It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

Friends, I've kind of been having a mid-life crisis. Thus the Boyz II Men lyrics.  Actually, I'm going to give life the benefit of the doubt and call it a pre-mid-life crisis.  (My two grandmothers are still living, turning 91 and 83 this year, so I have genetics on my side.)

This summer I'm turning 37 and am officially in my "late 30's."  (Can't say "mid" once you're to the 7.)  And although the looming 40 doesn't necessarily scare me, it does get me thinking a little more big picture and asking questions like "What do I REALLY want to be when I grow up?"

My sweet husband has listened so patiently as I've been talking aimlessly about hopes and dreams and plans and bucket lists.  And one thing that I've landed on is that I want to write.  I love writing, and I find a lot of fulfillment when people read what I've written and like it, are encouraged by it or connect to it on some level.  I especially love writing about motherhood and sharing moments when I've needed grace so badly and when He has given it so lavishly.  And of course, nothing pleases me more than conveying a hilariously awful parenting moment for your reading enjoyment.

So I've decided I'm just going write more.   I'm going to try to blog more, try a little more freelance stuff and maybe submit my work to some publications.  (Which may or not pan out.)  A book proposal is not totally out of the question.  It obviously will fluctuate with our family's schedule, and there's a chance that I'm really fired up about it right now and by October I'll be exhausted and go back to blogging irregularly.  But even if I don't make a single dollar for my writing, I know it's something I want to pursue.  Just for me.

One step in this direction is that I've decided to use my real name when blogging.

Guys, I'm going to say goodbye to Brazenlilly.  

Where's the emoticon for weeping and gnashing of teeth?  This alter ego has been so good to me, because no one else has it, so I only had to be creative once and then re-use it hundreds of times.  It's embarrassing to admit how long it took me to settle on this recent decision, because I'm so attached to that silly name.

But the point is to try to get more writing gigs and increase my blog readership.  And part of getting more writing gigs is to get my name out there.  The more you like what I've written and share it and re-post it, the better my chances of getting more writing gigs and increasing blog readership.  But that kind of defeats the purpose if my name is nowhere on my writing.  I've been worried about my family's privacy, but a reliable source recently pointed out to me that any weirdo with enough computer knowledge can trace my IP address and find out where I live, even if I never use my last name.  So, I'm going to move forward in faith and not fear.

Thank you, friends and family, for being so encouraging and sweet about reading my blog.  You'll always be my favorite audience.  And I hope you'll follow me over at:

www.jentompkins.com