Remember how often I've said I'm "not getting my hopes up" for a referral in March? Mmm-hmm. That ship has sailed. The USS Not Getting Hopes Up has left the dock and is out to sea in the middle of the Thinking of Little Else Ocean. I think it officially sailed when we moved from #6 to #5.
I'm tellin' ya people--it's pretty bad. It's one of the first thoughts in my head when I wake up--"Wonder if it will be this month." My heart skips a beat whenever my phone rings between 8am and 5pm. And since we've been told by the agency that the referrals usually happen "near the end of the month" I have, of course, come up with my own interpretation of that calendar reference and figure that it means anytime after the 15th.
But it's not just the anticipation of The Call. I'm also letting my mind wander ahead to actually meeting our baby in Bangkok, bringing him/her home, dressing them for Easter next year. And THEN? I had the wonderful/horrid realization that if everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING went perfectly and slightly ahead of schedule--we get a referral this month, and the 9-11 month waiting period is more like 9 months exactly--our babe could be home on Christmas morning. Is that the most torturous thought to taunt myself with?!? That is SUCH a long shot. Last June, there were only 2 children matched to adoptive families. The AVERAGE if four a quarter--that is far from guaranteed.
And I think you all know me well enough to know that we will announce our news as soon as possible. BUT, be forewarned that I may be quite coy these next couple of weeks. We'll announce as soon as we are ready. So, while you are welcome to say "Any news yet?" if you have not SEEN news on this blog, then I will say "Nope! Nothing yet!" even if we DID get the call, because that means we are still mulling it over, talking to our pediatrician, telling our immediate family, etc.
Of course, I am extremely aware in my mind (still working on my heart) that we very well could hear nothing until we get an email from Holt the first week of April telling us all the referrals have been made. That will most likely mean we'll be near the top of the list for June. Even though I didn't know it, I've waited my whole life for this little Thai child, so another 3 months won't kill me. I'll be disappointed, but not devastated. We can do this! I can only imagine how torturous the waiting will become once I have a picture to gaze at...
"Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength." Isaiah 40:31