Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Oh yeah. I'm that awesome.

I think the Lord likes to keep me humble.  Just in case I get the kids to school on time two days in a row with combed hair, clean undies and  no peanut butter on their faces.  I mean, that, right there, makes me feel like World's Best Mom. Victory!  I'm awesome! But then I have a moment that brings me back to reality. 

I had a chance to make a quick dash to Target by myself this weekend-- a treat!  But I was short on time and rushing.  As I pulled into a parking spot, I hopped out and remembered to lock the door of our corolla--it's old school and you have to push the lock down before closing the door.  I did NOT, however, remember that in a standard transmission, the e-brake is not optional.  As I started walking away, my car started rolling backwards.  Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap! I squealed and panicked.  I didn't know if I should first a) stop the car from rolling or b) unlock the car.  But I had thrown my keys into my bottomless-pit-purse!  So I was trying to stop the car by holding onto the handle.  ????  Why, Jen? Why?  The car obviously did not respond to such a weak attempt to stop it's natural progression back into oncoming traffic, so I ran to the trunk and stopped it with my body (I knew those extra pounds would come in handy!) while I dug for the keys.  Then I RAN back to the driver's side door, quickly unlocked it (while it was rolling some more), and dove in to pull the e-brake. Whew!  I took a moment to catch my breath and smell my pits to make sure the sudden exertion of so much energy wasn't making me too stinky.  Had I put on deodorant that morning?  I took another sniff to try to remember. Then I sat down properly, started the car up again, and pulled forward 5 feet, so I could occupy the parking space. 

Ok, no harm done.  No one is walking by.  Oh, but hello!  There is a young couple sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME, sipping their lattes and watching the entire scene from the comfort of their SUV.  WHY would they just be sitting there in their car in the Target parking lot?  Just to mock me, clearly. They were obviously amused.   I, of course, pretended I didn't see them, and just to prove to them that I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED, I picked my nose and flicked a booger on their windshield.  Ha!  I'm just kidding.  I would never do that.  But I did get a wedgie out of my bum as I walked away in their line of sight.

Aaaaaaaaaand......SCENE.

13 comments:

Jeska said...

So Charlie Chaplin, if Corollas and Target had existed in the 20's. You shouldn't feel bad. We've all been there, in one way or another. You just had the guts to blog about it! Someday I will find the courage to entertain you with a few stories of my own. In the meantime, I enjoy your humor.

Steph said...

You make my day every time. Good stuff, my friend. Good stuff. :)

Danyel Anderson said...

Jen, you are hilarious. Did that to my Dad's Toyota pickup, which I had borrowed because my car was in the shop for who knows what, probably something I did to it. Anyhow, stopped at the bank, went it, came out. Truck was gone. Gone! I was headed back into the bank to report it stolen when I noticed it in the lot next door. Amazingly (God it good) it went like 30 yards without hitting another vehicle. Thanks for the laugh, and the memories.

Beth Benz said...

Nice of them to jump out and help you stop the car. What is wrong with people?!!!

B.A. said...

I'm just impressed you know how to drive a manual! I will never be a good enough driver to even attempt a manual.

Pascale said...

Bwahahahahaha! Thanks for my morning cheer-me-up! If I wrote about all the embarrassing things I've done in my lifetime, I would never have time to write about the kids and all the wonderful parenting choices I make on a daily basis (snort).
Keep up the good (comdeic) work!

Catiejoyce said...

I seriously LOVE your funny stories. God must give allow you to go through these experiences to make us all laugh!!! You are too much!

Becky said...

AWESOME! My question is: If they were sitting there the whole time, why didn't they help you???? How rude.

Becky said...

And that is why I love you! You're a joy spreader. I bet those SUV folks couldn't stop smiling and then they passed that story on to their friends and their friends friends...you're famous! :)

PS..I have always had a fear that I'd leave the parking break off and my car would roll away.

Natalie said...

Oh my goodness! Jen, I just love you! This had me laughing sooo hard!! I love it!! :)

Nina said...

Remembering thinking I had put my car in the driveway and going out later and finding it on the street. Thank goodness no other cars in the street. It was this last summer. I double ck. the brakes now a couple of times now. I say all this to say ....My heart understands how you felt. Sweet Jen!

woosterweester said...

Hahahaha! What? Oh no, I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you. Riiiiiight.:)

Kerrie (and Jason) said...

hehehehehe also laughing with you, not at you. :D