Sunday, August 16, 2009

A Short Story

Part one:
The whole thing took less than 30 seconds. I was driving in my mini-van awesomeness on Friday when the sun started to get a bit bright. I reached into the diaper bag for my sunglasses and put them on. All the time, I was ever the conscientious driver and mostly kept my eyes on the road. I'm honestly not sure if I FELT the substance or SAW the substance first. Ew. There was some sort of blob beginning to drip from my eyebrow and my vision was about to be compromised. Of course I temporarily forgot my attempts at safe driving and crossed my eyes up to the brow in question. I flung my glasses off in disgust, reached up to touch my eyebrow and felt something wet and sticky. It reminded me of the wax my favorite Vietnamese gal uses to make these same brows beautiful and non-Sasquatch-like. EXCEPT it had an odor. No...it was a combination of odors. You know when you see an actor in a movie and you KNOW you've seen them before, and you just cannot for the life of you figure out where? That's precisely how I felt when I first got a whiff of the odor of this nasty substance--but only for about 3 seconds. "What is tha...?" Oh no. I grabbed my glasses back from where they had been flung, abandoning all hope of being a good driver, and inspected them. Sure enough: the inside top of the left lense was coated in this substance. My confusion vanished immediately as I smiled with a combination of disgust and satisfaction at solving the 30-second mystery.

Part 2:
On Wednesday (2 days earlier), after Sydney's morning nap, we headed to good ol' Mickey D's drive-through. Of course we got the requisite Happy Meal, this time with chicken nuggets. We took our food to our lovely indoor play park and sat down at the picnic bench to eat. No surprise, Carson was so anxious to play that he ate only 2 nuggest and 2 apple slices and took off to the bounce house. I decided to organize the finger-food mess, and I put the nuggets, the apple slices and the caramel dipping sauce and the BBQ dipping sauce in the little cardboard nugget box, positive that I would remember it was full of offensive material and would handle it delicately. (Ladies and gentlemen, we English teachers might call that last sentence FORESHADOWING.) Again, no surprise, Carson tired out and melted down before he wanted to eat, so in our rush to leave, I threw the flimsy cardboard box in the diaper bag, which was then thrown into the van. Later that day, I discovered with relief that the mess that had dripped from the box had primarily been isolated to one rogue onesie and a sunhat. Or so I thought.

Part 3:
(This conclusion is only necessary for those poor readers who need everything spelled out for them.) Yes, my sunglasses were also in the diaper bag and were not, as initially assumed, spared from the caramel/bbq sauce debacle. Also? Caramel/bbq odor does NOT disappear easily when accidentally used as a tiny facial. Despite what you may have heard to the contrary.

The End.

9 comments:

Steph said...

Gross! However, gross makes for a great story. :) And can we come play at the indoor park with you sometime?

Heidi said...

Ewwwww! How awesome. I love your blog - it never disappoints!

Becky said...

I was really thinking it was poop, so it wasn't as bad as I thought. Still gross though! I love how you write. It must be that teacher thing you got going on!

Michelle & Luke said...

What inquiring minds want to know: did you taste it? be honest.

Becky said...

You had me on pin and needles...I was quite relieved to hear it was BBQ sauce and carmel dip, but still no fun on your face! Gross! And thank you for including the word "FORESHADOWING" in your post-it brought me back to trying to teach the concept to my third graders...some of them caught on. :)

Lisa P said...

Hilarious all the way around!

Shannan said...

At first read in Part One I could have sworn you were going to say that your sunglasses were covered in poop from a diaper in the diaper bag but not wanting to ruin the surprise I did not read ahead to part 3.

Although I'm sure it was gross to have your sunglasses covered in caramel and BBQ sauce, it sure wasn't as bad as I thought.

roylaverne said...

I see that two others mentioned this above, but it was a relief not to end in some sort of scatological discovery.

Jewels said...

Great story - you never fail to entertain me with your blogs. I love that it ran down your face. Oh the joys of motherhood.