had shifted, and it was difficult to answer her concisely. But I will try. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">As I previously shared in <a href="http://www.brazenlilly.blogspot.com/2014/05/imho-listen-and-read-repeat.html">my post about listening to adoptees,</a> hearing from some adults who had been adopted was pivotal in how my thoughts changed. <a href="http://carissawoodwyk.wordpress.com/">Carissa Woodwyk,</a> an adoptee from Korea, was the first person to point out to me that there are many adoptees who bristle at the word "orphan," especially when used to describe adoptees prior to adoption. The "O" word has such vast subtext, including connotations that children in this category need our charity and pity. (Remember, whether or not that truly describes HOW WE FEEL about orphans is not the point. The point is that some adoptees feel that way. In addition, many vulnerable and adoptable children are not technically orphans--that is, they still have one or more living parents.) Carissa said that children waiting to be adopted don't want or need pity, they want what every human being on the planet desires: to be loved and wanted and well cared for. They want to be seen as unique individuals with talents and dreams and quirks, not lumped into a large group. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">Other adoptees have pointed out that campaigns (t-shirts, slogans, etc.) that combine orphan care and adoption can sometimes make adopted children feel like they were a merely a fundraiser or another Christian cause. Adoption is NOT just a form of orphan care. Adoption is deciding to extend your family, raise a child forever, love a little person unconditionally. It is an amazing gift and choice, and I absolutely believe it is a beautiful part of God's plan. Yes, we often need to raise funds for it, and yes, it is a very worthwhile "cause" to support. But I've found it's imperative to <b>find the distinction</b> between a family's decision to adopt a specific child into their family forever, with all the beautiful and messy aspects that are unique to THAT CHILD, and the Church's call to support and care for widows and orphans in their distress. (James 1:27)</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">Foundational in my mental adjustment was the realization of how a rescue mentality would be communicated to my son and other adoptees. The notion that I am rescuing YOU, elevates me and lowers you. It implies that what I have to offer in my American home is BETTER than anything you had previously, or could have had. Of course in some situations, this is not up for disagreement. (You would hope.) A loving family is always a better option than a child growing up in an institution or orphanage, no matter how wonderful the orphanage. However, a loving, middle class home in the US is absolutely not better than a loving, poor home in Thailand. Friends, I was in the foster home where Asher lived for 21 months. It might be considered below the poverty line by our standards, but he was happy, he was loved and he was well-cared for. Period.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">I believe that instead of focusing on rescuing orphans, we should be more focused on finding ways to keep families together when poverty is the only reason a parent would relinquish their child. When that is not possible, and a child manages to make it through the bureaucratic nightmare of becoming "adoptable," then we choose to parent them as a redemptive response to a situation of loss. Even in situations where a child, for whatever reason, has waited years to be adopted, and it looks from all angles like these parents just rescued this child from a dire fate, that "rescue" only happens once. There is <b>one day </b>when they cease to be an orphan. The rest is just straight up parenting--and often it is a parenting road filled with extra challenges! The feelings of nobility fade. Fast. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">In our situation, we did not adopt JUST to add to our family. (We could have had a third bio kid.) We truly felt the Lord directly leading us to adopt internationally, to parent a child who did not have a forever family. I believe that adoption is ordained by God and part of the reason we should consider it is to be obedient to him. But as with so many other things he calls us to, part of the calling is to HUMBLE ourselves in our obedience, not view ourselves as godly superheroes sent in to save the day. In this journey, I'm continually humbled as to the ways God is asking me to serve my children.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;">I'm convinced that if I perceive our adoption as us "saving" our son, that perception WILL be communicated to him, one way or another. When someone is rescued, it is usually implied that they should be grateful. I never want to communicate to my son that he should be grateful for being relinquished by his birth mother, for being taken away from his foster family where he was loved and felt so secure, for starting over as a child with an understanding that he was losing everything familiar and comfortable, but no language to communicate that. I'm confident the Lord already has and will continue to do a wonderful work of healing in his heart, and I pray that he feels blessed to be a part of this family! But I never intend for him to see us as his rescuers. Just his mom and dad who love him like crazy, no matter what.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">But I think the bottom line for me is that when I think of myself as a rescuer, it takes away the focus from MY RESCUE. I will never be the rescuer in this big story of life, even in our family's story, because <i>I am the one</i> lost and alone and hopeless without Jesus. David Platt has a well-known </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">quote: <b> </b></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 19.31999969482422px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>'We adopt not because we are rescuers. No, we adopt because we are the rescued." </b> </span></span><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">HE is the rescuer! <u><b>JESUS is my rescuer AND my son's rescuer! </b></u> I long for Asher to understand how <b><u>all </u></b>of our stories are fu</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">ll of loss and redemption, grief and joy, and nothing here on earth will truly satisfy us until we ask our Heavenly Father to invade every part of our lives. Through this process, God continues to refine me and challenge me and SHOW HIS FAITHFULNESS TO ME over and over and over.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">No, I definitely did not rescue my son. But the journey of him in my life may just have rescued me. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;"><br /></span></span>Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-3192134283079136052014-05-11T20:24:00.002-07:002014-05-12T07:04:55.441-07:00IMHO: Listen and Read--birth moms<i>*I'm doing a short series to highlight and process things I've learned in our adoption process--and since. I'm calling it IMHO (In My Humble Opinion), because I'm SO not a professional, I'm not proposing my opinion is always the right one or the only one, and I'm even saving room for the possibility in the future that my mind could change again! I especially want to write these things for friends who are considering adoption or are in process, but anyone is welcome to read and comment. (Please be gracious!)*</i><br />
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My last post was mostly<a href="http://www.brazenlilly.blogspot.com/2014/05/imho-listen-and-read-repeat.html"> about what I have learned from adoptees.</a> To summarize: a TON of important and relevant information which continues to shape my interactions with my son and the adoption community. I loved people's comments here and on f@cebook, and wanted to point out what my sweet friend Wendy said: not all adoptees have a platform opinion on adoption. Being adopted, for some, is like the color of their hair. It's a part of them, but does not define them and they really don't think about it that often or have a strong opinion to share. They're just living their lives, thanks. But especially since I've chosen to be involved in adoption-related ministry, I'm going to keep listening to the voices who DO still have strong feelings and think about their adoption loss daily, and just be prepared to inquire and be present with my guy no matter where he is in the process.<br />
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You'll notice this post is a bit shorter. I've not read as much or heard as much from the birth mother voice. I have found some insightful blogs (linked below) and read some powerful articles by birth moms. The thing that stands out to me the most is how MANY DIFFERENT reasons a pregnant woman chooses not to raise her child, and how MANY DIFFERENT life situations they represent. I've learned there is no "stereotypical" birth mom story.<br />
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Those who choose to voice their story almost always talk about the difficulty and pain of handing over their child. No matter how resolute they are in their choice, the ache of surrendering this person that you carried inside of you for nine months is profoundly deep. Anyone who has given birth can probably empathize with that inexplicable connection. Some birth moms feel that they were coerced into choosing adoption for their child, by their own parents or even adoption agencies. When this is the case, these birth moms seem to live years with pain AND resentment. However, even those who stood firm in their own choice still often suffer immense sadness and depression, particularly in the first year(s) after relinquishment and on the child's birthday. Some heal from this pain rather quickly, others never do. Still others refuse to acknowledge the birth, and even when contacted by the adoptee, they deny any relationship. Some birth mothers have a lot of anger. It is directed at different sources, but many feel betrayed or rejected by the adoptive parents and/or their child. Just like the angry adoptee online world, there is an angry birth mom online world as well. It's hard to read, not necessary to live in, but IMHO, still important to LISTEN.<br />
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Last year at <a href="http://www.calledtoloveministry.org/">Called to Love</a> (holla!--retreat for adoptive moms you should check out) we had a panel of birth moms share their stories with us. It was so powerful to have these beautiful, strong women give us a glimpse into their past and their present, their decision, and their dreams for their children. They defied any stereotypes we might have. The message I heard from each of them was: "I don't want to be ____________'s mom. I just want to know about her life and how she's doing." They had gratitude and respect for the adoptive parents, and simply asked for the same in return.<br />
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The topic of and relationship with birth mothers should be handled with great care. But those of us who have adopted internationally rarely have the opportunity to interact with our child's birth mothers. If we have a name, a bit of a story, or in the best of circumstances, a photograph, we are so blessed. Many international adoptees have no information on their birth families whatsoever. <i>(I remember meeting a young adoptee from Southeast Asia, and I told her my son was born there. The first question out of her mouth was: "Does he know his real birthday?" I said yes. Her face fell and she just said, "He's so lucky." It broke my heart. The simplest gift of knowing your date of birth, the teensiest bit of information about the woman who carried and delivered you is information that the majority of us take SO for granted. But that's technically back to relating to adoptees, not birthparents....)</i><br />
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I will make one sweeping generalization regarding adoptive parents and birth parents. In GENERAL, there seems to be some tension between the two members of the triad. IMHO, in GENERAL, I think more grace can and should be given by both parties, but TO birth moms in particular. In the way we talk about them with our children and each other, and even our body language and tone. In finding gracious responses when we read angry words directed at adoptive parents. More honor and respect can probably be shown, even in rough circumstances. I know that is easy for me to say, not having any dealings at all with my son's birth mom. Some parents are trying to juggle a relationship with an emotionally unhealthy or mentally ill birth parent, an addict or even an abuser. I won't even pretend to have any insight for those situations, because that is not my experience and I haven't talked with any parent in this situation who feels great success. But for the majority of families, we can make a decision to always speak of our children's first parents with respect, no matter what their decisions have been in life.<br />
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Without putting ourselves in the shoes of a birth mother who is unable to parent, it's far too easy to ignore or look down on them. Reading <a href="http://www.chinasmack.com/2014/stories/chinese-parents-abandon-children-at-guangzhou-baby-hatch.html">this article and seeing these pictures </a>of birth mothers was one of the most emotionally painful things I've ever experienced. In China there is (was) a "Baby Safety Island" also known as a "baby hatch" where parents can relinquish their children without penalty and with promise that the children will be taken care of. A reporter captured these moments of PURE ANGUISH at the moment of relinquishment. The laws and culture of each country are different. The effects of systemic poverty are more than we can ever comprehend. Most of us will NEVER know the feeling of being scared and pregnant, having no idea how we will feed and clothe the child. We may disagree, we may feel strongly that we would have chosen differently, but God forbid any of us dare to cast judgement. <br />
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One last thought. Recently I've become aware of a fantastically simple truth: in developing nations, access to prenatal care, counseling, safe options for labor and delivery, and real postpartum support are all forms of <b>orphan prevention.</b> I love adoption, but I don't love how many children are relinquished by living, loving parents due to lack of resources. Many women relinquish their children because they feel hopeless and scared, for themselves and their children. <a href="http://heartlineministries.org/maternity-center/">Ministrires like Heartline in Haiti</a> provide support to empower these women to raise their children, even in seemingly dire circumstances. If we truly desire to care for the most vulnerable, the least of these, it only makes sense that we support organizations that are helping women to be just moms--not "birth moms." Please take a moment to check out their ministry.<br />
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Birth mom blogs and articles (opinions in links below do not necessarily represent Brazenlilly's opinions):<br />
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<a href="http://www.thehappiestsad.com/">http://www.thehappiestsad.com/</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.firstmotherforum.com/">http://www.firstmotherforum.com/</a><br />
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<a href="http://adoption.about.com/od/birthfirstmothers/a/birthmomdayprop.htm">http://adoption.about.com/od/birthfirstmothers/a/birthmomdayprop.htm</a><br />
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<a href="http://openadoptionbloggers.com/open-adoption-blogs/first-parent-birthparent-birthmom-birthmother-adoption-blogs/">http://openadoptionbloggers.com/open-adoption-blogs/first-parent-birthparent-birthmom-birthmother-adoption-blogs/</a><br />
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<br />Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-22233375547138607392014-05-03T11:49:00.001-07:002014-05-03T20:43:37.776-07:00IMHO: Listen and Read; Repeat.If you're just checking in, I'm starting a series about things I have learned in the adoption process--and since. I'm calling it IMHO (In My Humble Opinion), because I'm not a professional, I'm not proposing my opinion is always right, and I'm even saving room for the possibility in the future that my mind could change again! I especially want to process these thoughts in writing for friends and acquaintances who are considering adoption or are in process, but anyone is welcome to read and comment (please be gracious!).<br />
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In <a href="http://www.brazenlilly.blogspot.com/2014/04/imho-adoption.html">my fist post,</a> I indicated that I would write next about the discussion of adopting with a rescue in mind. I'm putting that off for a few days, partly because I realized I wanted to explain some things that led to my heart-learning on that one, and also because I'm pouting that I had the post mostly written, then my computer crashed and I lost it. [Insert grown woman stomping foot, crossing arms and sticking out lower lip with frowny face.] So, let's back up a bit:<br />
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IMHO, the best thing that adoptive parents can do, particularly in the time between deciding to adopt and bringing a child home, is to be a stinkin' sponge. I want you to read EVERYTHING you can get your hands on about adopting, especially anything that is about adopting a child about the same age as your child(ren) will be. Read the attachment books that don't really make sense to you yet, then read them again when you are in crisis 5 months after your kiddo is home. Read books about the brain and trauma/ abuse/ neglect and how it physically affects children and their behavior, then read the parenting books for kids like this, because a different style of parenting is needed. Read magazines by adoption agencies full of joy and hope and beautiful, healthy, well-adjusted children. Read lots of blogs by adoptive moms, but even better: find one who's been home a while, buy her a coffee (I mean, maybe she likes Nonfat Caramel Machiattos, for instance. Just a suggestion.), schedule an hour or two, look her in the eye and say: "Tell me everything--the good, the bad and the ugly," and then really listen. <br />
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(It's also OK to come up for air during the long wait. If you are sick of talking about an adoption that seems it will never happen--that's OK too.)<br />
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But sweet friends, here's the thing. You cannot stop there. I had that last paragraph down! I was networking like crazy with other adoptive parents, researching my little brains out, proud of how much I was learning. "Yeah me! I've so got this." --Jen T, circa June 2010. But the real and powerful changes in my heart happened when I began to read and listen to the voices of a) people with whom I disagreed, b) birth moms, and d) ADOPTEES. This mostly came from articles and blog posts, a few books and also attending conferences and watching documentaries.<br />
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Sidebar editorial: I feel like our social media culture breeds quick-reflex offense. If we stumble on something that upsets us or that we disagree with, we feel the need to LOUDLY proclaim how wrong it is--usually how wrong THAT PERSON is. May I propose, dear fellow adoptive parent, that we take our fingers off the trigger of that response gun, holster it for a bit, and truly process the article, the post, the status update, the tweet. Consider the heart of the author, their story and how they may have come to that perspective. It's very likely we will still disagree, but knee-jerk, outraged responses don't help anyone. ESPECIALLY when it comes to listening to adoptees and birth moms, it's best to close your mouth and open your ears. (Like the old saying goes, that's why we have one of the former and two of the latter.) WE DON'T HAVE TO AGREE OR UNDERSTAND. But we still should read and listen. If the title of an adoption article makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, read it anyway.<br />
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I subscribe to a magazine called <a href="http://www.adoptionmosaic.org/the-adoption-constellation-magazine/">The Adoption Constellation (it used to be called Adoption Mosaic)</a>, which is for all members of the adoption triad: birth families, adoptees and adoptive parents. It is not a faith-based publication; I think the editors are working to even out the voices heard in adoption circles, to include adoptees and birth moms, not just adoptive parents. A few years ago I came to an opinion piece titled something like: Why Evangelical Christians are Damaging Adoption. WHOA...say WHAT?! "OH NO HE DI'INT!" -Jen T., circa January, 2011. My heart started pounding, and my righteous anger was stirring something fierce. I just knew I would disagree with <b>everything</b> in this stupid article. But I read it anyway. The author, who was not a Christian, believed that Christian circles are championing adoption very strongly right now. So much so that, to this man, it seemed like a fad. He believed that when people adopt for religious reasons they often had a romanticized view of saving an orphan, and as they pursue this cause, they often do so without adequate training and education. In other words, they jump on the bandwagon, pat themselves on the back, and are completely unprepared for the harsh realities of parenting a hurting child, and end up causing MORE damage to the children, many times resulting in disruption. (Quick note: <b><i> disruption</i></b> is when an adoptive family is not able or willing to continue parenting a child who was adopted, and they go through the process of finding a new home for the child. This happens for MANY, MANY different reasons.)<br />
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Did I appreciate the huge over-generalization of all "Evangelical Christians"? Not at all. Did he have some reasonable points. Yep. Did it cause me to take a step back and give more thought to how we promote adoption in the Church? Yes. Did I agree with everything he said? Definitely not. (For instance, I think people who adopt for ANY reason often have a romanticized view.) Did it stir in me a passionate desire NOT to be an unprepared adoptive parent who thinks my job is over the minute I walk off the airplane with my adopted child. HECK, YES it did. (Was part of my motivation to PROVE HIM WRONG? Lil' bit.) That blasted article helped me be a better parent. I hated it, but I needed to read it.<br />
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I remember the first time I came across the blog world of angry adult adoptees. Ya'll, I wanted to vomit in despair. There are some blogs by adults who were adopted, and they HATE adoption, they HATE adoption workers and agencies, they HATE their adoptive parents and they pretty much HATE all adoptive parents. I found a few blogs like this, but what shocked me was the amount of comments from other adoptees who felt the same way. The reasons they felt this way ranged from physical and emotional abuse by adoptive parents to just the parent's inability to make the child truly feel like part of the family. <br />
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I DID NOT LIKE READING THESE. But I think it's good that I did. It only took that one horrid day of reading, soaking in the pit of hurt and hate, and I've never gone back. But it was important for me to know that not every adoptee loves their story. It was important for me to begin to understand the myriad of hurts that adoptees can (and most WILL) experience. Not all of these adoptees were abused, some of their parents successfully created a loving home and attached with their child and it was not enough to heal their hearts. LOVE DOES NOT CONQUER ALL. "WHAT?! Then why are we even doing this?!" --Jen T, circa October 2011.<br />
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Fortunately, I recovered from that trip down hatred lane, and stumbled into the even more powerful world of non-angry adult adoptees who still have hurts, who have not reconciled their entire stories, who love their adoptive parents but want us to know that a loving family does not erase or heal a broken heart. Even better, some of them have entered into the world of adoptive parents and are helping us begin to view the world MORE through the lens of our adopted children, and LESS through our own AP lens. I remember thinking that only adoptees who are conscious of change at the time of their adoption would suffer emotional wounds. But I've heard story after story of older adoptees who still feel a VOID, even if they were adopted hours after birth! For many (not all) the feelings of rejection and abandonment do not go away. A grown woman can look me in the eye and say "There must be something wrong with me if my own mother didn't want me." That LOSS has nothing to do with her adoptive parents. It is just a part of her story, and instead of running from the pain, the only way I can help my child heal is to acknowledge and ENTER INTO the pain with him. Every adopted child will process their story and their identity differently. I just need to be emotionally real and present.<br />
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Early in our process, I watched <a href="http://www.adoptedthemovie.com/">the documentary ADOPTED</a>. One of the subjects is an adult woman, adopted from Korea as an infant. I remember her trying to talk to her (adoptive) mom about her feelings of being different, of being the only Asian in the family. Her mom just kept saying things like: "I don't think of you as different! I love you! When I see you I just see my daughter--I forget you are Asian!" I think we used to be told these were helpful things. Let's be colorblind! Guess what? NO. Not helpful. This woman/daughter articulated that when her mom said that, it made her feel invisible. Or worse: it made her feel like the Asian part of herself (which, no matter what anyone says, is a HUGE part of her identity and appearance, and everyone knows it) was something negative or not as good as being white, so let's pretend she's Caucasian. I have no doubt that is not what her loving mother intended, but that was a deep hurt that stuck with her long into adulthood.<br />
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This same documentary was also one of the first times I heard directly from an adoptee how strongly she needed to talk about her birth family, especially her birth mother. This topic made her adoptive mom feel uncomfortable, so she would always change the subject or stop the conversation. Again, the adoptive mom may have thought she was protecting her daughter from dwelling on the painful abandonment, but by refusing to talk about it, the message the daughter received was: birth mom = negative. The daughter finally articulated--I think it was as her adoptive mom was dying!--that by doing that, mom had inadvertently sent very damaging messages to her daughter. The daughter said something like: my birth mom is a part of me! I am a part of her! Even though I will never know her, she is IN me, and when you make me feel like she is bad or wrong, you are saying to me that a big part of ME is bad or wrong. "I am going to remember this." --Jen T, circa January 2012<br />
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I could write many more posts on what I've learned from adoptees, and I haven't even skimmed the surface of the birth mom stories, but I have to stop this post before it's a book. And I continue to learn! Even last week I was surprised by a post on the <a href="http://www.thelostdaughters.com/">Lost Daughters blog</a>, but I'm so glad I read it and was able to hear and understand more about how these particular adoptees view life. I so strongly believe that if we, as AP's are willing to listen to the voices of the others in the triad, it can only benefit our children and our families. Each of us has to go through our own process of heart-learning and will be most moved by different words and stories. When you have time, please watch <a href="http://vimeo.com/73044194">THIS VIDEO of Carissa Woodwyk,</a> one of the adult adoptees who completely rocked my world in a gentle way. She has a bit of a poetic flair, and this is a reading of hers that is personal and so very important. I think every adoptive parent should watch.<br />
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"In my humble opinion, we must LISTEN." -Jen T. circa May 2014<br />
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Have you learned anything by listening to an adoptee? I'd love to hear about it.Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-19877712158188250032014-04-29T09:40:00.000-07:002014-04-29T09:51:20.296-07:00IMHO: Adoption **IMHO = "In my humble opinion," in case you are not up on the text acronym lingo.<br />
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I've been very honored and excited to talk to a handful of potential adoptive parents in the last year or so. I am glad that my big mouth and loud blog fingers have not turned people away from the rather daunting and complicated process of adopting, enough so that sometimes people still want to ask me about it! I LOVE talking about adoption! So, friends and acquaintances, keep asking! I especially appreciate talking one on one, because although I'm not very private and have yammered a LOT, there are still some part of our experience that I haven't fully elaborated on via world wide web. Let's have coffee!<br />
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Yet sometimes I find myself tongue tied in how to summarize or advise these friends at the beginning of the journey, because there is so much heart-learning that happens IN the journey. This process changes you. It softens you in many wonderful ways, hardens you a bit in others, and it absolutely, completely breaks you in the ways that count. I cringe with embarassment when I think about how I once said I wanted to be the "poster child" for the adoption process, which is why we went through it so publicly--I wanted to educate people. Oi. More than anything about adopting, it humbles you. I'M the one who is constantly learning. My son has taught me so much about the nature of love and God and human nature. I want to learn to view this process through his eyes more, and my eyes less. I'm not a poster child for anything; I'm just a mama who has traveled a path that has molded and refined me, with a God who made it possible. And THAT I love talking about.<br />
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I bristled at the "been there, done that" cynicism I sometimes encountered when we applied to adopt. It reminded me of when I was a blissful and newly pregnant mom-to-be and so many people took the opportunity to tell their labor horror story, toddler nightmare or say things like "Sleep while you can," while they gave a dramatic eye-roll. My opinions on adoption theology, my philosophy and preferences and MYSELF have all changed fairly dramatically since we began 4 years ago, but I never want to patronize someone who is considering adoption, or imply that I know it all because I've been in this "world" for a few years and brought home just one child! If you want some real wisdom, talk to the mamas with multiple adoptions under their belt.<br />
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But I decided to do a little series about what I, personally, have learned. Every adoption journey is different, and if you are considering older child adoption, domestic infant, or foster-to-adopt, it will look very different than international toddler adoption, which was our personal choice. But much of the perspective I have gained has little to do with our son's age, and more to do with adoption as a whole. Adoption is often romanticized, which I believe is a serious detriment to everyone in the adoption triad. (OK, I will do a teeny bit of educating in case you don't know: <i>adoption triad </i>means the three parties involved in adoption: birth family, adoptee and adoptive family.)<br />
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My first post will be about one of the biggest changes in my heart in the last four years. It centers on a basic adoption philosophy. It's an ongoing, complicated discussion regarding adopting as a form of saving or rescuing an orphan. Stay tuned for some ruffled feathers.<br />
<br />Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-51980812461027160032014-03-12T14:14:00.001-07:002014-03-12T22:31:02.829-07:00It's so simple. Monday is my grocery day. It has been for years. But it's MONDAY, as I mentioned, so things are usually crazy, cranky and chaotic. I barely get the kids to school without losing my mind or doing the demon-mommy arm grab while talking through gritted teeth, then I bring Asher home and let him have a little Curious George time while I menu plan and list create. I have about 30 minutes to do the list, grab my cash and my re-usable bags (I live in Oregon, people) and head out the door. I can do my shopping and get back to the school for kindergarten pick up, then bribe the younger two with some snack from the store (that we surely ran out of last Friday) while I put the groceries away. <br />
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Have I mentioned I hate grocery shopping? Just do not like it at all. Especially with kids. Bless them. But I hate it. In the summer when they are all home, I often go at 9pm rather than take all three. No matter how I prep them and myself, create elaborate "help mommy" games and put my creative parenting hat on, 99% of the time it ends in tears and whining. And that's just from me.<br />
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My youngest is notoriously NOT good at sitting still for longer than 30 seconds. So taking him shopping is almost as frustrating as all three. I am just used to it being an exhausting 40 minutes, with him whining and yelling and grabbing things off the shelves and climbing out of the cart, me buckling the buckle and him immediately unbuckling it. (Locks and buckles are a joke to this child!) In his defense, he is an energizer bunny and it's got to be boring as hell for his active body and mind to sit in that cart doing the EXACT SAME THING we did 7 days ago and not getting to swim in the lobster tank or sift through the bulk food candy like he wants.<br />
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This last Monday was no exception, and as we checked out, I did my usual juggling act of bagging my groceries, calling out instructions to Asher ("Sit down please. Hands in. Please sit down. Put the bread back. Put the bread back in the cart. PUT THE BREAD BACK IN THE CART. We don't throw. No throwing. Play with your toy! You have a fun toy! Don't throw the toy. I have to take the toy now.), and walking back and forth between him and the food. Then he tried to crawl out of the cart again, but he got stuck and started to scream in pain. I dropped my food and ran over, trying to figure out where he was wedged between hip/knee/ankle/toe and try to calm him down. It took about 10 seconds, which felt like an eternity. He was crying sad tears, and so I cupped his face and quietly told him I didn't want him to get hurt and he needs to SIT DOWN IN HIS SEAT. Life with this kid is a loud whirlwind, so it honestly wasn't anything extra crazy or stressful, just normal crazy and stressful. I was irritated, but didn't freak out. Yeah, me!<br />
<br />
But I don't think I realized how high-strung I was until the older woman on the other side of the bagging lane just picked up her groceries and smiled at me, looked straight in my eyes and said "You're a good mama." And she left.<br />
<br />
And hot tears started streaming down my face.<br />
<br />
It's not that no one has ever told me that. Dear people in my life have encouraged me. But it's just in the bone-weary, day-to-day work of pouring into these little guys that sometimes it feels a little bit like a losing battle. It's so much easier to notice how I'm failing to live up to the mom I want to be than it is to notice the times when I actually AM the mom I want to be. Maybe it's also that my measure of success is pretty skewed. If my children's behavior and my level of inner peace and calm is the barometer for "good mom" then it is quite rare for me to achieve that coveted label. <br />
<br />
And I know I'm not alone! Fortunately I am surrounded by honest moms who express many of the similar struggles to live up to our own ridiculous standards. Most of us admit that at least one or more of our kids are in really challenging, exhausting seasons. Over coffee and muffins and park benches and juice boxes we talk about how crazy we are about our kids, how we never knew a love could be so strong it physically hurts. But we also admit it's harder than we thought. We don't want to mess up these precious lives.<br />
<br />
So when that lady in Winco rocked my world with those four little words, I thought: It's so simple. We need to be told we are doing well. We need to tell each OTHER that we are doing well. I want to notice small ways that the mamas in my life are pressing in to their children, doing hard work when easier is an option, and continually striving to be molded and crafted into the mom our children need us to be, the mom God has created us to be. The other moms in my life do things differently than I do--we make different parenting choices. But we ALL are doing the best we can to love and guide our kids into healthy, well-adjusted, kind people. And we need all the encouragement we can get.<b> </b> So today I make a promise to be better at telling those in my life:<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">You're a good mama.</span></b><br />
<br />
<br />Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-1387208859250931012014-03-10T21:34:00.000-07:002014-03-11T09:32:57.103-07:00Treasure, part 2.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Wow. As I cut and paste the second half of this treasure, (you can find <a href="http://www.brazenlilly.blogspot.com/2014/03/treasure.html">part ONE here</a>) I'm overwhelmed with the sheer quantity of lessons learned. Pace yourself, because it's a lot of information, but it is SO VALUABLE!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />When I was praying about this speaking engagement, I kept asking God to place on my heart what He wanted these mamas to hear. An image I kept getting in my head over and over again was one of our physical homes--apartment, condo, house, whatever it is. Each night we lock the doors and windows, securing our families. I cannot tell you why, but the Lord kept bringing my mind to the verse in 1 Peter talking about how our "great Enemy, the Devil" prowls around like a lion, looking for someone to devour. I continually was picturing Satan prowling around our marriages, looking for a crack in the door. If we let our guard down, if we fail to secure our homes, he will find a way in and pounce. That crack may be a moment of discontent, of comparison, of bitterness...anything that the devil can use to put a wedge between and husband and wife. We are all imperfect and vulnerable. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Satan CRAVES broken marriages. He works overtime to tear down what God has joined. But just as fiercely as Satan craves them broken, God longs for them to be thriving and healthy. Healthy, God-centered marriages very often produce healthy, God-centered children. And healthy, God-centered children? CAN CHANGE THE STINKING WORLD. Let's not let these treasures go unheeded! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">PRACTICAL<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Give him some space. Let him go
camping, or play basketball or golf without being a martyr. He will be grateful and
glad to come home to you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Take your finances seriously. Take an active
role. Set financial goals TOGETHER.
Remember, you are a team!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Make your new family unique. The process of building your
own family can get mixed up with each of your original family dynamics so it is
important to decide what you want to keep, change or eliminate from your
childhood family traditions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Find community you can trust. Walking through
marriage just the two of you is lonely and dangerous. Find other couples you
respect and trust, perhaps those who have been married longer or have more
wisdom, and ask them to tell you all their secrets. Never stop learning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Create a habit of not keeping secrets from each other. Train your heart, your eyes and your mind to
love your one and only, "forsaking all others.”</span><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> Plan appreciation surprises. Make a
special day on any day. I have done post- it parties in his car, special
treats, notes in his lunch, notes on the mirror when he got up, set up a good
morning treat, doing a chore he hasn’t gotten to, signs on the garage door
when he pulls up. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> This is something we
involved our kids in as they grew, and it was a wonderful family practice to
encourage each other with surprises.</span><span style="background: white;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Date night can save your marriage. We committed to a weekly date
night years ago and believe me, there are times when going out, getting
dressed, making that effort was the last thing I wanted to do. But it got
us through the crazy years and continues to be a touch point for us. It’s
a connection place to keep us from becoming isolated. It's not always
fun, but always important. :)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>Leave your kids and go
on vacation. Start with one night if it’s hard to get away. Once you
start doing it, it becomes easier and well worth all the effort to get your
kids situated while you are gone. This man will still be around when your
kids are gone, so you better figure out how to enjoy him now!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12pt;">NEED HIM.</span><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>Our culture sends a message that as
women we should not 'need' our men. It
is a vicious ploy of the enemy that leaves us fragile and anemic. But our
'need' of our husbands helps them grow into the men they are destined to
be! Moral of the story: you can need
your man and still be strong and capable! </span><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Choose the right time to discuss a problem issue. Don’t ambush him or
bring it up when you both don’t have time to talk, or if one of you is
exhausted. Make a date to talk when you are both rested and calm. Okay,
sometimes issues have to be discussed when they need immediate action.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">- Remember that he can’t read your mind.
YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM WHAT YOU ARE FEELING.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">- Make sure to make time to just talk. When the kids went to bed,
instead of a book, computer, or TV, try to just sit down and catch up. We
noticed when we did that other things would run better.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span class="apple-converted-space" style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span></span><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> Laugh together
often. Like, laugh HARD together. We make each other laugh, we find TV shows
and movies that make us laugh, we've established inside jokes from when we were
dating up until now that make us bust up every time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">- Communicate! I used to be silent when I was
upset, but I realized it was a type of manipulation. I would hang out there for
a few days, shutting him out. The Lord showed me that was sin, and I had
to have a conversation with my husband even if it was so hard for me. We
had to learn how to talk in a healthy way about everything--sooner than later
so we weren’t tripping over the carpet all the unspoken stuff was under.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">- My husband and I have found some good freedom in making a point to get
so honest with one another. Talk about the small things before they become big.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: #F7F7F7; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Communication is key. I once read an article that
challenged couples to rid their marriage of rhetoric. Instead of asking,
"How was your day?" Ask specific questions that solicit honest
answers like, "when did you feel frustrated today?" or "When did
you feel the love of God today?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: #F7F7F7; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Have a yearly big girl talk with your spouse. Ask
specifically how you can meet his needs. Where you are falling short as a
Christ follower, wife, mother. Be ready for it with lots of prayer and
acceptance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-size: 12pt;"> Stop stressing over the little stuff. Get over it!
Life is too short with the one you love. I have so many dear
friends who have lost their husbands.
That has had a huge impact on my marriage. I want to live each day
like it’s our last day together. </span><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Take vacations together. The planning process can be
fun. It gives you a reason to dream and look forward to time together. When we
can't afford it, we do staycations in another part of the city that we haven't
seen to keep costs minimal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At the end
of the day prepare the kids to go crazy with excitement that daddy's home, then
set the timer for 20 minutes and let dad change his clothes and unwind before
you unload about your day or the kids tackle him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Go to a marriage conference once a year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Daily ask yourself—would I like being married to me
right now? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">SPIRITUAL<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Fiercely fight for your marriage, not
because it is fragile but because it is precious.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Pray, pray, pray for your husband, even when you are mad at him. We
often have no idea how the enemy is trying to weaken him, and undermine him as
a believer and a godly husband and father.
</span><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Ask your
husband how you can pray for him.</span><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-God is in the life-changing business.
You are not. If you have a problem with your husband. Tell him once, and let God work the rest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Invest in
your own spiritual growth. Never stop
striving to be more like Jesus.<span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-size: 12pt;">-Ask God to make you the wife that your husband needs you to
be and asking Him to make you the wife that God wants you be.</span><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">- Marriage is a battle so it must be fought for
day in and day out. You and your husband are on the SAME </span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-size: 12pt;">SIDE, fighting against the enemy. It can't be
taken lightly and especially during those crazy baby years. It still
needs to be a priority. As a wife I must make a choice, even when I don't
always feel like it to get up and </span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-size: 12pt;">love my husband. Maybe choosing to keep the
house a bit cleaner, change out of my sweats and take a shower, serve him, it's
in those small daily choices that I can tangibly love my husband beyond myself.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">- Don’t try to change him. Let God do that. Work on your own actions,
and ask God for the ability to see your husband through His eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Find a godly couple you can look up to. It might be your parents
or someone in your church. It’s important to see a healthy marriage and
be encouraged and challenged by that example. There’s a lot of wisdom that can
be passed on and shared so don’t miss it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12pt;"> FORGIVE</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12pt;">.</span><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> It is so worth it. A marriage can survive even the
deepest and biggest of wounds because of the power of forgiveness. We have hurt each other so much and have
forgiven miles and miles of sins and offenses, and I don't regret it one
bit. Being married as long as I have has
ONLY happened because of forgiveness--radical, ridiculous, life-giving, Jesus
motivated forgiveness. The season of marriage down the road (where I am now) is
SOOOOOO sweet! Having said that, it
required a sturdy and solid and 'out loud' vow to the Lord in the midst of the
hardest year of our lives that "Lord I will NOT divorce him and YOU WILL
HAVE TO HELP ME forgive and stay put!”
Our God is in the resurrection business! He can bring back to life a
dead love!<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span class="apple-converted-space" style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Spend time with the One who put your together in the first place. We’ve
had seasons of being really consistent in our devotions and times when we
haven’t, but it always blesses our marriage when we make a commitment to
starting our day that way. We’ve done devotions together, individually
and then later shared what we’re learning with each other, either way…do them!
You’ll never regret it, and pray, pray pray. Pray with your spouse, for your spouse, for
yourself as you work toward being the wife you are called to be…He hears each
one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">- Praying together as a couple hasn't just "happened." We have
to make it happen, be intentional. It's totally something we want to do, to
pray over our future, to pray for each other, pray for others, and we we do we
are SO blessed and realize how important that is and feel so unified in our
marriage. It's something we're still working on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- As a wife, if I remember I am first called to serve Jesus, and He has
called me to respect and serve my husband. Remembering this makes it
easier sometimes when I don't feel like it. I have even seen this played
out for wives in seasons when their husband wasn't respectable. When
their heart was determined to follow Gods calling, by respecting their husband
they were respecting Jesus.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-84144333119990032752014-03-09T21:50:00.001-07:002014-03-09T22:31:53.097-07:00Treasure<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently I was honored to be asked to speak at a moms group at a friend's church. They have an awesome and active young moms group, extremely well organized with over 50 moms! I've been doing a little bit more speaking lately, so I was feeling good about it until I heard the topic: marriage. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happily married. But I'm no expert. In fact, I'm such an imperfect wife that the thought of telling others how to do it better was beyond humbling. We're coming up on 13 years and I feel like I need about 13 more before I could fill 45 minutes with wisdom that came from my own head and home. But I knew that at the season these moms are in (kids under 5, which I'm working my way out of, but am still very much in), we CRAVE practical wisdom from seasoned, godly women. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, I decided<b> not</b> to fill the time with wisdom from my own head. I had plenty of things to share, but I needed more. I went to a bunch of those seasoned, godly women and asked them to lay it on me. I asked them to share with me some lessons they have learned in their years of marriage, which ranged from a couple years to over 40. What they sent to me, in email after email, was more than just bullet points. It was AMAZING. I kept thinking of each one as a gem. And you know what you get when you compile gem after gem? You get <b>TREASURE</b>. I can't keep it to myself! <br />
<br />
And can I tell you a theme I saw running through? Die to self. Even the most strong, confident and capable women need to learn to be selfless in a marriage for it to grow. The act of surrendering what is best for <b>me </b>and the CHOICE of choosing what is best for <b>US</b>--that is where the sweetest and deepest joy can abound. <br />
<br />
But there are so many gems that I divided them into 4 categories: Relational, Sexual, Practical and Spiritual. Today I'm only going to post the first two, and then in a couple days I'll do part 2. I pray you are as encouraged and empowered by these words of advice as I have been. They are from imperfect wives who serve a perfect God, one who LONGS for our marriages to be strong and thriving.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">RELATIONAL<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Be the
first to laugh at yourself. Do NOT take
yourself too seriously. Try not to be
easily offended or overly sensitive.
Your mood affects the entire home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Practice
saying “I’m sorry.” Say it often for the
little things, and then it won’t be so hard to say it for the bigger
things. Don’t be that person who
physically can’t form the words. That’s
not attractive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Wives, your husband is not a woman.
He doesn't communicate, think or act like a woman. Keeping this in mind
will help your expectations, ultimately your appreciation for him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Do not correct your husband in public. So what if the event in his story really
happened on a Saturday instead of Sunday like he told it? Don't nag or demean him in front of others. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 16px;">I’ve seen strong men's dignity crumble in front of my eyes because of the way their wives treat them in front of others. It’s UGLY! Don’t be an ugly wife.</span><br />
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Please, please do NOT
berate or mock your husband, in front of him or behind his back. This is a real
temptation when girlfriends are venting about their husbands. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Fix your own crap.</span><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;"> We all bring emotional baggage into our
marriages. Go to counseling, talk to a
wise friend, whatever you need to do to deal with it. You'll find that his issues seem smaller and
you will be more content. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">- Make your
kids believe their dad is the smartest, strongest, wisest daddy in the entire
world. NEVER roll your eyes at Dad to make the kids laugh. Never put him
down if front of the kids or anyone else for that matter. Don't make him out to
be the goofy, bumbling kind of dad the media loves to portray. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-It is
important that you agree before moving forward on big decisions. If you struggle with the concept of
submitting, pray for a joyfully submissive heart! Yes, it goes against what the world tells us,
but it is God’s plan for a better marriage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Dream together!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Don't forget your manners! Even after years and years, when you are extremely comfortable around each other, it is still important to speak with kindness. Saying please and thank you is important! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-<span style="background: white;"> We always work on keeping confidences. If I’m not
sure if I could/should share something about him with others, I ask him.
Some things I thought were not a big deal to share, but I found they WERE to
him. He does the same for me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Don’t wait for your spouse to “figure out” what is bothering you. Find
a loving way to tell him and allow him the opportunity to work through it with
you. Wasting time brooding is just that…a waste. Help each other.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> A guy wants to be pursued too. Sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking
that is the guy’s job. Not so. Also as a mom I get so wrapped up in being
a mom or keeping things together, that I forget to give my husband the
attention that he deserves. Figure out his love language beyond sex. Text while he's at work and tell him you love
him or why. Talk face to face for a few minutes when you can, even if
that means turning off the TV, phone or computer. Don't wear a hoodie and yoga
pants everyday even if they are uber-comfy. Buy lingerie or plan a date,
make his favorite treat, etc. Husbands want to see you making an effort.
They understand we are busy, so even the smallest gesture means a lot!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> I'm not married to my father. My poor husband had to endure my issues
with my father for so many years.
Wives, get counseling for your issues before it messes with your
marriage.</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Never stop being thoughtful with your spouse. Take time to write him a
note, plan a fun surprise date for him, make a special dinner you know he
loves. It’s a way to show him you love him. If you know something is
weighing on him offer to help or if it’s something you can do jump in and
surprise him by doing it yourself. Yes, I’ve mowed the lawn and taken
down Christmas lights. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">- Forgiveness & grace must be present in
my attitude towards my husband. (I’m so prideful! I so want to be right. ) </span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Guard your
family's emotions, be completely trustworthy with vulnerabilities. Know
when something is really important to your spouse and handle that the way you
want your important stuff to be handled. Usually this involves sharing
personal information, weaknesses or fears - we need to guard the information
that is important to the others, even when it might seem silly to
us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span></span><span style="background: white;">This one is a real gem…are you ready? Husbands do not
like bathrobes worn all hours of the day. :) It may sound silly, but
taking time every once in a while to “dress up” for your husband means a lot to
them.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Decide your
personal wills and won'ts. Example: I
won't use a threat of divorce, violence or gossip to manipulate. I will
make my relationship with God a priority, the only one above my marriage.
I will protect my husband and stand with him. I won't cause others to
think poorly of him. I won't leave in a huff, making him worry for
hours. I will express my fears, frustrations, desires and needs. We
will handle disagreements and disappointments with each other in private.<span class="apple-converted-space"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Be sure you are honoring your husband when you
speak about him to others. You should be his biggest fan so present his best to
your friends….don’t fall into the trap of being a complaining wife.</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Support. Be
your spouse’s number one fan. Tell and show them how much your support them.
Support and understanding works WAY better than nagging.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span> Ephesians 5:22-23 "Wives,
understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.
The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his
church, not by domineering but by cherishing." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;">-I’ve learned how
important it is to a</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">ccept
my husband’s LOVE for me. He loves me to
the moon and back. I had to get over myself, understand how God loves me so I
could receive my husband’s love in a healthy way. We’ve come SO far, but it was my heart that
changed, not my husbands. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Understand
each other’s love language. It is a HUGE
help to know that!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> I want to find out about things he is interested in. When my husband was in law school, I took a
class on "law for laymen.” I wanted to understand more about his
world. Our conversation time was much more interesting. </span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Be proud of your spouse!! Tell
him that you are proud of him. Text,
post-it note, it’s never too much.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>If you are grateful for
him, or appreciate something about him, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell him.
Even if it seems like a small thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">- Choose the right time to discuss a problem issue. Don’t ambush him or
bring it up when you both don’t have time to talk, or if one of you is
exhausted. Make a date to talk when you are both rested and calm. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;">-</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">
When you are disagreeing, always ask yourself if proving your opinion as the
“right” one is worth the harm done to your relationship. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Remember these words and use them often: I COULD BE WRONG. Saying it in the midst of a disagreement will
help you not dig a hole out of pride.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;">-Trust your spouse.
There is really no point in with-holding parts of yourself, as if you can keep
the pain of disappointment and hurt at bay. You are married to an imperfect
person, they are going to fail, fall short, wound you - you knew this when you
said "Yes." Even still, trust that person. Love them completely and
let them love you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 31.5pt; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">“</span></i><i><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;">Make your relationship a place of refuge and safety. I want
my husband to feel the freedom to fail, to make mistakes, to mess up, to be the
person I don't really want him to be - and to know he is still loved. To know
that I'm not going to be another voice saying he should be something better or
that he's messed up. He has the rest of the world for that. Marriage is really
sacred and God-like when it surpasses being just a relationship and becomes
this sacred place of safety on earth for us. It is a gift. And this perspective
helps me to choose my words and choose my silence in a way that builds him up.
We are seeking the betterment of each other, not merely just raising a family
together, although that's really fun, too.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">SEXUAL</span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Sex matters. It really, really does. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Do whatever it takes to get
your mind and body in the moment. Do it often. Repeat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Try to understand that sex
is one of the, if not THE main way that he feels connected to you and loved by
you.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Don’t make your husband
feel guilty about wanting sex. The
alternative is not desirable</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-Just get laid, ladies. Seriously.
Do it. It is one of the keys to a
long and happy marriage.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">-</span></span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;">Have
sex with your husband even if you're tired, even if you have a headache, even
if you just don't want to. Do it out of obedience to God. You'll probably even like it after a few
minutes!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;">-</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;">HAVE SEX MORE<b>.
</b></span><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;">Here
is my brilliant, million dollar insight on the matter....wait for it....IT
DOESN'T TAKE THAT LONG! I mean really. Nike got it right. Just do
it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;">-</span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;"> Sex.
It gets better and better. Really,
I promise! Our husbands need it.</span><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-29898747174720043132014-03-03T19:16:00.001-08:002014-03-03T22:02:31.346-08:00How Refreshing.This last weekend, Trent and I were finally able to attend a conference for adoptive (and foster) parents, and we went TOGETHER! It was the <a href="http://www.occ.org/refresh/">Refresh Conference</a> at Overlake Christian Church outside of Seattle, and it was amazing! No wonder they are calling it the "Called to Love for Couples." OK, I'm the only one calling it that, but it's catchy, right? ;) The quality of the conference (especially considering the price) was mind-boggling. Great teaching, great worship, awesome food and lots of great little details that made you feel really loved on. I highly recommend it to any PNW families. It was fantastic to be learning, worshipping and connecting as a couple. Of course I was still totally Social Sally (Amy, Sarah and I had a C2L table and we were networking and selling merchandise as well, so I was wearing my ministry hat too), but Trent hung with me and had a great attitude.<br />
<br />
We did go our separate ways a few times, and one of those times was during a breakout session where I had the honor of being on a panel of adoptive and foster moms. No idea how I was thrown in the mix, but it was a major highlight of the weekend because of the women I met on the panel. We connected quickly and deeply. It helped that we were up in front of a large room pouring out our hearts, our vulnerabilities and our weaknesses. "Hi! Nice to meet you. Let's talk about the ugliest parts of our journey, 'kay?! SO FUN!" Also, I was sitting next to LISA QUALLS, who is someone I admire and respect so very much, who has a very widely read blog (<a href="http://www.onethankfulmom.com/">www.onethankfulmom.com</a>), and is pretty well-known in the adoption community. I had never met her before and was pretty excited. It was hilarious for us to share our stories back to back. Jen: "I have three kids, one of them is adopted and it is, like, SO HARD, you guys." Lisa: "I have twelve kids, four of them are adopted, two of them have severe attachment issues, and I homeschool." Ha! But she was the epitome of grace and never makes anyone or their stories feel "less than." We were each asked to share about a specific aspect of our journey, and I shared a little about my struggles with what I call the secret side of attachment--the parents' attachment to the adopted child(ren). I felt like I rambled a bit and didn't mention things I had planned to, and also cried a bit, but that's a real shocker for those who know me. Or have ever sat next to me in worship. Or had a conversation with me. ANYWAY, afterwards I had some great conversations with women who were in the session. One told me "When you started talking, I thought 'Is someone really going to talk about this<b> out loud</b>?' I thought I was the only one." Praise God. It was a confirmation that honesty and vulnerability amongst adoptive parents is so needed.<br />
<br />
I wanted to share a little gem that I took away from the conference. The aforementioned very cool Lisa Qualls spoke in a main session about Nehemiah, a man in the Old Testament. Nehemiah had a pretty great job and comfortable life (OK, he was the cup bearer, so his job was great as long as no one decided to poison the king.) But God broke Nehemiah's heart for the long-destroyed city of Jerusalem. He asked Nehemiah to leave his cushy life and go into the rubble and the brokenness of Jerusalem and rebuild it. But get this---God asked him to rebuild a wall that was damaged before Nehemiah's time. If you are not getting the analogy to parenting an adopted or foster child, then you are not paying attention. As Nehemiah led his people in the rebuilding, they came under attack by outside forces who did not want the wall rebuilt. But Nehemiah had been given this task by the Lord, his heart longed for the wall and the city to be rebuilt, and he was not going to give up or surrender. So he took half of his workers and posted them as guards, and the other half were to keep working on the wall. The guards were on the lowest and highest places of the wall, protecting the workers and running interference if they were attacked. They worked together toward the same goal.<br />
<br />
Before the weekend, the sweet new friend who put the mom panel together emailed an encouragement to us and how we might minister to the women in our session. <span style="background-color: white;"> She said that she kept getting an image that</span><span style="background-color: white;"> "we are the watchmen on the tower, just like Nehemiah's men. We are doing spiritual battle for these women as God is helping to restore their ruins and the rubble in their children's lives. We are standing on their walls, battling for and with them. Through our vulnerability and willingness to take off our masks, God will be using our testimony to minister, heal and restore these women." She also mentioned that in Isaiah 58:12, God talks about how "We will become repairer of broken walls, restorer of streets with dwelling......" </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I loved that these two women were both drawn to the story of Nehemiah. And I connected deeply with it, because I have been on both work teams. I have been in the midst of the rubble, fumbling my way through with rocks that are way too heavy, being attacked by an Enemy telling me I can't do it and reminding me of the enormous importance of the task at which I was failing. During those times, I've had co-laborers who were not carrying the same heavy weights, but they were interceding for me. They supported me, protected me, looked out for me--they were running interference for me when I was too weak to fight for myself. But even though I don't think my challenges are long gone, I'm definitely resonating more with the watchmen today. I've been to two different adoption retreats in the last month, and met parents who have multiple adopted or foster children. They are in deep with precious lives who are so very broken. And it is heartbreaking, life-sucking, exhausting work. I feel very confident that God is not calling us to add to our family right now, and sometimes I can start to feel a little guilty about that. (Especially when I'm hanging with the "families of 8 or more" crowd.) Is our family's emotional health balancing out so that we can take on a new challenge?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">But this passage in Nehemiah reminds me that we can't all be in the trenches at the same time. Those of us who have served a time down there--and heaven knows we will probably be down in them again--have a unique perspective and ability to minister to those still digging through it. When we have reached a less hectic, less dark, less chaotic season, it is our PRIVILEGE to be the watchmen over our beloved co-laborers. I especially feel that way about the amazing women I've met through Called to Love, but also about so many of my mama friends--adoptive and not. Praise God that He knows we cannot all be down in the rubble and ruin at once. Our hearts have been broken for what breaks His, and we strive to rebuild lives that are precious to the Father. May we all become repairers of broken walls, partnering together in the name of the only One who truly can bring beauty from the ashes.</span><br />
<br />Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-16951118359651932942014-01-20T18:00:00.001-08:002014-01-20T18:57:57.903-08:00Lyrically speakingI dig lyrics. Instrumental music has it's time and place for my relaxation, but I like me some songs with words. They stick with me.<br />
<br />
I have no gift for song-writing; believe me I've tried and it was not pretty. They were all mostly of the "roses are red, violets are blue" category. Speaking of, I can't write poetry for crap, either. And I don't know if you are like this, but when someone shows an amazing, I mean a GOD-ordained talent or giftedness in an area where I am talentless, it leaves me in awe. (Don't even get me started on the dancers on <a href="http://www.fox.com/dance/">SYTYCD.</a>) And then when they USE that gift to point to the Creator? It gives me chills down to my toes. I feel that way about certain songs and their composers.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I find a line or two in a song and pull it out of the rest, carry it with me and put it on repeat, over and over. There's a song we sing at church called "What Joy is Found" by Vineyard/Jeremy Riddle (but, FYI, I like the way we do it at church better than the recording.) Some of the lyrics are simple, but divine. This juicy nugget was something I meditated on for a good week: <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>What joy is found in communion with you/</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>In living a life that pleases your heart/</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Responding in reverence to all that You are</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Do I really believe that? That there is deep and abiding JOY in just living a life that pleases God's heart? In being in communion with him, recognizing who HE is and repsonding to it? Even if I get nothing accomplished in the eyes of the world--or my eyes, for that matter. Oh, gosh, I hope so.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Then sometimes, I notice that lyrics from different songs written in different centuries complement each other beautifully, or express a similar concept in different ways. For instance, in the third verse in the hymn "When I Survery the Woundrous Cross," Isaac Watts wrote these words: </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>All the vain things that charm me most/</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I sacrifice them to his blood</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
That verse is so convicting to me! Oh, Jesus, help me see past all the vain things that charm me most and focus on what is eternally important to You. Then I noticed there is a similar sentiment in the more recent chorus "Lead Me To The Cross," written by the amazingly talented Brooke Frasier:</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Everything I once held dear/</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I count it all as loss</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
See what I'm saying?! And, to top it all off, I feel like these "discoveries" of mine are not just me having my observant hat on. I think the Holy Spirit brings these to my attention when I'm willing to have open eyes and ears. Maybe when I need to learn something? Ouch. Vain, charming things that I hold dear? I'm embarassed to say how many things are on that list.<br />
<br />
On Christmas Eve, I got to sing a fun duet arrangement of a little known holiday jig called "Joy to the World." LITERALLY I've sung it hundreds of times in my life. Same words, same melody. But I got thinking about the refrain: </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And wonders of His love, wonders of His love/</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>wo-ONders, wonders of....His....love.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
What is it about His love that is so wondrous? Do I recognize it? Does it feel wondrous to me? How can I describe it? Then I heard this song, that you may not have heard, so I'm going to link you up with the vid down below, because it is too good to miss. And in the same days that I was pondering the wonders of God's love, I heard these lyrics mixed with a moving melody (not realizing they were by Sidewalk Prophets, quickly becoming one of my fave bands):</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I am the thorn in Your crown/ but You love me anyway</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I am the sweat from Your brow/ but you love me anyway</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I am the nail in Your wrist/ but You love me anyway</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I am Judas' kiss/ but You love me anyway</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>See now, I am the man that called out from the crowd</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Yes, then I turned away with this smile on my face</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And then alone in the night, I still called out for You</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>So ashamed of my life, my life, my life</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>BUT YOU LOVED ME ANYWAY</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Oh, God...how you love me</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
THAT is it. Those words painfully capture the beauty and the WONDERS OF HIS LOVE. That I am a sinner, failing Him day after day, making the same mistakes, feigning passion when I am often so wretchedly mediocre. We ALL sin and fall short of His glory. We let Him down constantly. And yet? His love is constant, perfect, never-changing. He picks me up time after time. I am His beloved, His precious daughter. He give me new mercy every morning, even when I give Him nothing in return. It is truly nothing short of WONDROUS. Now these two songs are forever linked in my mind. I'm so grateful for God who created music and for the song-writers who use their gifts to move me closer to the original Composer of all things beautiful. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Please listen to this song! My fave part starts around 1:56.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/myP9Mvs1sOk" width="480"></iframe></i></div>
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-11848249384503812532014-01-11T09:12:00.002-08:002014-01-11T13:30:42.692-08:00Human Trafficking Awareness DaySome of you know that human trafficking has become a "cause" for me. I really don't know why, other than the more I learn, the more I feel ill. The FBI <a href="http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/investigate/civilrights/human_trafficking">statistics </a>show that humans, primarily young women, are being bought and sold--most often for $ex--around the world. This is happening in the US. This is rampant along the I-5 corridor, where I live. It is a quick way to move people out of state, undetected. This is happening in the run-down hotels off the I-5 exits that I pass EVERY DAY. This is happening at the truck stops where I get gas and run my kids in to use the restrooms. Hundreds of sad stories describe how these girls became victims--some were at risk, homeless or missing, others were drugged and taken from seemingly safe situations.<br />
<br />
I have read articles and statistics, so I know this is happening within miles of my safe home, but I have never seen it with my own eyes. However, I'm quite certain there was a moment when I came face to face with a woman being prostituted against her will.<br />
<br />
My heart is racing and tears are stinging my eyes at the memory. It was our last day in Bangkok, Thailand, where we had spent 2 weeks meeting our son to bring him home. Our flight was leaving around midnight, so we moved to a fancy hotel RIGHT next to the airport to kill time until we needed to check in at BKK. We were walking ALL around this hotel with a hyper toddler, exploring and letting him roam in hallways that were deserted...just because we had nowhere to be. In one especially quiet and vacant back hallway, a older, white, overweight man--I would guess he was in his 60's--came out of a hotel room holding the upper arm of a very young Thai girl. I would say he was gripping her arm, but that might be me adding drama. But they positively were NOT arm-in-arm. He was dressed nicely, she was not.<br />
<br />
He caught my eye for 1 second, and I know my face was full of alarm. He then avoided eye-contact with us and looked straight ahead, walking quickly. The girl's face was expressionless. Her arms were to her sides and her eyes were on the floor. She had no purse or bag. She had to have been around 20. <br />
<br />
Can I be 100% certain that this woman was being forced into $exual acts with this man? No. Can I be 100% certain that everything about it FELT WRONG and red flags were flying in every direction? Yes. As we walked away, I began to shake and feel nauseus. My mind started racing...who can I call? I don't have my phone, and I wouldn't know what to dial even if I did. How can I report this? We had no internet, we had a very traumatized child on our hands, and we were leaving the country in 2 hours. By the time I started thinking clearly and trying to form a plan, they were gone. I knew it would not be wise to try to become <a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0017524/?ref_=fn_al_ch_1">Sydney Bristow</a> and track them down. <br />
<br />
This encounter still sits in my gut like a cement block. Thailand is a beautiful country, full of kind and generous people. I adore this country, my son's birthland. <a href="http://www.humantrafficking.org/countries/thailand">It is also a land plagued by human trafficking. </a> For so many of us, the numbers and the horror stories can blur together and become a little hypothetical. In the hallway of that hotel, the blur became crystal clear to me. The statistics had a face. <i>[I want to add that it was not the inter-racial aspect of the couple that alarmed me. It was everything about the situation added into the moment, especially the countenance of the 2 people. Later at the airport we met a lovely couple--American man in his early 50's and Thai woman in her late 30's--and they were very much in love and had been married for 10 years. No red flags flying.]</i><br />
<br />
I ask you to take a few moments today to do a little research, read an article or two. Today is Human Trafficking Awareness Day. I believe that this ugly secret does need to be brought into the light. Most of us cannot become covert spies and infiltrate brothels. But we can support anti-trafficking efforts with our time, our money and our prayers. Here are just a few organizations that are working to end human trafficking, and/or support the rescue and rehabilitation of victims:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.destinyrescue.org/">Destiny Rescue</a><br />
<a href="http://www.ijm.org/">International Justice Mission</a><br />
<u><a href="http://www.houseofengedi.org/">House of Engedi</a></u><br />
<a href="http://www.abolitioninternational.org/">Abolition International</a><br />
<a href="http://www.compassion.com/">Compassion International</a><br />
<a href="http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/">Not For Sale</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<i>"Nothing happens just because we are aware of modern-day slavery. But nothing will ever happen until we are." Gary Haugen</i><br />
<br />Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-29079791118097231442013-12-31T09:05:00.000-08:002013-12-31T10:44:27.338-08:00Highlight Reel 2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">I was looking back over my f@cebook posts from the year and it was a great snapshot of our lives in 2013. Granted, one must take into consideration the fact that it focuses on the fun and happy, not the ugly. But just know that there was some ugly in 2013 too. I decided to post some of the best pics, status updates and videos as a compilation of the crazy and the awesome. This is our year at a glimpse:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">April 19: WHAT THE HECK. We have a murder mystery going on in the T household, and I'm the prime suspect. Our beta fish, King Kong, is missing from his bowl. I cleaned out his bowl several hours ago, and I SWEAR I specifically remember plopping his little body into the clean water. Now he is GONE. The temporary green cup he stayed in during cleaning is empty, and so is his bowl. Don't see him in the sink, no sign of a jumper...and I am feeling the heat, people!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">April 21: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">MURDER MYSTERY SOLVED! Asher has been cleared of all wrongdoing, and my conviction has been lessened from murder to involuntary fish-slaughter, by way of filling the bowl too full, therefore enticing King Kong the beta fish to jump free of his bowl. He (evidently) plopped off the dresser and managed to make his way under it. Ew. Glad I wasn't the one who found him. After the fact, I said, "Maybe he just wondered what was waiting for him outside of his bowl." Carson said "What was waiting for him was a quick trip to the garbage can." CASE CLOSED.</span></div>
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We listened to this song approximately 2934 times from August to December. Our friend Uncle JJ had a rare glimpse at the VonTrapp family singers belting out Nothing But the Blood: </div>
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Asher developed a hilarious little routine, where he lip syncs passionately to silly little Sunday School songs as if he were rocking out. It never ceased to crack us all up!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2VmB51JeCIvs5R_e9gBvLDP5K8-3krhh_Zn1oZWudr5P4wN1ZpPnMCEip8zNvQenv_TOjg-HXW7NwWx_Qrhn9LaDBo1XT2tbWPulgMWhZbacyeYCEPm4omvq9-CVmjCpkxmEaZg/s1600/IMG_4863.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2VmB51JeCIvs5R_e9gBvLDP5K8-3krhh_Zn1oZWudr5P4wN1ZpPnMCEip8zNvQenv_TOjg-HXW7NwWx_Qrhn9LaDBo1XT2tbWPulgMWhZbacyeYCEPm4omvq9-CVmjCpkxmEaZg/s320/IMG_4863.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
*<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Tonight when we were reading Goodnight Moon, for some reason on the page when the cow jumps over the moon, Asher got very serious and started shaking his head. "Cow, BIG no-no." I don't know why, but this totally cracked me up! Think he hears those words a bit too much? I'm glad he's found someone to boss around. Being the baby is rough!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAjBB7eCFzDO_sB0xorxYm7l0rKh5Qmz2VnOTY2SeEkQAjgHYZ8x0_2sCuaoZ_6iW89fRUeD8jTWf1WXO-iOrtUkYS0egoOBcui3T29b1Cs3mWdLMIZiUJ2-H9GA5fzw1APPwQjQ/s1600/IMG_5665.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAjBB7eCFzDO_sB0xorxYm7l0rKh5Qmz2VnOTY2SeEkQAjgHYZ8x0_2sCuaoZ_6iW89fRUeD8jTWf1WXO-iOrtUkYS0egoOBcui3T29b1Cs3mWdLMIZiUJ2-H9GA5fzw1APPwQjQ/s320/IMG_5665.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
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*<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I need a new measuring scale to categorize my children's meltdowns, like they do with storms, earthquakes or fires. Today we have been hit with multiple F5's and my inner richter scale is measuring about a 9.5. The situation is 1% contained.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiec49zEm4rxkwZPui4TxQnBiddJWN3RwcSMpafZgfuyNzC40VgkFXXxxutUpFBGvU1qTrYWOHqzgKd9ti77ZPfHE74xuqdZWw_MWmuGzTnwqCH6RCSqbhyphenhyphenqgDQUIxeqwlzsi9oHA/s1600/IMG_5355.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiec49zEm4rxkwZPui4TxQnBiddJWN3RwcSMpafZgfuyNzC40VgkFXXxxutUpFBGvU1qTrYWOHqzgKd9ti77ZPfHE74xuqdZWw_MWmuGzTnwqCH6RCSqbhyphenhyphenqgDQUIxeqwlzsi9oHA/s320/IMG_5355.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
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*<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">"Mom, you know that song I asked you about the other day? Well, you were wrong. It's actually: 'Who let the FOG out? Who? Who-who-who?'" "Um, no, it's not. It's DOG." "No, it's FOG." "Ok, sure. You go with that."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">*</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">"Carson, who did you eat lunch with today?" "The cold lunchers from A2. We're kind of a club." "Oh really? Who's the leader of this club?" "Me. And kinda Joshua, but mostly me." Yeah, I kinda had a feeling....</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Just when you think you're covering all your bases as a parent, you notice something. "Carson, how long have you been wearing those pants?" "Since Christmas day!" he says proudly. (That's six days ago.) Sigh.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU7PlZI06S1qWDXwQOL1JVJMckD6c_A4dsCyy3gSysByOYA8eSPpz3dhng3thSrWmrzP4I-4D-igcxoJxqMT7C8-OY5QwLADkuoHL7jXOp9_oBqm4J1uPvto9p_tvcvO2rOpKglQ/s1600/IMG_5303.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU7PlZI06S1qWDXwQOL1JVJMckD6c_A4dsCyy3gSysByOYA8eSPpz3dhng3thSrWmrzP4I-4D-igcxoJxqMT7C8-OY5QwLADkuoHL7jXOp9_oBqm4J1uPvto9p_tvcvO2rOpKglQ/s320/IMG_5303.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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* <span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Overheard from the bedroom: "Asher. I PROMISE I will catch you. I PROMISE." Says the girl who weighs exactly 1 pound more than the child she is promising to catch. This should be interesting.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVKjH0X-8_0vBhZQlvNPhyphenhyphenCgB3ZD_sLppUk4gU7qh3TmyveKmim-N0uOUGCd-Twcjm0yUjwbcPWU6IoNog6PcTeNx0zdF3TEHl2juKxoXGS5mmc59-9iAv1yMwMXYjIMSo17omPg/s1600/IMG_4975.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVKjH0X-8_0vBhZQlvNPhyphenhyphenCgB3ZD_sLppUk4gU7qh3TmyveKmim-N0uOUGCd-Twcjm0yUjwbcPWU6IoNog6PcTeNx0zdF3TEHl2juKxoXGS5mmc59-9iAv1yMwMXYjIMSo17omPg/s320/IMG_4975.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">* Ignoring my frustration at their constant bickering over the play kitchen, Sydney insists on pushing through her brothers with a little menu pad and asking me "What would you like?" "I would like my kids to get along while they play." "We don't have that," she deadpans. Clearly.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">*</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Tonight the kids were discussing something and Sydney gave her opinion. She then paused and said "THAT is a good point." About her own point! Ha!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvo-MNsq6fAXpKvnxO0R5Q520vJZai1jjbIqMijn_YybnRkQyPHS4VMXnVQtP0kLgs0vMt3bSgKsHBFtuLbPgusy13MuRr8UkFpjrYTwS7wyOw4fEeXaTj3L_fdXO2BsVjmAIVYA/s1600/IMG_4772.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvo-MNsq6fAXpKvnxO0R5Q520vJZai1jjbIqMijn_YybnRkQyPHS4VMXnVQtP0kLgs0vMt3bSgKsHBFtuLbPgusy13MuRr8UkFpjrYTwS7wyOw4fEeXaTj3L_fdXO2BsVjmAIVYA/s320/IMG_4772.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">*If you see my non-facebooking husband in the next couple of weeks, pat him on the back and tell him he was a total rock-star hubby this year. He showered me with gifts and affirmation for our anniversary--a total surprise. This from a man who once gave me an empty fish bowl for a (dating) anniversary, with a COUPON for a goldfish. That costs 29 cents. That never came. He's come a long, long way. Love this man and so glad to have him for the last 12 years!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">*So...this just happened. A) yes, he got shocked, but he is fine. B) Before</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> you judge the crap out of me, there WAS a plug protector in the outlet and he popped it out. I gotta make dinner, people!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">*Today at silver falls was one of those days where you feel like falling on the mossy ground & kissing it & thanking God you're an Oregonian.</span></div>
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*<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">My cup overflows! The first annual Called to Love Retreat</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> was bathed in God's presence and favor. I can't even articulate what a blessing it was to meet so many individual moms who share a similar heart, and to work alongside this tireless, drama-less, ego-less team of women. We're already planning for next year!</span></div>
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*It was a casual Easter for us. Love these faces</div>
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One of my favorite new songs from 2013 is "Your Grace Finds Me" by Matt Redman. The lyrics show how God's grace is in every moment, the good, the bad, and yes: the ugly. I see His grace in the mundane and the phenomenal. In the joy and even in the sorrow. My goal is to keep my spiritual eyes open to it always, to continually be "breathing in your grace, breathing out your praise." Here's a link to the song and the lyrics below. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">HAPPY NEW YEAR! Love, Brazenlilly</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">YOUR GRACE FINDS ME</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">It's there in the newborn cry </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">It's there in the light of every sunrise </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">It's there in the shadows of this light </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Your great grace </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">It's there on the mountaintop </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">It's there in the everyday and the mundane </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">There in the sorrow and the dancing </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Your great grace </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Oh, such grace </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">From the creation to the cross </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Then from the cross into eternity </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Your grace finds me </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Yes, Your grace finds me </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">It's there on a wedding day </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">There in the weeping by the graveside </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">There in the very breath we breathe </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Your great grace </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Same for the rich and poor </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Same for the saint and for the sinner </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Enough for this whole wide world </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Your great grace </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Oh, such grace </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">From the creation to the cross </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Then from the cross into eternity </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Your grace finds me </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Yes, Your grace finds me </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">There in the darkest night of the soul </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">There in the sweetest songs of victory </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Your grace finds me </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Yes, Your grace finds me </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Your great grace </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Oh, such grace </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Your great grace </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Oh, such grace </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">So I'm breathing in Your grace </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">And I'm breathing out Your praise </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">I'm breathing in Your grace </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Forever I'll be </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Breathing in Your grace </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">And I'm breathing out Your praise </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">I'm breathing in Your grace </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Forever I'll be </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Breathing in Your grace </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">And I'm breathing out Your praise </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Breathing in Your grace </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">For our God, for our God </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Yes, Your grace finds me </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">Yes, Your grace finds me</span>Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-66743473766525245472013-11-20T15:54:00.002-08:002013-11-20T16:49:14.180-08:00First annual. Definitely.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Last winter when I blogged about a budding new ministry/non-profit that I was starting with my friend Amy, I referred to it as my fourth baby. I never stopped feeling that way, beginning on the plane ride home from Atlanta when God started developing the vision in our hearts to the moment we walked away from an empty banquet hall after seeing that vision come to reality. This little ministry, Called to Love, is definitely my thing. Not MY thing meaning I own it, but rather it's the thing for me. The perfect task for my gifts and passion. I have not been so exhausted emotionally and physically in a really long time; but I have rarely felt so fulfilled and confident that I was exactly where I supposed to be. The weekend was not flawless, but overall it went better than I could have hoped. The feedback was mostly positive, and even the negative was shared in respect and love, offering suggestions and insight, not harsh criticism. It was clear that God was working in the hearts of the mamas who came, including ours!</div>
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We held the retreat at the Oregon Garden Resort, which has a fantastic Grand Hall where we had all of our meals and main sessions. The venue is not perfect (chairs are uncomfortable, the meeting hall is far from the hotel rooms and the parking lot is too small), but it met our needs and the staff was great to work with. Thanks to Amy's creative decorating skills and the twinkling lights, the place looked great. (PS: I stole all these pics from my FB friends, so thanks for that, ladies.)</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsrDcuUoyENgLVkebxoqeAh_ljzyq7tZV0_qlmHGdd-qk187UD2UMQeq6DzlXH0beS3Z4FWyxYJL_OAeCHLGXk4pxA5MDfiW6-blSkiilMtwW3prxbysIvuz3HgVJvWFtWQrIq9w/s1600/grand+hall4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsrDcuUoyENgLVkebxoqeAh_ljzyq7tZV0_qlmHGdd-qk187UD2UMQeq6DzlXH0beS3Z4FWyxYJL_OAeCHLGXk4pxA5MDfiW6-blSkiilMtwW3prxbysIvuz3HgVJvWFtWQrIq9w/s320/grand+hall4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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One of our biggest desires was that the women would CONNECT with each other in real ways, not superficial chatter. That began happening on the first night, as we saw conversations springing up all over the room. Each night around 9:45 pm we had to ask women to go back to their hotel rooms so we could lock up. It happened so naturally, it was amazing to watch.</div>
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This picture cracks me up, because these two girls are not new friends, but sisters. :) Also, that fireplace is to die for.</div>
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Another fun part of the weekend was the vendor tables. We had 10 different vendors, either promoting their non-profit or selling merchandise to raise funds for their own adoptions. There was plenty of time to walk around and chat and drink coffee while looking at all the goodies for sale.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCoGSGMJ009cCF734e35EmjYff7Tk2eTEjawCjosF3FLIGHN-jzGtzRUJb_GwrLECE07liONnaFdpqO_KTqR9ck1iId0RRrmmib7WtLv_X_jHHro2DIgDh0s_KrsJZ5p3HLAcs_A/s1600/rayanna+vendor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCoGSGMJ009cCF734e35EmjYff7Tk2eTEjawCjosF3FLIGHN-jzGtzRUJb_GwrLECE07liONnaFdpqO_KTqR9ck1iId0RRrmmib7WtLv_X_jHHro2DIgDh0s_KrsJZ5p3HLAcs_A/s320/rayanna+vendor.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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One of our team members put in HOURS of preparation for the Encounter room. It was kind of a prayer room, but so much more. She designed several different stations for us to stop and reflect on the theme that we adopt (or foster) because WE have been adopted by God. It was a time carved out from a busy weekend for women as individuals to be alone with God. We got the idea from a similar concept at Created for Care, and then Jessica just ran with it, adding her own spin. I couldn't believe how she transformed this rather boring room into a completely tranquil environment.</div>
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On Saturday morning we had a panel of six adult adoptees answering questions submitted by the moms. We learned that panels are kind of tricky, because we want the speakers to be free to share their thoughts, we wanted each to have enough time to tell us what was on their hearts, but we were also on a time schedule, and six was probably too many for 40 minutes. :) Although it didn't turn out exactly as we had envisioned, they shared some incredibly valuable insight. I don't have a picture, but that night we also had a panel of three birth moms. It was emotional, but really great to hear their stories.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpW9XUC9M0NyuHTOtSP0P7ngMpJnSjZseYw0fHvtt_jvc_l3nVzexbtuCUlByDLcsmqVOqWM9qNtlkcHhvGl6JSMD3B7P-U1hJUngGK4u7Vit9TkZfQs505Yw_OpgLUEt-a3fmxQ/s1600/adoptee+panel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpW9XUC9M0NyuHTOtSP0P7ngMpJnSjZseYw0fHvtt_jvc_l3nVzexbtuCUlByDLcsmqVOqWM9qNtlkcHhvGl6JSMD3B7P-U1hJUngGK4u7Vit9TkZfQs505Yw_OpgLUEt-a3fmxQ/s320/adoptee+panel.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I cannot talk about the weekend without talking about the worship. It was obviously a highlight for many of the women, as reported over and over again in their evaluation forms. We were so blessed to have some of our dear friends from church come and lead the worship time. They are absolute professionals with no agenda other than bringing glory to God. It was incredible. I don't have a picture of all of them, but this is Kristin and Lori, with my partner-in-crime, Amy, in between them at the podium. The LOVE marquis letters were made by Amy, and they were pre-tty bright! One mom commented that as she closed her eyes in worship, LOVE was burned into her retinas! Ha! Sorry if you had headaches, ladies, but it was just too awesome not to use.</div>
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There were so many moments in the weekend where I could feel God's presence and favor. One small thing was on Saturday morning, when we realized that the huge storm the night before had blown away all of our signage, except for one good a-frame sign. We had several volunteers, panel members, speakers, and breakout leaders still to arrive, and it is very hard to find the building without good signs. One of our team members, Tricia, and I were standing outside trying to figure out what to do, because the arrow on our one sign was pointing the wrong way. At this PRECISE moment, a woman walked by and said "We just had an event at our church this week and I have a bunch of big arrows in my car. Do you want them?" Boom. She brought the arrows, Tricia got scissors and tape, and our problem was solved. Coincidence? I think not.</div>
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**</div>
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But my favorite story of the weekend unfolded slowly and ended with a fabulous bang. Literally about 10 minutes before registration began, I got a call from our Sunday morning speaker. She had been diagnosed with pneumonia, and was extremely ill. She was in the hospital with a PICC-line for antibiotics and was on bed rest. She would not be coming to speak on Sunday. I can only give credit to God that I did not panic. I told Amy, and we both just said...OK! We didn't have time to talk or think about it, we just prayed that God would tell us what we were to do for that session. Put it on the back burner until we get these women registered.</div>
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As we were meeting and greeting the mamas whose names we had prayed over, one of them had a question about the vendor tables. I began chatting with her about her table, and I instantly liked her. She's an attachment specialist, a counselor and therapist, and she had just started a ministry with a desire to focus on supporting adoptive and foster moms. She said she felt God calling her to help fill the gap that exists in the support and care of weary moms. (So, kind of exactly what our weekend was about.) She mentioned that she had previously run an adoption agency and placed over 100 kiddos (so, experienced and knowledgeable), but this current non-profit only has only one client. A friend of hers had gifted her this weekend as "kind of a launch" for her ministry. All I can tell you was that the Holy Spirit was practically standing behind her, frantically pointing at her head, saying THIS IS YOUR GIRL! Her name is Susan Killeen, and she was instantly likable, humble, and the exact opposite of self-promoting. At this point, she still thought we were just talking about her 8 foot vendor table!</div>
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I asked Susan if she ever did any speaking. She said something like, "Yes, kind of. It's one of my goals in the future, but I mostly do one on one right now." I smiled and called Amy over. We told Susan our situation, and asked if she would prayerfully consider speaking on Sunday morning, even for 10-15 minutes. Her eyes filled with tears and she said "In front of EVERYONE?" I reminded her that this weekend was her launch! How about a rocket launch?</div>
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I continued to check in with Susan throughout the weekend, and she was incredibly nervous and scared, but admitted that she already felt like God was giving her things that our women needed to hear. Every time I talked with her, I liked her even more, and felt more sure that we had made the right decision. Even if she was only mediocre, God wanted her up there.</div>
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It turns out...she's NOT MEDIOCRE. She took the podium on Sunday morning and just knocked our socks off. She was eloquent, wise, FUNNY, insightful, personal, and absolutely perfect for what we needed to end our weekend. When she left the stage, the women gave her a standing ovation. After we closed, her table was surrounded by women wanting to talk with her, thank her, buy her Bible study and get her business card. We feel like we have this wonderful new partner in ministry--our very own resident expert and friend. I'm so sorry for our original speaker, Kerrie, who is so sick! But I have absolutely no doubt that it was God's plan all along for Susan to be our Sunday morning speaker. She will be invited to many, many more Called to Love retreats. Check her out on FB, Hope Rising Coaching Services.</div>
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**</div>
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Lastly, I want to mention that Amy and I did not pull of this retreat alone. We had an incredible team of eight mamas by our side. Hardly any of them knew each other before this year, but we've come together with a common goal and no other desire than to serve these moms. Each of them is incredibly capable and willing, and none of them has any ego. We never had to over-think the tasks we were delegating, worry about anyone being hurt if they were asked to do too much or too little. We could not have done it without them.</div>
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This is my soul-sister, Amy. We have a lot in common, but we are also very different. Our gifts and strengths wonderfully complement each other, and I never feel a sense of competition with her. I love being her partner. She is an amazing woman of strength and resilience. She's entering her third year of waiting for her adopted children from Ethiopia, and the wait is enough to undo anyone. I am in awe of her grace. My only regret is that we waited until the last session was over to take this picture, and we had both been bawling approximately 3 minutes prior to this photo. (Also, the L and the O were sagging.) It's a good thing we work well together, because we are absolutely sure that this ministry is here to stay. In case anyone was wondering, this was not a one-time retreat. We learned a lot and have room to improve and grow in several areas, but it was clear God's hand was in it. It was definitely the first annual C2L. First of many.</div>
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<br />Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-39678830822460528672013-11-01T08:33:00.000-07:002013-11-01T09:24:00.618-07:00The 411 on C2LMy mind is spinning each day with details, details, details about the upcoming <a href="http://www.calledtoloveministry.org/">Called to Love retreat.</a> I feel like I've talked about it so much that everyone I've ever met knows all about it. But then the other day some friends asked, "Now, what is it exactly?" It's kind of like when I've chatted with another school mom every day for months and months, and the first day we met she may have told me her name, but now we're practically best friends and I don't know her name! Maybe you have heard me yammer on about C2L for months, but don't know the scoop and feel embarrassed to ask!<br />
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Others do know what it is and have asked for an update on how the planning is going. So here is the full story. You might as well read it, because I doubt I'll blog much until the darn thing is over. First I'll give an update, then if you are totally lost, you can keep reading for the background on what the heck Called to Love is and why I'm making such a big deal about it.<br />
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<i style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: large;">T minus 13 days: </span></i>We are 2 weeks out from the very first <a href="http://www.calledtoloveministry.org/">Called to Love retreat</a>, and it pretty much is a part-time job for both Amy and me (with no pay, in case that was unclear). It's on my mind night and day and is leading to some serious insomnia. However, it is a total labor of love. Every little thing we're doing, whether it's answering emails, creating name tags, choosing menus or discussing table decor, gets me more and more excited. I want these women to have the same sense of refreshing and connection that I received when I attended Created for Care in Atlanta last year. I want them to feel understood and loved.<br />
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Right now we have almost 100 moms who have paid and registered for an event that did not exist before last March! Their trust and their sacrifice shows me that there is a need for this type of ministry. These mamas are coming from all over the country, not just the Northwest. We are still watching the bottom line financially and having to make decisions like: should we serve coffee at this session, or buy C2L pens for every attendee? Should we get a gift for the breakout speakers (who are all coming for free) or get a tray of snacks on Saturday night? But we feel confident that God is going to provide just what we need, and more importantly, bring just the right moms who need this weekend.<br />
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We covet your prayers, if you are the praying type. Our biggest request is for the women attending, that it will truly meet them where they are--that it will be a weekend of renewal and refreshing, that they will feel supported and encouraged. Pray for their families at home, many of whom are dealing with hurting children. Our second request is just that God would show His favor in the details. From the right technology to accommodate several different speaker's visual presentations to the food allergies to the weather to the hotel room reservations to the feeling a mama has when she walks in a huge room and doesn't know anyone....our prayer is that all of those pieces will fall into place. Not so that we look good, but so that there will be no distractions from the purpose of the weekend.<br />
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If you are local and looking for a way to help, we have 2 specific needs. On Friday, November 15, we are looking for some humble servants to help women figure out the semi-confusing grounds of the Oregon Garden Resort as they arrive. Our goal is to have teams of 2 work in 60-90 minute shifts, to stand outside, greet the women and direct them. The times we need to cover are 2pm to 6pm, and we need it rain or shine. (Thus the very humble servant aspect.)<br />
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The second need we have is indoors. ;) On Sunday morning, November 17th, at the end of our last session, we are going to have an extended time of worship and prayer. I have already heard the stories of some of the women attending our retreat, and they (and their children) are in the middle of some very heavy situations. We would like to invite outside friends to come and be willing to pray with any mama who needs it (and requests it). You do not need to be a person of eloquent prayer, just a willing heart to put your arm around a hurting mom and seek the Lord's grace, wisdom and love. I know it's often hard to sneak away on a Sunday morning, but the session is at 9:30 am and the prayer time will be around 10:30/10:45. <br />
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Lastly, if you feel led to give something financially, we won't stop you. :) The best way is to give through our paypal account; you can click on the "DONATE" button below. Ironically, our non-profit is not set up for tax-deductable donations yet, BECAUSE we don't have the $750 needed to file with the IRS to <i><b>obtain</b></i> 501c3 status, and we don't feel comfortable asking for donations until we HAVE that status! So, we are not desperate, not actively asking for financial gifts (outside of this paragraph), but we would love to end this year in the black, with perhaps enough to go after that coveted 501c3.<br />
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Thank you to everyone in my very own support group (yes, ALL of you) who walked through our adoption with us, holding our hands each step of the way. Now I feel you cheering me on as I seek to hold hands with other adoptive/foster moms who may not have the same level of support that I have. May God be glorified through it all!<br />
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<b><i>Background: </i></b> Last January, my good friend Amy and I traveled to Atlanta for a conference for adoptive moms (<a href="http://www.createdforcare.org/">Created for Care</a>). She was entering her third year of waiting for her children from Ethiopia, and I was six months home with our adopted toddler after a 2.5 year wait. I can't speak for her, but I was hanging on by emotional threads at the time. I felt like I was failing as parent to my adopted AND bio kids, I was googling things like "post-adoption depression" and could not figure out why everyone on f@cebook seemed to have no issues with their adopted toddlers. I loved my son and still felt confident in our decision, but I was unprepared for the difficulty I had bonding with him. I thought by 6 months home it would have all clicked into place and we'd be madly in love with each other. I was filled with guilt for my lack of affection and ability to parent confidently, and I was frustrated with him for his destructive and defiant behavior--some of which was personality, some toddler nature, and some a result of his own attachment struggles. I knew I loved him fiercely, but I felt like I was drowning in the experience of parenting him. I had wonderful support from friends and family, but none of them had experienced this personally, and even with them I often didn't feel like I could be totally honest, because I didn't want them to worry about me.<br />
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Less than 2 hours after we had landed in Atlanta, I sat in a hotel room with two moms who both looked me in the eye and said "Yes. I've been there. We adopted a toddler boy internationally and it was VERY hard to attach. But IT'S GOING TO GET SO MUCH BETTER. You're going to be OK and so is your son. <i> I know you love him</i>." The tears just flowed. I felt like someone had offered me a life boat, and I climbed in. The rest of the weekend was full of similar conversations. The discussions were full of <b><i>HONESTY AND HOPE</i></b>, two things I needed so badly. I was told over and over again, "Yes, it's hard, but it's worth it. Your child is worth fighting for. It's going to get better. Seek the Lord and He will give you what you need. I GET IT." It was exactly what I needed and was truly a game-changer for me as an adoptive mom.<br />
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Amy and I were not rooming together, and barely saw each other all weekend, because we were spending time with other adoptive moms and being renewed in our own specific ways. During the weekend, they encouraged us to do retreats in our own communities. At one point during the weekend, we met up in an almost empty meeting room and one of us said: "We're so doing this, aren't we?" And the other said, "Oh heck yes we are." I don't remember who said what, but we were both 5 steps into planning before we got on the plane ride home.<br />
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<b><i>The Beginning:</i></b> Once home, we put some feelers out to adoptive mom friends of ours in the Northwest, and immediately had about 7 other friends and acquaintances who were on board to be our "team." They just happened to be some of the most intelligent, capable women I've ever come across, and they were ALL IN. We discussed the huge need for support and encouragement in this unique role. On advice from our attorney (who happens to be one of the moms on our team!) and the founders of the original conference in Atlanta, we chose to start a non-profit organization that would be the foundation of the retreat. Our purpose was simple: encourage and support adoptive AND foster moms in any stage of their journey. Amy and I prayed and brainstormed and prayed some more about a name, and decided on Called to Love. It may sound cheesy at first, but it took the broad vision for this ministry and brought it down to a very simple directive. We are called to love these children. No matter what. Not called to be heroes or rescuers or perfect parents, just LOVE. Our theme verse is Isaiah 43:1: <i>"Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, and you are mine." </i> We were incorporated as state-sanctioned non-profit organization on March 20, 2013. <br />
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Immediately, God started flinging doors open for us. High quality, sought-after speakers and session teachers agreed to come for little or no charge. We strongly desired to hear from adult adoptees and birth moms, and both started coming TO US, willing to use their story to encourage these moms. Foster and adoptive moms from all over the country were expressing great interest. We wondered if we might exceed our 150 capacity! Amy is the budget guru, and she worked and reworked the budget dozens of times. We chose a venue, and found the magic number to be 90 women. If we could get 90 paying registrations and carefully watched every penny we spent, we could pay all of our bills and neither of our families would go into debt. We took a leap of faith and opened the registrations up. We didn't get bombarded like we thought we would, but slowly and surely, moms from across the country have taken their own leap of faith and committed to attending. We are so grateful for how far God has brought this little dream of ours, and want to give all the credit to Him. I'm overflowing with joy to have the opportunity to offer a lifeboat to some other moms, and I pray that they will climb in and receive His abounding love and grace.<br />
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<br />Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-44129910754321783142013-09-22T21:29:00.000-07:002013-09-22T21:41:19.169-07:00September 23--ASHER birthday post<div class="MsoNormal">
September 23, 2013<o:p></o:p></div>
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Happy birthday, Asher Saran!<o:p></o:p></div>
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You are THREE years old today. I’m so happy that we get to celebrate WITH
you. I know we only missed one birthday
of yours, but I think I will always be a little sad about that first one. For some reason that missed birthday also reminds me of the months and months of longing for you to be home, the hundreds--HUNDREDS--of times I would stare at your picture and pray for you and cry a little or a lot. But this second birthday home also makes me so grateful we get to
celebrate ALL the rest with you! This
year we celebrated a little early at family camp. Many of your friends and family were able to
be there and we had monkey cupcakes just for you! <o:p></o:p><br />
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Right now you are really into trains and cars…pretty typical
for a 3 year old boy, I guess! You
especially are drawn to any remote control toy, and you run it in a straight
line until it hits a wall or a foot, and then you laugh and laugh like you are
playing some crazy trick on the toy (or the owner of the foot). Another favorite past-time is one you picked
up from your big sister. You love
cutting paper. Cut, cut, cut all day
long. Of course, this is a tricky hobby,
as there are papers you are allowed to cut and papers you are not, and that
distinction is clear to everyone BUT you.
;) But when Sydney is doing
something crafty at the table, you are content to sit with a stack of scratch
paper and your scissors, making a huge mess, but tuning those fine motor
skills!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkKRUsHxcFZvSlox9Ie7G9JTsQkeu-t0q_m_mIh01PtFhu5q1JZO-dqoTXf5D7hgFLDag4P2RLCUhkY3mmgDIiKQQqgixWYqWuAcNwGaE5n_7mvOqLUd1-cRhHbpH4ON4pYIyv_Q/s1600/IMG_3026.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkKRUsHxcFZvSlox9Ie7G9JTsQkeu-t0q_m_mIh01PtFhu5q1JZO-dqoTXf5D7hgFLDag4P2RLCUhkY3mmgDIiKQQqgixWYqWuAcNwGaE5n_7mvOqLUd1-cRhHbpH4ON4pYIyv_Q/s320/IMG_3026.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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Everyone you meet confirms what we already know about you:
you are a ball of energy! Even when you
are doing very mundane things, like waiting for me to get you a glass of milk,
or walking to the school to pick up your siblings, you can’t stand still or
walk. You have to be hopping or bopping or swaying or dipping or jerking or
bowing. It is not uncommon for you to
run 100 circles around me in the few minutes we wait outside of Carson’s school
for him to come out! You have two
speeds, buddy: 100 mph or asleep.
Coincidentally, you also have 2 volumes: LOUD or asleep. You, my dear, are all boy! But I tell you what everyone ALSO says about you: you are a charmer! You have a smile and a hug that could melt ice, and a laugh that is insanely contagious.<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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My favorite thing that is happening for you in the last few
months is your language development. You
are still playing catch up to most kids your age…you had never even heard
English until you were 22 months old! I
love when you say a word that I’m sure I’ve never heard come out of your mouth
before. For instance, the other morning
when I went to get you out of bed, you said “Daddy go bye-bye ALREADY?” You usually just say “Daddy go bye-bye?” It’s those little victories that encourage us
and make us so proud of the hard work you are doing to communicate. You also worked really hard to form the “F”
sound last week, so that I knew you were saying “My fffffffriend Sam” instead
of “My ten Sam.” Being able to understand
each other is a reward in itself for both of us!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQiE3UOOeMMrTvK56NO2LDNUoSWMFjN7T10LkmemS0OMesktejV3nm8LJFRzYd2EvoTNO0y2lcn_c6b0S1U_YjxKk-2WDZ0AFgQeFaZjdTD0381XPMEYHbOh48AgLz1mgTc5GJTg/s1600/IMG_3403.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQiE3UOOeMMrTvK56NO2LDNUoSWMFjN7T10LkmemS0OMesktejV3nm8LJFRzYd2EvoTNO0y2lcn_c6b0S1U_YjxKk-2WDZ0AFgQeFaZjdTD0381XPMEYHbOh48AgLz1mgTc5GJTg/s320/IMG_3403.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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This summer you had a HUGE success at swim camp! Oh buddy, I was so hopeful for you, but I
admit I had my doubts. They usually
want kids to be three years old and they need to be able to listen and sit
still and obey, which are not often strengths of a 2 year old boy. But you? WERE AMAZING! You have absolutely NO fear of the
water. I told your teacher this, and she
admitted afterwards that she’d heard that before, but didn't really believe. But she said she'd never seen a young child so
eager to fling his body into the depths of the water with his eyes and mouth
wide open! Teacher Karen was wonderfully
patient with you and you responded so well to her. You listened!
And obeyed! And sat still until
your turn! (Uh, most of the time.) And more than once you looked
over at me and yelled “I DIDIT! I DIDIT!” I am
so proud of your brave spirit and your determination.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYLYxMLjvfonWsugb3yE0emjpWCa2AYbNsyxts8-zLXyQwtVNTXFbuaqFCE_9DlxReKqWcBtvXSyoKp98BvoTDdhtZh5nJp3Wf3RKRiC1th0pE8Qx6TpqSJsHRQvqBBRn9Jb3dLg/s1600/IMG_5292.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYLYxMLjvfonWsugb3yE0emjpWCa2AYbNsyxts8-zLXyQwtVNTXFbuaqFCE_9DlxReKqWcBtvXSyoKp98BvoTDdhtZh5nJp3Wf3RKRiC1th0pE8Qx6TpqSJsHRQvqBBRn9Jb3dLg/s320/IMG_5292.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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I think summer is going to end up being your favorite
season. You were made to be an outside
child. The happiest days you’ve had in
the last several months are when we’ve been camping, at the beach or just outside
for hours and hours. I wonder if it’s
because you spent so much of your infancy and toddlerhood toddling around
outdoors in Thailand with your foster siblings.
I wish we had a little more sun for you around here!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIoUATVeE2SOWNvvCNioN8uEJdLoE1LIvD-1NjtBf_TwCXJ8IYmSYzXKYYX925qUxJeX2j92jzC9pK-awQyscmw8htLQbdeewWvKmYsBhcNTM9BNxV4_dNGYHEcs_L0Wpmnzb7kg/s1600/IMG_5365.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIoUATVeE2SOWNvvCNioN8uEJdLoE1LIvD-1NjtBf_TwCXJ8IYmSYzXKYYX925qUxJeX2j92jzC9pK-awQyscmw8htLQbdeewWvKmYsBhcNTM9BNxV4_dNGYHEcs_L0Wpmnzb7kg/s320/IMG_5365.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
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On a kid’s birthday,
moms usually think about the day they were born. I do think a lot about the day you were born,
even though I wasn’t there. I have a
feeling your birth mom is thinking about you a lot today too. Even now, 3 years later, she is still a
teenager, and my prayer is that she feels a great peace in her young heart about her sacrifice,
her choice not to raise you. I’m
thanking God for you today, but I’m praying for her too. I’m grateful for all the information we have
about her and about your birth! You were
born at 7:39 am and you weighed 6 lbs and 12 oz. You were born on a Thursday--did you know BOTH your brother and sister were also born on a Thursday?! You like to tell people all the time
(including us many times a week) that you were born in Thailand! I hope you will always have great pride in
being born in such a beautiful country.
And that you will have pride in the brave mama who loved you enough to give
you the best care possible for a few short days, then surrendered you to
another life. I am eternally grateful
for her, because through her? I have
YOU. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCuCcFSYuFcpEK7bAa6uqmrd5Kv-lYxHThBg8MoYowVUEdjnQsJ2c7PaTnP_fAF1BM8STXCf9iTuA2LH0b-yTmKPCWNNqZlmD2ZvX23Bk8LWR7hj0WMFG4QOWrE4uMcr1ZJEdw2A/s1600/IMG_4573.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCuCcFSYuFcpEK7bAa6uqmrd5Kv-lYxHThBg8MoYowVUEdjnQsJ2c7PaTnP_fAF1BM8STXCf9iTuA2LH0b-yTmKPCWNNqZlmD2ZvX23Bk8LWR7hj0WMFG4QOWrE4uMcr1ZJEdw2A/s320/IMG_4573.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I wonder if your birthday and other special days like Mother’s
Day or Thai holidays that we celebrate as a family will some years cause your
heart to feel unsettled. I wonder if you
will struggle with forming your identity around a Thai heritage and an American
family. My instinct is to protect my
kids from pain and loss…but you, my son, have already experienced such deep
loss in your short life: loss of your birth family and your native country;
loss of a foster family who loved you dearly.
I know that we cannot make that loss disappear just by loving you. However, we promise to continue to love you
fiercely in every new stage of processing these losses and how you feel about
them. We won’t be able to heal the wounds or answer
all the questions, but we will be right by your side every step of the way.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCB41YoXlVAa0UuvX_y5Ph6g43Thkwt0L0_YUNfY39mNqMz6c9l_2RNCZsiU9WC9gtbyAuXW5HX7Zeo9LPkH0Ig0bOyeOSsCNur9jNLUqjX2pwdHfRuk3IC_nd26pBkQePu6h_OA/s1600/easter+crop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCB41YoXlVAa0UuvX_y5Ph6g43Thkwt0L0_YUNfY39mNqMz6c9l_2RNCZsiU9WC9gtbyAuXW5HX7Zeo9LPkH0Ig0bOyeOSsCNur9jNLUqjX2pwdHfRuk3IC_nd26pBkQePu6h_OA/s320/easter+crop.jpg" width="319" /></a></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We love celebrating your Gotcha Day in June, but today is a
far bigger celebration! We are
celebrating not just your entrance into our family, but your LIFE! Celebrating YOU! We love you,
sweet boy, just the way you are: your crazy cute smile, your happy
wrecking-ball of a personality, your laugh, your songs, your DANCING (which is
outstandingly awesome), your sense of humor—everything that makes you uniquely
Asher. We know God has great plans for
your life, and we are just grateful to be a part of it. Thank you for being such a brave boy. I am so very glad that you are mine.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjizcJhEselIbbp8Tp6p0Wi-TURMS5VuH49Y9OawY9d4RwTXz8KKc7Q8L_WsxcFGnfm4H3_7xnh3PXWllyWeQBlSly0yxippRaCJyUhmJHMcGpfA_ZI93WbXbFNpuhuEp2tPNbA0Q/s1600/IMG_5072.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjizcJhEselIbbp8Tp6p0Wi-TURMS5VuH49Y9OawY9d4RwTXz8KKc7Q8L_WsxcFGnfm4H3_7xnh3PXWllyWeQBlSly0yxippRaCJyUhmJHMcGpfA_ZI93WbXbFNpuhuEp2tPNbA0Q/s320/IMG_5072.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Happy birthday, my son!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhusk-nTWrrL049l8LQv04vl2yj5RdRp0_jt6IDmCBCdF6vbLfnwEiYQAIqC_jxRHedTA8mOWshArGHQU3r-20jqSr80vItKI1PIzmK7AgrdD6lNvy-6lEjZJabtsOJgFP-MZSBvQ/s1600/b-w+kiss+smaller.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhusk-nTWrrL049l8LQv04vl2yj5RdRp0_jt6IDmCBCdF6vbLfnwEiYQAIqC_jxRHedTA8mOWshArGHQU3r-20jqSr80vItKI1PIzmK7AgrdD6lNvy-6lEjZJabtsOJgFP-MZSBvQ/s320/b-w+kiss+smaller.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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Love, love, love,<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mommy<o:p></o:p></div>
Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-21850621091635814852013-09-21T21:26:00.001-07:002013-09-21T21:38:17.943-07:00September 22--birthday post<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">September,
22, 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">How
is it your birthday again already?! You
just turned 7, like, a week ago! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I’ve just been reading over my birthday
letters to you over the last several years, and there are some significant
patterns. Your personality began to
take shape early in life, bursting onto the scene with attitude and energy to
fuel it, and your life’s trajectory of filling every room you are in continues
on course.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">These
are some of the ways I could describe you that are consistent with past years:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOj6nM25qLtni5e4B1Mj7NGNSF3eE320Lv-2c33KiGvN7OfdjETwWHOqQ9aqSeRfnh3Sis9NItRFGe5hvYcqrAHK4yzL4blBwXMiLEWIbOvhca_TPnvMalzrMnzXaN-se1B7_Exg/s1600/Untitled-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOj6nM25qLtni5e4B1Mj7NGNSF3eE320Lv-2c33KiGvN7OfdjETwWHOqQ9aqSeRfnh3Sis9NItRFGe5hvYcqrAHK4yzL4blBwXMiLEWIbOvhca_TPnvMalzrMnzXaN-se1B7_Exg/s320/Untitled-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Corbel; mso-fareast-font-family: Corbel;">1 <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"><b> *</b></span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>You are funny and smart</b></span></i><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>. </b> I
recently found a bunch of old quotes from you that I’ve written down. One was from December of ’09, when you were 4
years old. You were sitting next to me
drinking pretend coffee while I was drinking real coffee and you sipped, sighed
and said “Aaaah. This is a good cup of
joe.” ?!?! What 4 year old knows to say
that? It makes me laugh just thinking
about it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> Your mind seeks and collects information at
an alarming rate for a second grader.</span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">You are not very willing to read fiction for long periods of time right
now, but you are completely enthralled with non-fiction books about animals,
especially National Geographic almanacs.</span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">You also get a huge kick out of the Guinness Book of World Records.</span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">The other night you were giving me attitude
about having to read your 20 minutes out loud, and you kept trying to read
r-e-a-l-l-y s-l-o-w-l-y in dramatic protest.</span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">But after a few sentences, you would speed up and then get interested
and make a comment about the many types of bears—then you’d remember you were
pouting and slow down again.</span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">You didn’t
fool me.</span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">You may not like to be forced
to read out loud, but you are a natural learner and a great reader.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge8QcoZGZsaE-x7VNr5y_dINbGR2M9R9AjyirfrGv5IbFlgZ4-zeuWnHykKT2bO_Cu7VLbX6yjfovuGS3uNhHHWlsH3vZBLGkiyrFe6PVHOuSd848JNA7TSYr4Twu9T1j_QM3nhg/s1600/DPP_180.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge8QcoZGZsaE-x7VNr5y_dINbGR2M9R9AjyirfrGv5IbFlgZ4-zeuWnHykKT2bO_Cu7VLbX6yjfovuGS3uNhHHWlsH3vZBLGkiyrFe6PVHOuSd848JNA7TSYr4Twu9T1j_QM3nhg/s320/DPP_180.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> A friend recently pointed out how many
random (and unnecessary) details you can recall with no effort. For instance, directions to just about anywhere
we go, the dates of certain events, multiplication tables, movie and TV quotes from things we saw months ago, and
the usual Sonic happy hour order for all five members of our family. My
favorite thing about your awesome memory is hearing you sing worship songs word
for word. Right now your current
favorite (and Asher’s) is Nothing But the Blood. You guys request it every day in the car and
sing it at the top of your lungs! We
even had a talk about what it meant when it says “Nothing can for sin
atone—nothing but the blood of Jesus.” I
LOVE having deep talks with you, because you listen and consider and ponder and
ask some more.</span><br />
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><i><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Corbel; mso-fareast-font-family: Corbel;">2 <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal;"> *</span></span></i><!--[endif]--></b><i><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>You are strong
willed.</b> </span></i><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Oh, mister.
I had no idea what those words meant until I met you! You who would never stay in time out without
trying to break down the bedroom door. The
one time I thought you had decided to be submissive to my discipline, you had
actually pushed out your screen and jumped 6 feet out your bedroom window just
to walk in the back door and down the hall to where I was standing so you could
taunt me. You who made me LITERALLY DRAG
you through the linoleum floors of your school last year because you did not
want to be there that day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif;"><i> </i></span></span><span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">From the beginning, I prayed this over
you: that your iron will would bring
honor to God. That when God is done
using it to refine me as a person and a mother that he would use it and use you
to CHANGE THE WORLD, baby! And I’m
starting to see glimpses of that. When
you had a friend over a few weeks ago, he was using words we don’t allow. Nothing illicit, just not permitted. You firmly said, “We don’t say that word in
our house. Please stop it.” I can tell you right now that even as a
teenager I would have never had the guts to say that to a friend. You are confident in who you are, you know
right from wrong, and the Holy Spirit is working in your heart—I can see it!</span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><i><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Corbel; mso-fareast-font-family: Corbel;">3 <b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-style: normal;"> *</span></b></span></i><!--[endif]--><i><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>You have changed me
for the better. </b> </span></i><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">You were my game changer, kid. From the day you were born exactly 8 years ago,
you’ve done things your own way. You’ve
challenged what I expected from life and from parenting. There
is no option of taking the easy way out with you, bud. You keep me on my toes and always learning
and growing—as a person and as a mom. At
night, your favorite song for me to sing is from a musical, and the repetitive
lyrics say: “Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” And almost every stinking night I get choked
up at that part, and I change the words to “because I know you.” Because I KNOW YOU. And you in your 8 years of life have spurred
me on to be such a better version of myself than I was before you were my
son. Each day you challenge me to raise
my game—in every way. I love that about
you.<i><o:p></o:p></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Those are things that are similar to past years. But there are a few things in your life that have been unique to this last
year. Some changes in our life and your
life. Here’s some fun facts about Carson
Michael at 8 years old:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> *You decided to play flag
football this fall instead of soccer. It’s
different and fun and we LOVE to watch you play. Each game is different, the opponents change,
the weather changes, but one thing remains: you play HARD each time. You’ve scored some touchdowns and I’ve
screamed my lungs out for you! But you
know what’s interesting about you? You
love playing defense. You’d rather haul
your buns across the field and snag someone’s flag then be the one to
score. You are a great teammate. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> * We saved our pennies to let you attend several different camps this summer, and you THRIVE when you are active and stimulated. You did swim camp three times, geo cache camp, lego robotics, golf camp and VBS. It was a great summer for all of us, and it was especially fun to watch you trying new things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> *You have lots of friends who
are boys and girls. You have figured out
how to play well with both genders, and consider anyone a possible friend. When I asked you to name your closest friends
at school, you listed 2 girls and one boy.
</span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 12pt;">J</span><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> It’s not necessarily that I desire for you to
have female influences in your life, but your choice of friends is a HUGE deal
to me. I pray so often that you would
have wisdom and discernment as you choose whom to spend your time with, and I’m
grateful for the boys and girls that are in your life right now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> *There are 2 people in your life
for whom you reserve you most sensitive, tender and loving side. Those two lucky people are your mom and your
little brother! (Also your cousin, Baby Ellie, but we don't see her on a daily basis.) Something changed in our
relationship this year, and I could not be more blessed! There was a season in 2012 when we were at
odds 90% of the time. We still have plenty of very heated arguments (I’m still me and you’re still you!), but
overall our interactions are so much more peaceful and affectionate. You ask me at least once or twice a day if we
can snuggle on the couch, and you usually like to have your arm around me when
we talk. You like to play with my hair. You
still want me to walk you to class each day, and give me a big bear hug in
front of all your friends when I say goodbye.
I know this will not last forever, and I cherish every gentle word,
every quiet conversation, every loving touch. I mean CHERISH.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> You also are AMAZINGLY patient
and kind with Asher. What makes it
amazing is that he’s not known for being gentle. </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Corbel; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Corbel; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">
He’s a bit of a happy wrecking ball, and you forgive him immediately and
consistently. You stayed the night away
from the house once this summer, and it made Ash very sad. He often cries for you when he goes to sleep,
and if you are home, you go into his room and put your hand through the slats
in his crib and rub his arm and say sweet and tender words to him. It always calms him. You guys wrestle HARD and give each other bruises and wet
willies and hurt one another often, but very rarely are there unkind intentions
or exchanges between the two of you.
Your brother and you are exactly five years and one day apart in age,
and you like to say you are twins.
Seeing your unconditional love for your brother fills my heart with
overwhelming gratitude and pride. I hope
you never lose this special spot in your heart for him. Now, if you could find a spot in there for
your little sister…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Every year I remind
you about the life verse I’ve chosen to pray over you—even though I know you
don’t really understand all the words yet.
It’s Philippians 1:9-11. <i>“<span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">And this is my prayer:
that your love</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">may abound more and more in knowledge and
depth of insight,</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"></span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> </span></i></span><i><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span id="en-NIV-29372">so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure
and blameless for the day of Christ,</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"></span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span id="en-NIV-29373">filled with the fruit of righteousness</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">that comes through Jesus
Christ—to the glory and praise of God.</span>”<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I want you to hear something loud and clear: neither you nor I will ever be completely
pure and blameless. We're human, and we’re going to mess
up. A lot. Sometimes we do and we will make horrible
mistakes and decisions. THANK GOD FOR HIS GRACE! But what I love
about this verse is that we are to learn
and GROW more in knowledge and depth of insight. My prayer is that you will learn from your
mistakes and that you will be able to DISCERN what is best. That word?
That’s the reason I knew this was your verse. It’s a word that I’ve prayed over you since
you were an infant. To be able to
discern what is best is not always the choice between what is right and what is
wrong. It is often a choice between what
is good and what is best. What is
acceptable and what is Christ-like. I’m
SO PROUD OF YOU, my precious first born.
And I see the fruits of righteousness in you all the time. I see you growing in love and knowledge. I see my prayers being answered in your
life. And that? On your birthday, is MY gift.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Happy birthday, sweetness. Go change the world.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Love, love, love,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="text"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Mommy</span></span><span style="font-family: "Corbel","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-47096925674402622302013-09-19T21:52:00.002-07:002013-09-19T21:52:23.022-07:00Polish my trophy!Oh you guys. This is so embarrassing, I simply MUST share it with the world.<br />
<br />
Today I had a major mommy fail moment. It was so ridiculous it was laughable.<br />
<br />
First, I need you to understand or remember (depending on your season of life) what it is like to have a child who is BARELY potty trained. As in, the entire family of five are complete slaves to this child's bladder. When he has to go--we GO. Doesn't matter when or where. We drop everything and find a bathroom or else we have a puddle and, I'm telling you straight up, the Spiderman flip-flops will never, EVER smell the same again.<br />
<br />
On Thursdays we take the big kids to school at 9:00ish, walk in, drop off, come back out, go straight to Bible study for 2 hours. I didn't take Asher to the bathroom before study, and I don't think he went while in the childcare room. Then, right when study is over, I rush upstairs and grab him, put him in the car and we race back to our side of town to wait for the kindergarten bus and get Sydney.<br />
<br />
We were standing at the bus stop at 11:51, and Asher said he had to pee. And I believed him, because he hadn't peed since about 8:30, which is a really long time in Barelypottytrained World. But the bus comes around 11:54. And it's a good 7 minute walk from our house. And they don't let kinders off the bus if the parents aren't standing there.<br />
<br />
Where we stand and wait is on a busy road, on a sidewalk next to a long fence. No bushes, trees, nothing. Not ideal, but I did what any desperate mother of boys would do. I told him he could pee by the fence.<br />
<br />
And OF STINKING COURSE as soon as he gets his pants down and starts leaning against the fence (at, like, a 50 degree angle. It's all very awkward at this stage), the bus comes around the corner. For some reason, I decided to COMPLETELY PRETEND like there was no half-naked toddler next to me in plain view. I just waved to the bus and smiled at Sydney as she made her way to the door. But the minute she got to the bus steps, her mouth dropped in confused horror. "WHY is Asher showing everyone his privates?!?!"<br />
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Reminder: in Barelypottytrained World, the children can't really get their own unders and pants up and down without assistance. As I turned to see what Syd was looking at (like I didn't know?!?) I realized that all the kids on the bus were also lined up at the windows pointing and laughing. And behind me? There's Asher, underpants around those Spiderman flip-flops, facing us all and waving at Sydney in a state of undress for all the world to see...including all the cars now lining up behind the bus. He even tried to shuffle over to her for a hug.<br />
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I quickly ran over and pulled the pants up and led the kids away, ignoring the chuckling drivers in the cars. The crazy thing is, the episode barely phased the kids, while I was left to wondering when my Mother of the Year trophy will be delivered.<br />
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<br />Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-38875447290115849462013-09-18T16:22:00.000-07:002013-09-18T16:22:01.619-07:00July photo dump part 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I can't fit all of July in one post. It was a month packed with adventures and fun pics. </div>
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These red headphones were gift for Trent for Christmas. However, "someone" whose name I will not write, but the nickname is "Smasher," snapped them after about 3 days, so they don't stay on anyone's head. However, the sound works great, as long as you can figure out a way to keep them on. Solution? Knit hat in the middle of summer.</div>
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This is a great moment of imaginative play between the sibs with the Doc McStuffins medical kit.</div>
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Most of my July pics are all from one weekend, but it's THE weekend! Every fourth of July we have a big camping trip with my whole side of the family and then some. FROG LAKE is our destination and our tradition. We bring a sickening amount of gear and toys, and get completely filthy and eat junk food and smell like campfire, and it's a blast. Each year as the kids get older, it gets more and more fun, and less and less exhausting. Of course, the success of the weekend truly hinges on the weather, and we scored AMAZING sunshine this year!</div>
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My mom made t-shirts for all the kids this year, and it was a HUGE hit! Some of them were worn for 3 days straight. Plus, we could spot them easily through the trees.</div>
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To get to Frog Lake (and yes! there are a ton of frogs and tadpoles) we walk through this sometimes marshy field and put the rafts in the water.</div>
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Sometimes it's hard to wait your turn to go in the boat.</div>
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And sometimes Trent likes to wear "youth" life jackets to set a good example. Safety first!</div>
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The lake is murky, but very shallow. Even Carson could touch WAY out in the middle!</div>
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Self-explanatory, mandatory camping activity.</div>
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My dad bought a junior sized bow and arrow and let some of the kids try it out. They loved it!</div>
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In case you aren't completely fawning over this picture, please be sure to notice Sydney's t-shirt. Not planned, I swear!</div>
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Good times, Frog Lake. Good times.</div>
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Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-89631725877197459342013-09-17T11:12:00.003-07:002013-09-17T11:12:42.521-07:00June photo dump<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Yes, I know. It's September. But it's taken my big kids going to school for me to have enough brain space and actual minutes in the day to do some family record keeping. Here's the photo dump for the month of June.</div>
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A sure sign of summer. First piece of watermelon outside in the yard.</div>
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On June 5th we celebrated Asher's gotcha day with some Thai food and cupcakes. I think the big siblings enjoyed it more than Asher. I've never been a huge fan of the term Gotcha Day, but the kids love it and feel like it's a big fun day, so we just let it ride. All of our adoption anniversaries are in June: referral day (love day), meeting you for the first time day, gotcha day, homecoming day and finalization day! So I think June will just be our month to celebrate Asher joining our family.</div>
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Also the first backyard camping night of the summer.</div>
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On the first official day of summer vacation we went to the Children's museum and had a blast. </div>
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Aw, sibling love.</div>
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I have no idea what day this was, but it was a fashion statement day for sure.</div>
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Sydney turned five on June 26, and we had a really fun mani/pedi party for her cousins and a some friends. Some of the aunties and friends helped out and I think the girls had a blast.</div>
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This picture makes me miss Sydney's long hair! I've kind of regretted cutting it, but I don't miss the LONG hours of combing out wretched tangles. </div>
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Near the end of the month we made an impromptu trip to the coast, which turned out to be our first of four weekends at Trent's parents' place. </div>
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We decided sand-sledding was all the rage.</div>
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I got tired of climbing up the sand dunes too, but for some reason, Trent wouldn't carry me up the hill like he did for Asher.</div>
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Next up...July.</div>
Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-51414986546022844602013-09-11T10:05:00.000-07:002013-09-11T15:56:34.010-07:00What does that look like?As a reader of Bible studies and listener of sermons, I'm familiar with a technique we often employ when looking at Scripture. We read a verse, verses, a chapter, and then either we try or our teacher encourages us to apply it to our lives. Sometimes that's easier said than done.<br />
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Recently I've come across some wording that connects with me. It's better than the obvious: "how would you apply this to your life?" The wording says: "What would this look like in your life?" I don't know why, but I just like it better. It concedes that I might need to apply it in different ways than you. It makes it more personal and doesn't let me answer in generalities. It makes me be specific in my answer and visualize my obedience.<br />
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So, here's the today's abstract truth, students: God is faithful.<br />
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On the anniversary of 9/11, my stomach turns at the memory. Not only that, but I look around me and see so many of my loved ones weathering storms. I mean, STORMS. We're talking, "How will I EVER get through this?" kind of storms. And I know in my head that God is faithful. I know in my LIFE that God is faithful. And I read in the Word that God is faithful. But I look around me and, you guys? The storms continue to rage around my loved ones. 9/11 still happened.<br />
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This is not a post on why a good God lets bad things happen. Entire books have been written about it, and the most steadfast of believers still often struggles with that question. We are allowed to ask and to discuss, but that's not what I want to ask.<br />
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I believe that God is faithful. Deut 7:9 <i>"Know, therefore, that the Lord your God is God. He is a faithful God, keeping his promise of love to a thousand generations." </i> 1 Corinthians 1:9<span style="font-family: inherit;"> <i>"</i><span style="background-color: white;"><i>God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord." </i>These are just a few of the many Scriptures telling me as much.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">Here's what I want to ask: What does that look like in your life? My life? What does that look like in the eye of the storm?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><i>What does "faithful" really mean?</i></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">What about the song? You know, THE song about faithfulness. I could have sworn it says everything will be OK. But then I studied the words:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i> Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i>There is no shadow of turning with Thee</i></span></span><br />
<i>Thou changes not, They compassions they fail not</i><br />
<i>As thou hast been, Thou forever will be</i><br />
<i>Great is Thy faithfulness; great is thy faithfulness,</i><br />
<i>Morning by morning new mercies I see</i><br />
<i>All I have needed Thy hand has provided</i><br />
<i>Great is They faithfulness, Lord unto me.</i><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">That old song gave me huge insight into the concept of faithfulness. Not changing. Loyal. No shadow of turning. New mercies every day. Providing all I need. I see no lyrics about shielding us from pain or sadness.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">By definition, faithfulness means: true to one's word and promises; constant; reliable and trusted. Well, shoot. I can think of one promise off the top of my head. In John 16:33 Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble." Yes, no kidding. But he continues to say "But take heart, I have overcome the world." Not "Someday, after terrorists and fatal illnesses ravage your world, I will fix it." No. </span><b style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I HAVE overcome the world.</i></b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> OK, definitely liking that part of the faithfulness a little better.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">To describe faithfulness in more casual terms, I think of how we use the word "faithful" to describe volunteers in any organization. We say "they are such faithful volunteers." It means that, even when it's inconvenient, they still come. It means THEY CONTINUE TO SHOW UP--no matter what.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">I propose that is what God's faithfulness looks like. In my life and yours. <b><i>He continues to show up</i></b>. No matter what. Yes, He allows the storms. Sometimes he shows his faithfulness by calming the storm, by healing the cancer, by mending the relationship, by providing a new job, by bringing the child finally home. And sometimes he shows his faithfulness by showing up in other ways. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">In my life, God's faithfulness has manifested most often through His people. When I have been drowning, God's people in my life lifted me up. They are my lifejackets. They surround me and comfort me. They love on me and are His hands and feet and words to a weary soul. THAT IS WHAT GOD'S FAITHFULNESS LOOKS LIKE.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">I have a friend who is at the center of more than one kind of storm, and some days--many days--she is barely keeping her head above water. One of her storms is financial. And then not once, but TWICE in the last few months, God provided unexpected income almost to the exact dollar her family needed to make ends meet. THAT IS WHAT GOD'S FAITHFULNESS LOOKS LIKE.</span></span><br />
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I've had loved ones who struggle with depression and/or anxiety, or other mental health issues. And sometimes God takes away the struggle, other times a friend recommends the perfect counselor. Or a doctor finds just the right combination of medications that relieve the burden. Or, despite the struggle, that person's marriage is thriving and full of love. THAT IS WHAT GOD'S FAITHFULNESS LOOKS LIKE.<br />
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I have a friend who was smacked in the face with an unfaithful spouse and bitter, toxic divorce. God did not heal her marriage. But he gave her the strength to face life as a single mom, day after day. He provided a great job and consistent childcare, friends who love her and wanted to help her through. And eventually, brought a godly man who loves her deeply and wants to parent with her. THAT IS WHAT GOD'S FAITHFULNESS LOOKS LIKE.<br />
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I now have dozens of friends in the adoption world. Half are in the seemingly endless, torturous wait for red tape to clear so they can bring their child home. The other half are in the trenches of parenting a hurting child, which is a storm so unique and private that often others don't even know you're in it. And yet--we have each other. And so often financial assistance comes to meet the next payment when we least expect it. Or a parent who is ahead of us in the journey knows just what to say to get us through another day. Or our child has a minor breakthrough in their attachment. THAT IS WHAT GOD'S FAITHFULNESS LOOKS LIKE.<br />
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And sometimes? Sometimes there is no reprieve. No one comforts you. No check comes in the mail. The loved one dies. The child's file gets lost and they linger in an orphanage. The illness progresses. And God's faithfulness can only be found in the smallest of places. It's a teeny, tiny seed of hope, deep in your own heart, not planted there by a loving spouse, wise minister or special friend, but planted there by what remains of your own weak faith. Sometimes our own<b> belief </b>that <b><i>God is faithful and He is with me</i></b>--THAT IS WHAT GOD'S FAITHFULNESS LOOKS LIKE.<br />
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I admit: it's not what my humanness desires from faithfulness. I would so rather believe that a faithful God would always protect me from harm, would smooth my path from pain and shelter me from any storm. But since it's pretty clear He's keeping His promise about having trouble in this world, I'm clinging to the other promises as well. Such as <i>"I will never leave you or forsake you."</i> Hebrews 13:5; <i>"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."</i> Psalm 34:18;<i> "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me." </i>Psalm 23:4<span style="font-family: inherit;">; <i>"</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><i>Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."</i> John 14:27</span></span><br />
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And I will continue to look through the storms and ask: what does God's faithfulness look like? May I never cease to seek the answers and be amazed and blessed by what I find.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span>Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-37783453222842038942013-08-25T21:55:00.000-07:002013-08-25T21:55:12.980-07:00Brotherly LoveI have so many stories in my head that I want to post. There are so many updates on Asher that I want to share. My goal is to blog at least once a week this fall. Again, not just for my 4 readers, but for my own memory-keeping. But there is one story that cannot wait.<br />
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For a vast majority of our current life as a family, Asher's attachment-related issues are very minor. Most of his issues are "2 year old boy" related, ifyaknowwhatimean. Peeing in inappropriate places, grabbing toys from his sister, spitting bath water all over the floor when mom goes to answer the phone...typical stuff. However, every once in a while, we notice a regression of sorts concerning his anxiety of his loved ones being out of his sight. Sometimes transitions are rough. Saying goodbye to mommy still usually involved tears. But, you know, Mommy is awesome, so I think someone should still cry over my absence.<br />
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Last month Trent and Carson went to a father/son overnight birthday party campout. I told Asher they were gone for the night, but he must not have completely understood, because when he woke up in the morning and they weren't there, he was very upset. He cried a lot, was extra naughty, and when he was reprimanded he cried harder. He was clearly...unsettled. I thought all was well when Carson and Daddy came back, but for the last few weeks, Asher has been VERY attached to Carson. He is concerned at all times where Carson is, and if he is gone: how soon will he come back.<br />
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When he is going to sleep lately, Asher will often being sobbing, calling out for his brother, sometimes saying "Carcar no bye-bye!" (He calls his bro Carcar.) Fortunately, it's been summer, and big brother IS home. When that happens, I call Carson in to the dark bedroom, and he sticks his almost-8-year-old hand through the slats in the crib and rubs his almost-3 year-old little brother's arm and speaks really soft, sweet words to him. These words and this tone are not often heard from my loud, smart-alecky big boy. I tell you what, it is enough to break this mama's heart in two. There is an incredible bond between these two boys. They look absolutely nothing alike, separated by five years and one day. But they are true blue brothers.<br />
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<br />Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24266137.post-27239410819806603232013-08-20T16:19:00.001-07:002013-08-20T16:34:54.012-07:00Mental Picture<div style="text-align: center;">
At some point before my wedding, someone advised me to stop a few times and just...REMEMBER. In essence, the suggestion was to take a mental picture of it all, to have a few moments that stand out from the rest that will surely be a blur. (The phrase "mental picture" also reminds me of a hilarious FRIENDS episode with Alec Baldwin, and you can see a clip of that <a href="http://youtu.be/0xFrBfeKJoo">HERE.</a> ) It sounds cheesy as heck, but I tell you what: it worked! More than 12 years later, I still have three that stand out. One was when my sweet mother blew off her plans to shuttle my bridesmaids and I to all get pedicures together the day before the wedding; one was when my dad and I stood in the lobby, looking at our bridal party getting ready to walk into the sanctuary; the third was when Trent and I were in the hallway outside our wedding reception, just looking at this handsome kid, knowing he was mine and we were about to walk in, be announced as husband and wife and dance the night away.<br />
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In fact, about three years ago, <a href="http://www.brazenlilly.blogspot.com/2010/09/we-had-moment.html">I blogged about a mental picture moment I had with my older two kiddos. </a> If you read it, I predict you will blow air our of your nose.<br />
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This last weekend, we had a moment. I took a mental picture. I'm pretty confident it's a "you had to be there" kind of story, and you will not appreciate it like I do, but I've learned that my blog is my best record-keeper, so I must put it in writing.<br />
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We were on our way back from a fun weekend visiting friends and going to the wildlife safari, and we stopped to eat at <a href="http://www.bjsbrewhouse.com/">BJ's Pizza</a>, which is my all-time favorite, so I was already in my happy place. The kids had napped for at least an hour in the car, so they were in fairly good moods while we waited for our food. Carson and I were thumb wrestling, and Asher wanted to try it. At first he was just holding my hand and smiling, because he didn't understand. So, I re-positioned our hands to the proper game stance, and told him he should smoosh my thumb down. This kid is a BRUISER in all areas of life, and we are constantly telling him to be gentle, calm down, be gentle, gentle touch, be gentle with your whole body, slow down, BE GENTLE, etc. This is the only time I can remember us giving him permission to "smoosh" anything, and sure enough, he immediately had my hand in a death grip. Not only that, but he instantly slapped his other hand onto my thumb and hopped up onto his feet in the booth to give himself leverage to SMOOSH my thumb down with as much force as his body could offer. All the while, his whole face was in an intense grimace and his body was shaking with the pressure being exerted onto my thumb. Which, by the way, wasn't going anywhere.<br />
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The immediacy and intensity of his game play surprised and tickled us all, but mostly Carson, who was between Asher and me. He fell into a fit of hysteria, literally rolling around in the circular booth. He could NOT catch his breath! Nothing makes Trent laugh harder than seeing Carson laugh hard, so soon Trent was having a hard time breathing because HE was laughing so hard. His tell is that he hunches forward, his face turns red and he doesn't make a sound, until a high-pitched girly laugh sneaks out. Of course being surrounded by this, Sydney and I were swept away ourselves, and soon our entire table was shaking, mostly from the laughter, but also from Asher who was STILL SMOOSHING MY THUMB!<br />
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People around us started looking over, wondering what the heck was going on, which almost made it funnier. We're causing a scene! But we can't stop! Of course it was the best kind of scene and no one seemed irritated. It took us quite a while to calm Carson down and to get Asher off of my thumb. But as I was trying not to pee my pants from this laugh-fest, you know what I did? I took a mental picture. I want to remember that thumb wrestling match in that booth at BJ's pizza for the rest of my life.<br />
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Brazenlillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02959608921200375682noreply@blogger.com6