Monday, March 14, 2011

Resistance is Futile

Remember how often I've said I'm "not getting my hopes up" for a referral in March? Mmm-hmm. That ship has sailed. The USS Not Getting Hopes Up has left the dock and is out to sea in the middle of the Thinking of Little Else Ocean. I think it officially sailed when we moved from #6 to #5.

I'm tellin' ya people--it's pretty bad. It's one of the first thoughts in my head when I wake up--"Wonder if it will be this month." My heart skips a beat whenever my phone rings between 8am and 5pm. And since we've been told by the agency that the referrals usually happen "near the end of the month" I have, of course, come up with my own interpretation of that calendar reference and figure that it means anytime after the 15th.

But it's not just the anticipation of The Call. I'm also letting my mind wander ahead to actually meeting our baby in Bangkok, bringing him/her home, dressing them for Easter next year. And THEN? I had the wonderful/horrid realization that if everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING went perfectly and slightly ahead of schedule--we get a referral this month, and the 9-11 month waiting period is more like 9 months exactly--our babe could be home on Christmas morning. Is that the most torturous thought to taunt myself with?!? That is SUCH a long shot. Last June, there were only 2 children matched to adoptive families. The AVERAGE if four a quarter--that is far from guaranteed.

And I think you all know me well enough to know that we will announce our news as soon as possible. BUT, be forewarned that I may be quite coy these next couple of weeks. We'll announce as soon as we are ready. So, while you are welcome to say "Any news yet?" if you have not SEEN news on this blog, then I will say "Nope! Nothing yet!" even if we DID get the call, because that means we are still mulling it over, talking to our pediatrician, telling our immediate family, etc.

Of course, I am extremely aware in my mind (still working on my heart) that we very well could hear nothing until we get an email from Holt the first week of April telling us all the referrals have been made. That will most likely mean we'll be near the top of the list for June. Even though I didn't know it, I've waited my whole life for this little Thai child, so another 3 months won't kill me. I'll be disappointed, but not devastated. We can do this! I can only imagine how torturous the waiting will become once I have a picture to gaze at...

"Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength." Isaiah 40:31

9 comments:

AAK said...

Oh Jen...I totally feel you. Waiting for something as exciting as a child has got to be hard. I would feel the same way! Maybe even a little more neurotic LOL Just think, one day you will be sitting on your couch cuddling this kidlet and it will be hard to remember a time when he/she wasn't there. I am so excited for you to become a mom all over again through adoption. I believe it pleases God so much when we enlarge our family in this way. As often as I think of you or read your posts, I pray for that kiddo and I rejoice that he/she has the coolest mommy ever :-)

Coley said...

Eekkk! I know how you feel!! I'm hoping this is your month!!

Aimee L Salter said...

These two things I know for sure:

He delights in delighting His children. If YOUR baby is ready, it will be yours this month. (I'm praying thus).

And if not? If we could see all He can see, we'd have made the same choice.

Rest in His faithful arms friend, I know He'll fill yours very, very soon!

Lots and lots of prayers from me to you

Angie said...

I so so so know how you feel. It's like you're just waiting for the month to pass so that you know one way or another, and you can stop jumping out of your skin every stinkin' time the phone rings!
I'm praying that March is a happy month for many waiting families, including yours!

Nina said...

I love you and pray for you dear Jen! So glad God understands all the human feelings we have and loves us and helps us with what we daily need. Isaiah 40:31 is one of my very favorite verses.

Catiejoyce said...

I think I could just copy this post as my own!!! Right there with ya!!!! Praying for us as we wait for little ones. ;-)

Jenn said...

Oh Jen, I'm praying you receive happy news in March, and I'll admit, a tiny bit of that prayer is selfish, because that means we may be just a tad bit closer ;-). However, I'm sure that as hard as it is to think about waiting 'til June, you also want God's perfect timing, so that's my real prayer, that His perfect plan prevails, and it will, so rest in that :-).

P.S. I'll be a lost cause when it's almost our turn, because I think of your's A LOT, I can just imagine when it might be us getting the call! LOL!

woosterweester said...

I am so glad you feel free to blog openly with us but perfectly respect your decision to keep the referral announcement private until the right time. I love that! And the verse? God makes me smile because if I would've written that verse it would've gone something like, "Those who work out really hard and lift heavier weights will get really strong and then can bust through any obstacle and make referrals come whenever they want." And yet, in situations like these that's not the kind of strength we need. Hmph.:) We're waiting with you and yet at the same time CAN'T WAIT ANOTHER SECOND!!:))

Stephen said...

My family is almost done with our homestudy and dossier. We have 2 little boys, 5 and 3 yrs old, and we are hoping to add a little girl to our family. I can't wait to get our dossier in and get our spot on the waiting list! I love reading your blog. It helps to see a family who has went through all of this before and is so close to seeing their new child. I hope this is your month!! I am so excited for you and your beautiful family!