Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Baby on the brain.

I think I've subconsciously been avoiding blogging about the adoption, because there is nothing to report. No fundraisers, no paperwork completion, nothing but WAITING. Waiting for the last week in June. Our lives seem to run at breakneck speed (except in the afternoons on weekdays, when I feel like time stands still to drive me bonkers), and I always think it will distract me from my anxious waiting, yet I still am marking the weeks until June. My waiting mama friend Jenn blogged today, and it inspired me to do the same. She wrote about how we imagine our baby, what they are doing, how old they are, what milestones they are learning, who is loving on them and are they loving on them enough?! I'm glad we've kept the crib up in Sydney's room, b/c it's a constant reminder that it WILL be used again. We've also entered into the time when I'm pretty sure Peanut will be home by this time next year, so I'm saying things like: "Next Easter we'll be a family of five and I'll buy everyone matching outfits!" or "This is my last Mother's Day with only 2 kids in our house!"


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There are little things I do to make the wait less painful. I read other blogs of people who have traveled to get their kiddos. I learn silly elephant songs. I use my precious spending money to buy books for us to practice Thai and a baby book specifically for adopted children. I find other exciting book ideas (Good Night Moon is our FAVORITE!), but need to wait a while before spending more money! I get such horrible food poisoning that I don't have any coherent thoughts for 2 days. And I try to read adoption books too.


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The most recent book I read was Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best. It was a good one and covered a wide-range of topics relating to adopting a child between 12-36 months. The author pointed out something that should be obvious, but is not always: a child adopted as a toddler has different needs than a child adopted as an infant or an older child. They are old enough to understand that something seems VERY wrong, but not old enough to comprehend any explanation given them, or to verbalize their fears and anxieties. Hopkins-Best interviewed over 200 families who had adopted toddlers and examined their "satisfaction" with the adoption process. "There was a strong relationship between how satisfied parents were with their adoption and how realistic their expectations were regarding the child's needs and behaviors." The rest of the book goes on to work through those realistic expectations and it was at times sobering, encouraging and informative. I think as naive pre-adoptive parents, we're convinced that since we will love all of our children equally, that we'll be able to parent them equally. When in fact, we don't parent our bio children in the same way, so we'll definitely need to be flexible and prepared to parent our child with unique needs and hurts.


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But I definitely cannot escape the emotional drain of a "2 year pregnancy." I'm sorting through baby clothes, weeping over my oldest's lost infancy, and realizing that I'm currently missing my youngest's infancy. It stings, and I think that sting will only get stronger when I KNOW his/her face and can't hop on a plane and hold them immediately. I stumbled on a verse a couple weeks ago that I'm clinging too. It is Psalm 27:14, and we now have it written in our dining room.


"Wait on the Lord. Be strong and take heart. And wait on the Lord."


So right now? That's my plan.

8 comments:

Aimee L. Salter said...

This verse is taken out of context, but God's always reminded me of it when I'm waiting for something that seems like He's called me to, yet just isn't arriving fast enough. The last line is my favorite trust:

Habakkuk 2:3
This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.

God bless you and your growing family. It's so encouraging to see your openness about these battles!

Hugs

Coley said...

I loved the Weaver's Craft book. The Connected Child is another good one. I know how you feel about the blogging thing. I've also been avoiding blogging - I feel like such a downer talking about how much the wait sucks.

Angie said...

Hang in there! It will come (I hope in June!). Soon we will all have our kiddos home at last and we will have forgotten the wait!

Catiejoyce said...

I love this post and completely agree with all of it!! I know that God has a beautiful child for you in Thailand. The waiting can be unbearable sometimes. But, I love your verse at the end to wait on the Lord. I am praying for you!!!!

deirdre said...

Thanks, Jenn for those book recommendations. The baby book looks really nice, and you reminded me that I've been meaning to check out the Weaver's Craft book, on someone else's tip.
In this time of waiting, I've also been trying to be aware of the expectations that are inevitably forming in my head about our next child. It is so different than being pregnant in some ways, and so similar in others...
Definitely a time of surrender and letting go. (sigh)

mamakallen said...

I look forward to your happy post of a referral and hope it comes next month for your family. Waiting is hard. Soon you will be daydreaming about your specific child with his/her face and name in mind. I can relate to "this time next year" thoughts. I pray for all of us waiting that it becomes easier and we enjoy all the sweetness that finally comes when our children are home. It won't be easy (the book you mentioned really helps to illustrate that), but I know there will be so much joy, too. Come on days - fly by so some more families can get their referral!

woosterweester said...

I so get where you are coming from. The mourning, the joy, the exhaustion, anticipation, the unknown. God called you to it and He will see you through it. Loving the verse.

Jenn said...

Wow! I've been tagged in Blogger world, what an honor! ;-) We were out of town, and then life's been crazy hectic since we got back, so I just now read your post. It's a long pregnancy, that's for sure, and when I think about missing out on her first several months of life, it hurts, no way around it. All we can do is trust that God will replace those hurts with even greater joys once they're home with us. And, just a thought... maybe the referrals will come earlier this time, like beginning to middle of June, and just think, June's only like 2 weeks away!!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!! ;-) LoveYaBunches!