Makin' the switch!

Hey friends!  So, from now until we are home from Thailand in mid June, I will not be blogging here.  I'll be blogging at www.brazenlillybaby.wordpress.com and it is password protected.  The password is my maiden name, all lower case letters.  If you don't know it, but want to follow along, you can email me at brazenlilly@hotmail.com and I'd love for you to tell me how you found my blog.  Thanks!  Jen

Oh for the love.

So, in case you haven't heard, forget everything I said about the private blog sitch.  It was much ado about nothing.  After messing around with all the settings, the permissions, and preparing to manually enter in over 200 email addresses of wonderful and supportive friends & family, I found out blogger only allows you to invite 50 people.  Wamp, wamp.

So, plan B, which was actually the original plan A, is that I will be blogging on our other blog, which is www.brazenlillybaby.wordpress.com.  Starting this week, I'm going to be posting over there, so I can get as comfortable as possible with the setup.  It is password protected, so there is still privacy for the pictures, which is what our agency cares about.  The password throughout our time in Thailand will be my maiden name, all lower case letters.  You're still welcome to email me at brazenlilly@hotmail.com if you'd like to ask for the password.  If you go over there right now you'll see pictures of Sydney as I'm experimenting with the picture posting.  :)

While I'm here, I want to give you #2 of my top 4 prayer requests, b/c this one is kind of a biggie.

Will you please pray for my Asher's heart?

It's kind of the biggest deal of this whole shindig.  See, just to recap if you're just joining us, Asher has been living with a foster family in a rural area of Thailand since he was 4 days old.  A mom, dad, 2 big sisters and a 5 month old baby. Tomorrow he will turn 20 months.  This family has loved him, fed him, comforted him, played with him, lived life with him for as long as he can remember.  It is the only life he knows.  He's only ever seen one other caucasian person, and he wasn't too excited about her.  :)  Our agency pursues adoption with birth relatives, then with Thai nationals (including, I understand, the foster family if they are interested or able) before allowing a child to be adopted into the US.  So I believe that coming into our family is now the best option for our son.  I believe he can heal and trust and bond and attach.

But, friends.  He is going to be so very sad.  And probably scared.  And hurt.  And sad some more.

I don't know exactly what I'm hoping for, because it would be weird if he just walked in and smiled and hugged us.  Weird as in something is wrong in this child's brain.  I guess I'm just praying that we will see progress in his attachment to us as quickly as possible, and that his grieving will not be prolonged, that he will begin to see us as a safe place.  We plan to comfort him as best as we can, while honoring and respecting the fact that he has every reason in the world to be freaking the heck out!  I don't know what that's going to look like.  Probably what gives both Trent and me the most anxiety is wondering how bad it will be and how--IF--we will be able to help our new son.

A friend of mine said she is praying that after looking at our pictures Asher will have dreams about us.  Another friend said she is praying that he will hear our voices (we sent a recording on a little pen) and recognize and be comforted by them.  And I guess I just ask that throughout this whole crazy month coming up that you will think of him and pray for him. Pray for peace in his heart and mind, and for us, that we will have wisdom and know how to comfort him.

G.A.S.P.

Just a reminder: the blog is going private next week!  I've loved hearing from so many of you--it took a drastic measure to get some of you to de-lurk!  Ha!  You will need an invite to view the private blog. Just leave a comment with your email address, let me know on Facebook, or email me privately at brazenlilly@hotmail.com and I will add you to the list.

A friend of mine recently told me about a concept she learned through Moms in Touch.  It's called G.A.S.P. which is a cheesy mnemonic device for the very real and non-cheesy promise that God Answers Specific Prayers.  We have been SO BLESSED by how many of our friends and family (and blog lurkers!) have come along on this journey with us, and many of you share our faith and have offered to pray for us as we finish the waiting chapter and begin the new chapter of meeting and getting know our new son.  I wanted to take a few blog posts and give you some of our specific prayer requests so you can have an idea of what is deepest on our hearts and intercede for us as we will, most likely, be pretty weary travellers.

#1
My number one prayer request is this: I PRAY THAT IN EVERY ASPECT OF THIS ADOPTION THAT GOD WILL BE GLORIFIED.  God has blessed me with a big mouth and fast typing fingers and a desire to document our story, but I will tell you this:  I am not any more special or amazing than any of you reading this.  I never want people to look at us and think what wonderful people we are because we are adopting.  My heart's desire is for people to hear my story and say WOW!  Praise God!  He CALLED this family to adopt, He made it possible for them to do it, and now there is going to be one less orphan in this world!  God has provided a father to the fatherless, and he CARES for children.

People. You gotta understand.  HE CHANGED MY HEART!  He opened my eyes in January of 2010 and said "Jennifer.  Look around this world.  There are millions of children who need a home, and you are going to open yours.  This is not someone else's problem.  It is yours.  It breaks My heart and for MY GLORY, I am going to break yours.  You don't think you can do it, but I will help you.  YOU WILL NOT BE ALONE IN THIS." 

TRUE. STORY.

(BTW, praise God He did a similar work in my husband at the same time!  But this is my blog and so I'm telling you about the conversation He had with me.)

So, if you are praying, pray that as we encounter multiple friends and acquaintances here in the US, as we meet many adoptive families around the world, as we share our news with Target employees, travel agents, hotel workers, social workers, tuk-tuk drivers and FOSTER MOTHERS, that the focus will not be on us.  It will be on HIM.  That something about our story will strike a chord and draw all eyes to the Almighty.  Because this plan was HIS, and we're just grateful we were invited to be a part.

As an addendum to this request, my prayer is that our story will peak the curiosity and conviction of other families about their ability and calling to adopt, and/or take up the cause of orphans. One of the best gifts anyone has given me (and I've been very spoiled these last couple of months!) was a heart-felt, stream of consciousness letter from a very good friend.  She told me how God has used OUR adoption to change HER.  She does not feel called to adopt, but she, too, has felt God open her eyes to the needs of orphans around the world.  She is learning, praying, giving, supporting and educating others, and this conviction kind of began from me talking her ear off about this little baby boy in Thailand. 

Thank you for reading, supporting and praying!  I have 3 more specific requests that I'll share soon.  Also?  We leave in 12 days.  !!!!!!

Upcoming changes!

Hey all!  Good news--I haven't had an emotional meltdown this week!  I did, however, make the mistake of going into babies r us for  "just one thing" for which I had a gift card.  Turns out it's not just for babies, there is plenty of fun stuff for toddlers, and it also reminds me of all sorts of things I still want.  Notice I didn't say "need."  I mean, Desitin, yogurt melts, a snuggly blanket and a new crib sheet might feel necessary, but I know in my head they are not.  Well, the Desitin is debatable.

I also make a decision that affects ALL OF YOU!  I've decided that starting next week, Brazenlilly is going private for a month or so.  I was going to try to blog on wordpress during our Thailand trip, b/c I can password protect it, but I'm just not very familiar with that format and it will be so much easier for me just to stick with this blog and put any pictures on here.  But I don't feel comfortable doing that while it is public. (Our agency has told us that it's fair game once we are home.)

You will need an email invitation from me to access the blog.  From what I understand, it's best to have me send it to whatever email account is connected to google or blogger, so that you'll be able to see the blog when you're signed in.  I'm collecting a list of emails starting today, so leave a comment if you want an invite, and if you think I may not have your address, include that.  If we're friends on FB, you can msg me there, or you can also email me at brazenlilly@hotmail.com.  But a warning...I don't check it very often.  I'll check it for sure next week before I start sending out the email invites and make the blog private.

Today at preschool pick-up, one of the other moms asked if we had any big plans this summer.  I just smiled and said "Yeah, you could say that."  Oh, and by the by, we leave for Thailand two weeks from TOMORROW!  Maybe I spoke too soon...I'm feeling that emotional meltdown coming on....

Mother

If you only read this blog and never talk to me in person, you probably think I'm an emotional wreck right now, a complete roller coaster.  Well, OK, if you've talked to me in person lately, you might think that too!  But today I'm feeling very joyful.  Partly for myself, b/c look at these two precious faces down there, and one more little brown-eyed boy whose picture I look at every day, and I am SO LUCKY to be a mom!  Tantrums, pukes, and broken screens included.  I do not take it for granted that I was blessed to have biological children, nor that I was called to adopt a third child.  It's the joy of my life!

(PS: I know he looks angry, but this time he was just thinking hard about his music.)

I also can't stop smiling today for so many other mamas right now.  My cousin Aubry endured a torturous several weeks of uncertainty as she and her husband waited to complete the adoption of their newborn twins, Casey and Carter.  And now she's completely and utterly sleep deprived and happier than she's ever been!  She's the type of person who you just KNOW is going to be an amazing mother!  I wish she lived closer so I could snuggle those babies!

*

My sis-in-law, Jess, whom many of you prayed for, waited in agony for over a year, fightng back against the diagnosis of infertility.  Then, at the beginning of her pregnancy, she was told numerous times that it was not "viable" and that she has miscarried.  Wrong--heartbeat!  THEN, after the first trimester, there was an abnormality on an ultrasound that indicated there could be some serious genetic disorder for the baby.  But now?  Clean bill of health for mommy and my BABY NIECE!  She's got a healthy little girlie-girl in that tummy and I shed tears of joy just thinking about it!

*

My friend Deirdre is in Thailand right now, and this morning she MET her daughter for the first time, in the very hotel where we will meet our son three weeks from today!  Looking at her pictures and reading her story just fills my heart with--have I already said this?-- JOY!  They had a great first day with their daughter and visited her foster family.  Kind of like birth stories and referral stories, I can't get enough of pictures and stories of when mama's and daddy's meet their BABIES!

*

So, there's the UP for this bi-polar blogger.  Stay tuned and I'm sure I'll have a crisis of emotions later this week.  I mean, go easy on me, it's kind of like I'm in the ninth month of pregnancy, right?  But actually, I'm in the 26th month of pregnancy, so I'm REALLY hormonal!  ;)

MAY

 So, guess who has two thumbs and is going to Thailand this month?  THIS GIRL!  I kind of can't believe it.  Oh boy, I have a lot to do!  A friend asked me the other day: what is my primary emotion when I think of leaving so soon.  I said my primary emotion is nervousness and anxiety over Asher, his grief and transition time.  But a very close second is excitement and happiness that we are finally nearing the end of the wait and the beginning of the parenting of this sweet little man we already call our son.  I will eat these words in about 5 weeks, but I actually love traveling.  I get excited to plan out what books to read, what music to listen to, what sleeping pills to take for the flights.  ;)  I do NOT love travelling with toddlers, so the trip home I'm not super excited about, other than it will be bringing our son home to his brother and sister.

Speaking of the big bro and sis, they are both still exhibiting the frustrating behaviors I mentioned last week.  It is still draining and exhausting, but on most days (not all) I'm feeling a bit stronger to deal with it.  These are the books I have on my nightstand:  The Strong-Willed Child; Parenting the Explosive Child; Love and Logic; You Can't Make Me, But I Can Be Persuaded; Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child and Warrior Prayers.  Each night when I lay down in bed, I have a plethora of experts just waiting to share their wisdom with me.  :)  I'm still very excited about the 21 day prayer challenge while reading through the Warrior Prayers book.  I'm sorry I didn't email back to each of you who said you will do the book with me, but I'm so grateful not to be in this alone!  Even if your son isn't getting out of time out by breaking his screen, jumping out his window, only to come back around the front of the house and into the hallway to taunt you where you are sitting in front of his bedroom door to make sure he doesn't leave the room....I hope it is a healthy and beneficial exercise for you too.  Leave a msg if you want me to email you the PDF.  I'm only on day 2, and to be honest, day 1 was hell in this household (and the window incident was last week!).  But I still read and prayed and was reminded how badly we need to take these trials to the Throne.

But on a lighter note, here are some pics from the last couple of weeks, especially of Ms. Bird, who hasn't been getting much air time on the ol' blog.  She now takes baths while her big bro takes showers, and she relishes the alone time and does lots of talking to herself and singing.  It's a happy place.  And it makes her hair crazy and fun--more than usual.

The first day we had a really sunny afternoon in March was like Christmas around here.  Everyone came outside to play and have a picnic, and while Carson was playing basketball, this one just laid down and soaked it in.  She didn't fall asleep here, but I thought she might.

 But another day she did crash on the couch.  She's still a finger-sucker, and I'm probably a horrible parent, but I'm not in a hurry to make her stop!  It's so cute and reminds me of when she was an infant.

 Carson has some friends in the neighborhood, and one is a sweet kinder girl from his class.  She has been taking karate for a few years, and so their favorite thing to do is stack up all the costco paper towels and toilet paper into a really tall tower, then she teaches him karate moves to knock them down. 

 They also have deep talks over sidewalk chalk.

 That's my girl!