Saturday, February 18, 2012

State of the Wait

This week is an anniversary of sorts.  It was 2 years ago that we sent our application for adoption to Holt.  Our first choice of country was Thailand, second choice Ethiopia.  Whoa.  When I think about that season, those intense weeks between the Haiti earthquake and pulling the proverbial trigger with that large envelope in the mailbox, I can't help but get emotional.  It was nothing like I've ever experienced before in my adult life.  The stirring in my heart and the clear--SO CRYSTAL CLEAR--moving of the Holy Spirit in the direction of adoption still brings me to my knees.  I remember at that time I had a Saturday morning walking buddy.   She was seeking the Lord for wisdom on whether or not she and her husband should have another child.  I was seeking to confirm if this decision was truly His or if it was an emotional reaction to the earthquake. I love looking back at that time and seeing how He answered.  For Becky--her baby girl just celebrated her first birthday.  :)  For me, God has provided confirmation time and again that yes.  We truly had heard His voice, and I'm so grateful we obeyed.

THE absolute largest reservation we had about adopting was the financial aspect.  It seemed insurmountable.  Outrageous and unrealistic.  Perhaps that is why God has chosen that special chapter of our story to reveal Himself in such outrageous and unrealistic ways.  I cringe when I think of how humbling it has been to ask for money.  Not even selling something--just asking for cash!  Oh, people.  That was so very hard.  But OH!  PEOPLE!  How you responded!  We didn't even have enough for the initial application fee!  And our loved ones provided before we could even ask.  I had to put a brazen (ha) plea for money to pay for our homestudy--it felt so callous and crude to use my blog for such a thing.  But God provided ears that heard it with compassion and not judgement.  (There was probably judgement too, but those ones kept their mouths shut!)  Two ginormous garage sales (that were stocked and run by volunteers for the cause), helped us make the payment for our dossier and and part of our program fee.  An especially humbling--yet rewarding--old fashioned fundraising letter campaign through Lifesong for Orphans helped us raise several thousand dollars. I can't tell you how amazing it was to watch the funds come in.  $10, $25, $40, $100, $400--IT ADDS UP. 

Just this last week I believe we have possibly received a pivotal confirmation of God's faithfulness.  A promised grant from over a year ago went through many stages and obstacles.  It was from a very honorable, but very small organization, and there were several unforeseen challenges and miscommunications.  At times we weren't sure it was coming.  And we drained every penny to cover that program fee last summer, so we have nothing for our travel expenses.  We got the check a few weeks ago...and it bounced.  Yep.  That was kind of scary.  But it turns out it was an oversight and was quickly rectified.  I redeposited again on Friday.  If it goes through--and I have no reason to believe that it won't--then we should have enough to pay for our travel.  Other than incidentals and little things like carseats and highchairs, WE ARE FULLY FUNDED!  Can you even imagine the joy that statement brings to me?!  Tears are streaming down my face at that knowledge.

I'll never forget singing and blogging HERE about the song "Great is Thy Faithfulness."  It was a huge leap of faith for us to make this decision with no way to pay for it.  But I so strongly felt the Lord telling me, " YOU WILL NOT BE ALONE."  And that has been true is so many, many ways!  We have felt more supported and uplifted and sustained over the last two years than I ever thought possible.  This is what I wrote 2 years ago:

"All I have needed Thy hand has provided. Great is Thy faithfulness to me."  I'm singing it in advance, knowing He will provide.

Jehovah Jirah, my provider!  As we have heard it said: He funds what He favors.  He favors adoption!  He cares for the fatherless, and will put a child in my waiting arms.  Yes, the wait is hard--harder than I ever imagined it would be.  (I probably should have been more worried about THAT than the finances!)  But He is also El Roi, the God who sees.  Who sees me and my husband in our impatience, who sees my older children in their ignorant excitement, who sees my youngest child in a faraway land, at times surrounded by floodwaters and poverty, and he CARES about every piece of this puzzle.  I believe it is His desire that Asher be a part of a forever family, a redemptive response to the loss he has (and will) suffer. 


Did I ever think we'd still be waiting after 2 years?  No.  But I also could never imagine the blessings and growth I'd receive JUST in the wait alone.  I can only imagine the joy, challenge, growth and blessings that will come we we truly BEGIN the adventure with this little man!

9 comments:

Sarah Carter said...

Oh! Amen sister! Crying happy tears for you and so "with you" in the journey... God is SO GOOD!! Praying your able to hold your little Asher very very soon.

Much love,
S

Catiejoyce said...

Praise the Lord for the ways He moved in your heart and provided beyond your wildest expectations!!! What a blessing. Thanks for sharing your story with all of us. PRAYING Asher comes home soon.

B.A. said...

Love hearing how God provides! Can't wait to hear how He will provide in bringing Asher home.

Becky said...

Oh Jen, I so remember our walks and talks on Saturday mornings. I am so happy that we got to spend those mornings together as we both waited on God to show us the way. It seems like a hundred years ago. It is so special that we were both going through some huge decision making at the same time. We are bonded for life. :) I can't wait to see Asher and Bethany play together and get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. Love you!!

{Jess} said...

Crying happy, thankful tears as I read this! What an honor it has been to share some of this journey with you.

We are praying that you will be traveling to meet Asher (very) soon.

Jo B. said...

Oh Jen, What a faith builder this has been for all of us, too! When we heard of each goal that had to be reached we, too, thought, "How is this going to happen?" And now that we all wonder, "When can Asher be brought home?", we look back at all of the answered prayers and have to know that this, too, will be in God's timing. And we know that He will provide all that you need to help Asher make that difficult transition to his new family. Anticipating with joy - Mom

butters said...

It's hard not to get emotional after reading this! I love to see your heart just poured out as we too have our hearts invested in you guys and precious Asher. I am encouraged by your faith and trust and blessed to see yet again, "How great is God's faithfulness!" Love ya.(; p.s can we hang out soon, I miss you!

Jay and Chandra and Penny Regan said...

Hopefully, you'll be hearing soon about when you get to travel! I know I've been hearing that the process is now a little longer than when we adopted. We got our daughter almost exactly two years from the time we first applied. The wait is definitely long and hard. But, God is faithful! I'm trusting that if this is truly from Him then He'll see it through to the end!

woosterweester said...

I love that you are so doggone articulate. You are so right, the adventure is just beginning...can I just say I can't WAIT to see little man in your blog header picture? *cue band playing out this comment to the tune of Great is Thy Faithfulness*