Important details

This may only be funny to me, but I had to share.  Around President's Day, Carson came home and said he knew who Abraham Lincoln was.  Oh, good ol' reliable public schooling!  Thank you for teaching my son about such an important and inspiring historical figure.  First I saw the art project, then I asked Carson what he learned about Abraham Lincoln. 

 "He got shot in the neck at the movies."

I don't think it's really the teacher's fault that this tidbit (with anachronistic detail--it was the theater!  But probably not the movies) was the most interesting to my son.  That may be more of a personality thing.  He did manage to share a few more morsels of info, like that his friends called him "Abe" and he was our 16th president.  We're still working on the whole "helped to abolish slavery" factoid.

I've been churched.

I spent much of my childhood as a pastor's kid.  Even after that season ended, church was and has always been a big part of my life.  I've attended several, received a paycheck from two, sang in dozens, and peed in one baptistry.  Ha!  OK, I can't claim that.  It was my brother who peed in the baptistry, but it just seemed the perfect way to end that sentence.  I did drink my share of leftover communion juice in the prep room after service. Cup by tiny little cup. True story.

In our early married years, we were heavily involved at my home church, and I worked there in a few different positions over several years.  It was and always will feel like home to me.  I know every corner of that building and have endearing and/or embarassing stories about half the members. Don't get me wrong--it was messed up and flawed like every church is.  But my literal family attended there, plus a couple hundred other people that feel like family.  Then about 5 years ago we moved to a new town where Trent works, and started attending a new church.  It was a tough move for me and, to be honest, I kind of resigned myself to the fact that it would never be the same.  Never be as good.  Never feel like home.

But then...time passed.  We slowly started committing to different ministries.  Steadily attended the same service and started seeing the same faces...even in a large crowd.   Joined a small group and choir--well, I did. ;)  Signed up for Bible studies, retreats.  Went to BBQ's, potlucks and girls' night out.  Had dinners and playdates with acquaintances who slowly became friends.  Then good friends. Then walked into church one Sunday morning and realized it felt like home.

But what I really didn't expect was the way My Church has responded to our adoption.  From the minute I confidentially shared my heart with a couple choir members in January of 2010, we've felt nothing but support.  And not just the obvious kind [$$$], but they totally came through in that regard as well!  I'm talking about selfless and generous giving, texts, emails, letters, laywers and notaries donating their time and expertise, written prayers, verbal prayers, chosen Scripture verses for us and for Asher, sincere inquiries about how the process is going, how I'm doing, quickly followed by a temperature check to see if I'm sick of being asked about how the process is going and how I'm doing.  There are so many women I know who did not bat an eye when I passed out pictures of our son like a crazy grandmother...and then turned around and put his picture on their refrigerator like he was theirs.

But in the past week alone, I have been brought to tears several times by the compassion of my friends at this church.  A couple of my dearest friends went ahead and started planning a celebration/shower for Asher--even though I felt silly confessing that it would be nice to have one.  And if you know these friends, you'll know that it's going to be sentimental and unique and perfect for me.  I'm so humbled at the very thought of it!  We don't need a lot of things, but they already love my son and want to celebrate and honor him.

Then another friend, whom I know would prefer to stay anonymous, but her name rhymes with Schmandace, planned the most amazing gift for me.  She said the Lord kept bringing our family to her mind after our approval, and she's thinking (rightfully) that this last 3 month stretch before we meet Asher are going to be long and difficult.  So, God gave her the idea to round up a prayer army, and one of my precious friends is assigned to pray for our family of 5 every day between now and June 3rd.  They may or may not contact me on the day they are assigned.  Since Sunday, I've received emails, texts, cards and sbux delivered to my door, an ADOPTION HAIKU (!!), a muffin and card waiting for me at Bible study...each celebrating the day on the countdown and reminding me that they are thinking of us, interceding for us and asking the Lord to prepare Asher's heart for his transition into our family.  I'm pretty sure that since we have 87 days left, the same 8 friends will be getting lots of assigned days.  ;) 

I KNOW.  It's kind of ridiculously amazing how God knew all along that this is where I would be at this season, and prepared this group of people--I'm especially particular to all the girlfriends--to surround and sustain us.  My family and my Home church family have never wavered in their support--they are just as supportive and excited as I knew they would be!  But my joy is made even more complete by being a part of a local church who has jumped on board with the concept of adoption and are awaiting the arrival of our son, because he, too, will become part of their family.  One friend teasingly warned me that "He's not just your son.  It kind of feels he's a part of all of us!"  I couldn't be more thrilled with that thought.

It's a date!

We got a long-awaited call this morning.   Since June 16 when we got the referral of an adorable little chubby-cheeked boy, we knew that the next step in bringing him home would be first approval.  This is when a Thai government social worker, who has been assigned your case, presents it to the adoption board of the Department of Social Welfare, and they declare whether or not you are approved to adopt this child.  It takes so long because there is a huge pile, or queue, of cases to be presented, and the social workers are very busy--some more than others, it turns out.  We were told last summer that first approval would come in December and hopefully we'd travel in March. 

Weelllll...obviously that didn't happen.  It's been a good four weeks (which is not as long as some friends of ours, who went through the roller coaster for three months!) of being told it "should" happen this week and hopefully we'll hear news "tomorrow or the next day."  Seriously, it may not sound like a big deal, but for four weekends, I've been telling people that I should have good news on Monday, and then have nothing.  It got old quickly, so it was nice to finally have something to announce today!

Our agency called and said that we'd been given first approval.  And, in fact, we were granted first approval on February 15th, but the communication has been so lousy that no one knew it.  The paperwork that is produced from this approval, called Article 16, has already been issued for us!  This is great, because it can sometimes take up to a month or more for that.  Of course, that just means that we can go ahead and start the next truckload of paperwork.  Woohoo!

The bummer is the date of travel.  I was secretly hoping for late April, but assuming it would be May.  We are scheduled for the June 6th board meeting.  I did not hide my disappointment well on the phone.  "JUNE?!?!?!" I said in disgust.   She explained that there's still a lot of backlog from the floods (everything seems to be traced back to those stupid floods), and another friend was told that there is a large number of European families waiting to travel for court dates in Thailand, and they are mostly scheduled for the month of May.

I wallowed in the bad part of the news for a good few hours.  That will be 12 months from referral to travel.  Ugh.  Asher will be at least a month older than I had expected when we meet him.  We'll literally get home most likely on the last day of school for my big kids...dumping me straight into LONG summer days with NO plans with three kids and no schedule to keep Carson and Sydney entertained for at least a couple hours a day, while I get my feed under me about parenting an adopted, traumatized, jet-lagged toddler.  Plus, three months seems a long ways away from now.  (Someone told me it is 96 days.)

But then, after sharing the news with family and friends, their excitement has been completely contagious.  We have a date!  The way Holt trips work, you meet your kiddo on the Sunday before the board meeting, so we are scheduled to meet Asher on Sunday, June 3rd!  We can officially start a countdown.  We know there is a light at the end of this insanely torturous tunnel. 

The other wonderful part of the news is that two of my friends, who have been walking this journey with me (I'd say us, but really it's the mamas who connect the most) are schedule for the same board meeting!  So we'll be in country with some kindred spirits whom I've longed to meet--and as a bonus, I get to see their Thai baby girls!

I should probably give a disclaimer that the board dates are tentative until some of this paperwork goes back and forth between the two countries.  We won't start booking plane tickets for another month at least.  But the date rarely changes, so we're writing it on the calendar.  You can too.  ;)

Surprise gift

We got a wonderful surprise this week.  The BabyHawk baby carrier that I have drooled over for months arrived via UPS--without a card or receipt or any indication of who purchased it for us!  I know it has to be someone who reads my blog, b/c I only ever put the registry information here!  So, one of you amazing people has saved this frustrating week of "sorry, no news" from being completely depressing.  What a wonderful, thoughtful and GENEROUS gift!  I was planning to ask for the carrier as a gift if a group of people wanted to go in on it together.  I never thought someone would take the leap and get it for us, and yet I'm so thankful and grateful!

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I'm hoping that Asher weighs less than this almost-4 year old, but she let me try it out with her in it.  I tell you what--it is really comfortable!  We walked all the way around the block like this and my back didn't hurt at all!

 Isn't it cute too?  (But hopefully not to feminine for Trent--I'm sure he'll have his share of carrying duties.)

 When he put it on, both kids decided they wanted to be carried.

 The first day we got it, the kids gave it a trial run. I promise no one was harmed.  Except for their dignities when I share these and other photos when they are teenagers.

To our gracious gift-giver: THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts!  It's gestures like this that truly encourage and sustain us during this long home stretch!  I can't wait to have a picture with Asher sitting his little bum in that carrier.  :)

State of the Wait

This week is an anniversary of sorts.  It was 2 years ago that we sent our application for adoption to Holt.  Our first choice of country was Thailand, second choice Ethiopia.  Whoa.  When I think about that season, those intense weeks between the Haiti earthquake and pulling the proverbial trigger with that large envelope in the mailbox, I can't help but get emotional.  It was nothing like I've ever experienced before in my adult life.  The stirring in my heart and the clear--SO CRYSTAL CLEAR--moving of the Holy Spirit in the direction of adoption still brings me to my knees.  I remember at that time I had a Saturday morning walking buddy.   She was seeking the Lord for wisdom on whether or not she and her husband should have another child.  I was seeking to confirm if this decision was truly His or if it was an emotional reaction to the earthquake. I love looking back at that time and seeing how He answered.  For Becky--her baby girl just celebrated her first birthday.  :)  For me, God has provided confirmation time and again that yes.  We truly had heard His voice, and I'm so grateful we obeyed.

THE absolute largest reservation we had about adopting was the financial aspect.  It seemed insurmountable.  Outrageous and unrealistic.  Perhaps that is why God has chosen that special chapter of our story to reveal Himself in such outrageous and unrealistic ways.  I cringe when I think of how humbling it has been to ask for money.  Not even selling something--just asking for cash!  Oh, people.  That was so very hard.  But OH!  PEOPLE!  How you responded!  We didn't even have enough for the initial application fee!  And our loved ones provided before we could even ask.  I had to put a brazen (ha) plea for money to pay for our homestudy--it felt so callous and crude to use my blog for such a thing.  But God provided ears that heard it with compassion and not judgement.  (There was probably judgement too, but those ones kept their mouths shut!)  Two ginormous garage sales (that were stocked and run by volunteers for the cause), helped us make the payment for our dossier and and part of our program fee.  An especially humbling--yet rewarding--old fashioned fundraising letter campaign through Lifesong for Orphans helped us raise several thousand dollars. I can't tell you how amazing it was to watch the funds come in.  $10, $25, $40, $100, $400--IT ADDS UP. 

Just this last week I believe we have possibly received a pivotal confirmation of God's faithfulness.  A promised grant from over a year ago went through many stages and obstacles.  It was from a very honorable, but very small organization, and there were several unforeseen challenges and miscommunications.  At times we weren't sure it was coming.  And we drained every penny to cover that program fee last summer, so we have nothing for our travel expenses.  We got the check a few weeks ago...and it bounced.  Yep.  That was kind of scary.  But it turns out it was an oversight and was quickly rectified.  I redeposited again on Friday.  If it goes through--and I have no reason to believe that it won't--then we should have enough to pay for our travel.  Other than incidentals and little things like carseats and highchairs, WE ARE FULLY FUNDED!  Can you even imagine the joy that statement brings to me?!  Tears are streaming down my face at that knowledge.

I'll never forget singing and blogging HERE about the song "Great is Thy Faithfulness."  It was a huge leap of faith for us to make this decision with no way to pay for it.  But I so strongly felt the Lord telling me, " YOU WILL NOT BE ALONE."  And that has been true is so many, many ways!  We have felt more supported and uplifted and sustained over the last two years than I ever thought possible.  This is what I wrote 2 years ago:

"All I have needed Thy hand has provided. Great is Thy faithfulness to me."  I'm singing it in advance, knowing He will provide.

Jehovah Jirah, my provider!  As we have heard it said: He funds what He favors.  He favors adoption!  He cares for the fatherless, and will put a child in my waiting arms.  Yes, the wait is hard--harder than I ever imagined it would be.  (I probably should have been more worried about THAT than the finances!)  But He is also El Roi, the God who sees.  Who sees me and my husband in our impatience, who sees my older children in their ignorant excitement, who sees my youngest child in a faraway land, at times surrounded by floodwaters and poverty, and he CARES about every piece of this puzzle.  I believe it is His desire that Asher be a part of a forever family, a redemptive response to the loss he has (and will) suffer. 


Did I ever think we'd still be waiting after 2 years?  No.  But I also could never imagine the blessings and growth I'd receive JUST in the wait alone.  I can only imagine the joy, challenge, growth and blessings that will come we we truly BEGIN the adventure with this little man!

Wrong Order

Last night for Valentine's Day we had a special dinner, and I planned some chocolate fondue for dessert.  I needed some time to get it ready, so I had Trent take care of getting the kids their bath and shower.  It turns out that bathing BEFORE chocolate fondue is putting events in the wrong order.  But still fun. ;)

Little Nugget

This weekend I was looking at the new pictures of Asher again and I remembered a little nugget of information that Laura had told me about Asher...which in the business of the day and the excitement I had forgotten.  The foster mom said that Asher loves taking things apart--and attempting to put them back together.  He had a very primitive puzzle toy, and he would disassemble and reassemble it over and over again.  I don't know why, but this little tiny detail is so special to me.  And also makes me want to go shopping for the perfect puzzle toy for a 19 month old boy!

PS: If you are the praying type, the Thai adoption board meets again on Wednesday, which is tonight around 6pm west coast time, and we'd love your prayers.  ;)  We want our family's file to be presented for First Approval!

Oh happy day!

We got a wonderful surprise this morning.  I got a call during Bible study, and I saw it was our agency.  Now, you gotta know how much I love the study I'm doing.  It took a very important call to pull me away from my BFF Beth Moore!  Bless her heart, the first thing our rep told me was "I don't have any news on first approval for you."  Well, darn it!  But smart girl to lead with that.  "But, I wanted to let you know that when I was in Thailand last week, I visited your son."  !!!!  Tears sprung to my eyes immediately, I hadn't really thought that this would be a possibility!  I've never spoken to someone who has seen, touched, heard, smelled our little guy.  She got to spend a little time in his foster home and observe him and took notes, pictures and even a few short videos! 

I'll try to remember all the things she shared.  I've photo-dumped the pictures on our password protected site HERE and the password is my maiden name, all lower case.  If you'd like the password, leave a comment or email me at brazenlilly@gmail.com (I don't check it often, but I'll try to!).  She also sent a couple very short videos, but wordpress doesn't like the format, so you may not get to see those unless you are a friend of mine on FB!  I will say--they had him wearing a shirt of Carson's that we sent several months back, and a little baseball hat on backwards!  It was perfect. I think it may become his signature style.  Oh, and some pink.  He's wearing pink shorts and sandals!  Love it.

First, she said Asher looks very happy and healthy.  He has a couple spots on his face, but she said the foster mom thinks they are bug bites or a small rash. It is not typical and has only been there for a few days.  She said he has grown out of all the clothes we have sent!  Laura, our rep, gently said she wanted to warn me that of all the foster kids she visited, Asher was probably the most reserved & guarded, the most unwilling to come near her.  Foster mom said she can't think of any other white people he'd ever seen, so he was pretty taken aback.   We are preparing ourselves mentally--as much as you can without living it--for a traumatized and grieving little man.  But we are so, SO grateful for the steady love and affection he's received from this family since he was 4 days old.

Asher is very attached to his foster mom, and she is very natural and fun with him.  She's a younger mom and even though she had her own baby a couple months ago (news to us!) she has lots of energy and played with Asher. He says bye to his foster dad each day when he heads out to work. He says several words in Thai--including the names of all the family members.  She said one little game he was playing while she was there was to "go shopping."  They handed him a handful of bat (Thai money) and he would walk around the room and give a little bit of it to each person, jibber-jabbering to himself. 

The other important piece of information that Laura passed on was that she had a sit-down meeting with social workers from the Thai government--this is separate from our sister agency.  They are the ones who have our case right now, the ones we are waiting on.  She said she firmly conveyed to them the importance of catching up on the files that have been delayed, and tried to remind these workers that these papers represent families who have already become attached to these children, who have a permanent home ready for them, and that it is important to catch up from the delays caused by the floods.  She specifically pleaded for three cases that are delayed, and ours was one of them.  That was huge for me--to know that someone was there speaking for us, advocating for our family.  She said communication has been bad between countries this week, but there is still a possibility that our family was given first approval last week.  However, the more likely situation is that we will be presented next Wednesday, February 15th.  

That's definitely what we are hoping and praying for, but the Lord knows how my waiting heart has been soothed today with this blessing.  Although, I'm even MORE anxious to get to him and begin the rough transition so we can enjoy our little man!  Thank you all for being excited with us...it makes the joys more joyful and the lows more endurable.

Looking OUT

I once gave an inspirational/devotional type talk and I encouraged the women listening that if they were ever feeling down or sorry for themselves, the best cure is to focus on someone other than yourself.   Look OUT rather than IN.  Time to take my own medicine!  (PS: Our agency has not heard anything from the Thai gov, which leads me to believe our case was not presented last week.  One of the Holt reps was in country last week and returns later this week, so hopefully when she is settled she can shed some light on the situation.)

A few of you long-timers remember that the earthquake in Haiti in January of 2010 was a big deal--and a big deal to me.  It truly was a catalyst in our decision to adopt.  I had a group of friends who were in Haiti at the time doing short-term mission work, and I also had a friend there (Kristen) who was visiting the son she planned to adopt--but had not been granted approval.  I knew that her son was living in a children's home run by Heartline ministries, and Kristen was visiting some friends/missionaries in Port-au-Prince named the Livesays.  Well, it's been two years and I've still been following the Livesays blog and their ministry in Haiti.  From what I understand, in the aftermath of the earthquake, Heartline increased it's focus on prenatal care and infant/early childhood education.  There is a HUGE need in Haiti...there is very little education on how to have a healthy pregnancy and delivery, and the medical care is rare and inadequate.  Far too many mothers and newborns die without basic & proper care. (Not to mention the chronic mistreatment of women that leaves many of these women as single mothers.)  Heartline takes on 35 pregnant women in their prenatal program at a time and usually provide a safe place to deliver.  The coordinators of the program recently posted pictures of most of the women in the program and asked for prayer.  To be honest, I was kind of daunted by the prospect.  Then I realized that people around the globe were "claiming" one or two of these mamas--to commit to praying for them regularly through (and after?) delivery. 

I thought--I can do this!  I can focus on two women a half a world away and whenever I start feeling sorry for myself and this waiting game for my son, I'll think about them and their waiting game...in which the stakes are tremendously high and the resources are night and day from my own.  I have chosen 2 of the women from THIS PAGE to be praying for...and you better believe I'll be following the blogs closely when their due dates near! 

The first is Loudia, and the only thing I know about her is that she is 17 years old, due April 7th, and this is her first baby.

 I also chose Patricia.  Her beautiful face jumped out at me, and so did the information below her pic: 21 years old, due July 21, third pregnancy--no living children.  I just can't help but wonder about her story.  How did she lose those other children--miscarriage?  Stillborn?  Death as infants?  Whatever the situation, I want so badly for this third pregnancy to be the one that brings her a healthy child who lives into adulthood. I can't imagine the hope she has resting on this little life.

 I'll try my best to pass on any information about Loudia and Patricia if I hear any. So what about you?  How do you look OUT and focus on someone else? 

Let's get this train back on track.

Sometimes I get caught in a lousy streak--a lousy parenting streak to be specific.  I can't tell you how many times my TWO healthy kids have driven me bonkers, and I've started comparing myself to other moms who have more children or children with special needs or difficult life circumstances, and I begin to think that a well-trained labradoodle could do a better job at raising these small people than I am.  And just when I've mentally crafted my craigslist ad for a nanny, God sends me a sunny day.  A day when [literally] it is not raining, when my kids aren't yelling at each other, I have a plan for dinner that someone might eat, and maybe someone even makes a special card for me during quiet time. It looks a little like this:

It's all good!

I usually hate it when people say that.  "It's all good!" Sometimes they just sound like pot-smoking hippies and they are almost always saying it when "IT" is definitely not "ALL" good.  It's kind of like "LOL" in person.  It means "This is uncomfortable and I just don't know what else to say."  But I'm feeling pretty pumped right now for a lot of good things happening around me--even if the one piece of news that would greatly affect me (finding out if we were presented at the Thai adoption board on Wednesday) hasn't made it's way to me yet!  We've been told to expect news next week sometime.

BUT!  In case you haven't heard about the MIRACLE, the news that made the doctor's jaw drop, please go RIGHT NOW to my sis-in-law's blog, Choosing Hope.  Basically, they were told about 20 times in the last 7 weeks that there's no way a healthy embryo is in that uterus.  BaBAM!  Ultrasound shows heartbeat and healthy embryo.  They are not out of the woods, this is still a very high-risk pregnancy, but we are thanking the Lord that He has brought them and this little life further than any medical professional predicted.  My kids have only known for 4 days and they remind me often to remember to pray for the baby in Aunt Jess' tummy--like I could forget!  This is HUGE, people.  HUGE!

Also, I just got back a gathering of friends to love on and pray for sweet Erika who is getting ready to travel to Eastern Europe for one of THREE trips required in order to adopt their daughter, Rush.  Check out her blog and her story over on the links to the right, under Redeeming Our Daughter.  I'll never forget when I came across the post that shares their story.  I was hooked and knew I needed to get to know this girl who went to my church, we just hadn't met!  I loved when she said she was just looking at the pics of the children "with only the intention to pray for all these sweet faces, when I came across a photo of a little girl. From the moment I saw her, God wrote her on my heart."  I was blessed to be a part of praying over Erika, Rush and their whole family as they make important steps (which really feels like jumping through hoops) towards bringing her into their family forever.  At least these next steps will bring them face to face with Rush, even if they can't bring her home just yet.

Also, my Thailand people are having good things happen!  I've heard that relationships are stronger when forged under intense circumstances.  This explains the bond I feel to the people (OK, mostly the women--the moms, with a few male exceptions!) that I've met and connected with who are in the process of adopting from Thailand.  We literally "talk" almost every day.  We know each other's deepest adoption fears, confess when we want to throw in the towel and can share when we get good news--even if the other person hasn't.  One of those people, Angie, is in Thailand right now and has finally met and been given custody of her daughter, Lydia.  People.  This family was put through the RINGER--delays like none of us could ever have imagined.  I'm SO. HAPPY they finally have her!  Two other dear friends, Mama K and Mr. Tiger's Mom who were forced on a nightmare roller coaster of waiting for 1st approval that lasted months--were FINALLY granted the papers they needed, and they WILL be traveling to meet their children in March!

I don't know if our papers came through.  I don't really understand why, in this day and age, it takes 5-6 business days to communicate the information of "yes" or "no." But even if our family's case was not presented and we are thrown into the waiting cycle again?  It's OK.  And I know that I have loved ones who are still dealing with some pretty crappy stuff.  But for now, I'm not gonna dwell on that. I'm gonna dwell on the positive.  I'm sustained by all the joy I see around me--most of it is Mama Joy, which is my favorite kind.  So right now?  It's all good.

Oh yeah. I'm that awesome.

I think the Lord likes to keep me humble.  Just in case I get the kids to school on time two days in a row with combed hair, clean undies and  no peanut butter on their faces.  I mean, that, right there, makes me feel like World's Best Mom. Victory!  I'm awesome! But then I have a moment that brings me back to reality. 

I had a chance to make a quick dash to Target by myself this weekend-- a treat!  But I was short on time and rushing.  As I pulled into a parking spot, I hopped out and remembered to lock the door of our corolla--it's old school and you have to push the lock down before closing the door.  I did NOT, however, remember that in a standard transmission, the e-brake is not optional.  As I started walking away, my car started rolling backwards.  Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap! I squealed and panicked.  I didn't know if I should first a) stop the car from rolling or b) unlock the car.  But I had thrown my keys into my bottomless-pit-purse!  So I was trying to stop the car by holding onto the handle.  ????  Why, Jen? Why?  The car obviously did not respond to such a weak attempt to stop it's natural progression back into oncoming traffic, so I ran to the trunk and stopped it with my body (I knew those extra pounds would come in handy!) while I dug for the keys.  Then I RAN back to the driver's side door, quickly unlocked it (while it was rolling some more), and dove in to pull the e-brake. Whew!  I took a moment to catch my breath and smell my pits to make sure the sudden exertion of so much energy wasn't making me too stinky.  Had I put on deodorant that morning?  I took another sniff to try to remember. Then I sat down properly, started the car up again, and pulled forward 5 feet, so I could occupy the parking space. 

Ok, no harm done.  No one is walking by.  Oh, but hello!  There is a young couple sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME, sipping their lattes and watching the entire scene from the comfort of their SUV.  WHY would they just be sitting there in their car in the Target parking lot?  Just to mock me, clearly. They were obviously amused.   I, of course, pretended I didn't see them, and just to prove to them that I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED, I picked my nose and flicked a booger on their windshield.  Ha!  I'm just kidding.  I would never do that.  But I did get a wedgie out of my bum as I walked away in their line of sight.

Aaaaaaaaaand......SCENE.

She looks familiar

I posted this on FB too, but in case you missed it:

We saw a short trailer for the new Pixar movie, called BRAVE.  It's supposed to come out this summer, and we are HUGE Pixar fans.  (Maybe you remember a completely random post where I rated all the current Pixar movies in order of my preference.)  This new movie is Pixar's first feature film with a female lead, and we think she looks pretty familiar...



Retail Therapy

I realized I haven't blogged since the non-update, and I probably didn't have the heart to publicize that we got notice from our agency that there will be no re-do or make-up progress report for the kiddos that missed them in December.  The flat-out truth is that the flood made it impossible for a normal social worker visit last fall (including a dr's appointment, development assessment and pictures), and so we will not be receiving another update until the scheduled one in March.  I keep telling myself that someday we'll tell Asher about these months of waiting as a well-rehearsed story.  Kind of like I tell my bio kids about their labor and delivery.  Instead of painful contractions, we'll talk about painful waiting periods and dramatic stretches of time--"And then we had to wait six months with NO new pictures or information on how you were doing!  We were going crazy!"

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Our hearts right now are with the families who received referrals last March, who thought they would be home with their kiddos right now.  There is a cog in the government machine in Thailand right now, and their files have not been presented to the adoption board, which is what must take place in order to receive what is called "First Approval."  (Did I already explain this?)  Once your case is presented (by a Thai government social worker TO the Thai adoption board), you are granted First Approval.  Basically, this is when it gets real and papers start going back and forth between Thailand, our agency, our family, the USCIS, back to Thailand, etc.  It's when we start looking at plane tickets, tentative court dates, etc.    I had a long chat with our agency last week, and basically they do not know exactly where our family is in the queue of files to be presented at the adoption board meetings, but they anticipate it will be in February or March.  The dates are Feb 1 & 15, March 8 & 21st.  As of right now, travel usually follows about 10-11 weeks after first approval.  Because they cannot guarantee when we will get approval, we are having to update our home study and our I-800A, which is a bunch of work.  Boo.

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Some days I truly feel the excitement of this fact: we are in the home stretch!  There is every reason to believe we'll have Asher in our home by summer.  Other days, it seems like an endless limbo.  And on those days, I do some virtual shopping!  I don't think we'll have a typical baby shower, b/c it seems kind of strange to have one for a toddler when he's a third child, but I have slowly been compiling a list of wants and needs.  One thing I know we wanted was a heavy-duty toddler carrier.  I did a lot of research and we (by we, I'm sure you know I mean "I") decided on a Baby Hawk.  They are not cheap, but the one we registered for is specifically made for toddlers, and can be front/back carrier.  The website is babyhawk.com and we chose the Oh Snap! Carrier.  Ironically, it has no snaps, only buckles.  (???)  Our registry is AJC36DD103.   This was a big decision, like a wedding dress, so thanks for not telling me if you had a bad experience with these or if you think I made the wrong choice in carriers.  :)

I also started a wish list at Amazon.com.  We don't need a lot of baby items on a typical baby registry, but one of my friends suggested the amazon thing.  We put all kinds of smallish items like adoption books, books that have asian children in them, toddler flashcards, plus a few bigger things like a wagon.  (That's definitely more want than need.)  Often when we are shopping with my kids and they see something they want, I tell them we will put it on their wish list.  Turns out, that is a good tactic!  It even helps me!  I might not be able to buy all of these things, and don't expect others to buy all of them, but it is fun to distract myself from the horrid wait by mentally spoiling our little man.

The non-update update.

I've re-written this post twice.  This is take #3.  I needed a few hours distance to clear my head before publishing and I'm glad I did.  My first two drafts were super long and angsty, and kind of full of long descriptions of why you should feel sorry for me.   I laid out all the bad luck timing of being in the Thailand program at this time and the trifecta of unusual circumstances that have led to delays and frustrations.  So, instead of those drafts, I'll try to summarize the facts and my feelings.  I think we all know that summarizing long stories into short stories is not my strength, so be patient with me!

Here's the good news:
*We got a correspondence from our agency today about Asher.
*It had a picture of him that we had not seen before.
*It was a really cute picture.  (You can see it here.)  The password is my maiden name, all lower case.  If you need the password, leave a comment or email me at brazenlilly@gmail.com.  But I'll only check that email regularly for about a week after posting this, so commenting is the best way to get my attention.)
*We found out a few specific details about how his foster family managed during the flooding.  The report said that they were severely affected, but that they live in a "stilt" house, and were able to move important items and all family members to the second floor, and have continued to live there with some normalcy.  All family members are safe and doing well in their "psycho-emotional condition."  :)  There is flooding surrounding their home.  The report did not clarify if/when the flooding has receded, but said that HSF is in near-daily phone contact with them, and delivers supplies by boat once a week.

Here's the frustrating news:
*We were expecting a full report (including 3-5 pictures) about Asher's development and well being, and we received no information, other than a check box saying that he is "falling behind" in all developmental expectations. The lack of information is due to the social workers not being able to conduct their routine visits because of the severe flooding.
*The one picture we received was very low resolution (too small to print even a 4x6) and it was taken in June, with the last batch of pictures we received this fall.  This is kind of frustrating for 2 reasons.  First, it's not any more recent than what we had seen, and also makes me feel a little frustrated knowing that they have not included all available pictures in previous reports.  Trying not to dwell on that.
* Basically, we have no specific information or pictures of Asher from the last 6 months, and it is hard to know that he has surely changed so very much in that time.  He is now 15 months old.  We were planning to see pictures from September, perhaps with him wearing or holding something we sent him after the referral in June.

Here's the most important news that I need to focus on:
*Our son and his foster family are safe.  Hundreds of people lost their lives, thousands more lost jobs and homes in this catastrophe, so this is no small praise.


Our agency has acknowledged that many of the reports were "vague" because of the lack of ability to get the children to their doctor's appointments and have the regular lengthy visits with the children.  The offices in the US have requested to the Thai offices that they obtain and send any new information or pictures when available, and not wait until March if possible.  (That is when we are scheduled to receive another update.)

For those who are wondering, I hesitate to even make a guess as to when we will travel to Thailand to bring Asher home.  There are 2 families who received referrals in March 2011 (we received in June) who are still waiting to get their first approval.  They have been told they "should" receive that approval on January 4th.  (Actually, they were originally told it could happen in October or November.)  If they do, they will most likely travel in mid-March.  I have no idea if that means our paperwork will be precisely 3 months behind them and we'll travel in June, but of course we are hoping and praying that is not the case.  We are hoping the Thai adoption board is working hard to catch up on all the delays from the Nativeland tours this summer and the flooding this fall, and that we will receive our approval...soon.  That's all I have the heart to hope for right now, because unmet expectations are going to be the death of me.

Thanks for all your support, questions, prayers, positive comments and thoughts!  It absolutely does help.

But it's a useful obsession, see?

A couple posts back (so, pretty much the other one I did this entire fall) I mentioned that I'd held off on a new internet sensation called Pinterest.  I didn't start using it when so many of my friends did.  See how strong I am?  Well, turns out, that's all a facade.  I'm weak, weak, weak!  In November I joined and jumped in with both feet and really, really love it.  If you don't know what Pinterest is, I don't want to take time explaining it, so ask a friend or ask me for an invitation and go check it out! It was just what I needed to get a little inspired--inspired to do new stuff and even though it provides another way to spend time on the computer, it also has motivated me to get away from the computer and DO stuff. I am not exaggerating when I say that I've probably tried at least 10-12 new dinner recipes in the last 6 weeks.  Not all were winners, but it's so nice to break out of the rut. 

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I also went to Pinterest for ideas for teacher gifts.  These were the finished result (2 of the 5 I ended up making) and it was all from ideas I found on the site. 

 Another fun trend I'm seeing on Pinterest is ideas for activities and crafts to do with kids.  I tried two of them out on the same day last week before Christmas and actually remembered to take pictures.  This first one involved paint, and my children are obsessed with paint.  Painting is right up there with play-doh on activities I dread.  But I busted out the new paint project because I love them and I'm such an amazingly nice mommy.  You put a few dollops of paint on some paper in a large, wide plastic bin, and then throw in a handful of marbles and let them roll around and do the painting work.  It turned out pretty neat looking!

I usually make both kids strip down when paint is involved, especially Syd, who is at an incredibly clumsy and awkward phase.  (Last week she spilled her goldfish FIVE times.  The SAME bowl of goldfish crackers.  5 times. OH MY WORD.)  But I also don't really like posting pictures of my daughter clearly t0ples$--even though she's only 3, it just doesn't sit well with me--so I drew her a shirt in photoshop.  haha!  I crack myself up. 

 I can't stop giggling about the purple digi-shirt!

The next activity we did later the same day and it involved crepe paper and masking tape.  It's called "Laser Practice."  Get it?!  I did the first half of the hallway to get them (ok, especially him) pumped up, then Carson finished the rest.  I highly recommend this activity.  It entertained my kids for almost 30 minutes, which is some kind of record around here.  The only problem was they wanted to leave it up for daddy, so every time I went to the bathroom or to my bedroom I had to crawl and contort through the lasers.  But still?  Worth it!

So, in summary?  I heart Pinterest.  If you need proof, look up the recipe for Cranberry Bliss Bars.  Make them.  You, too, will be converted.

So, Christmas happened.

Since I haven't been great at blogging or posting pictures, I thought I'd give an obligatory post that has both.  This will mainly be for my extended family that doesn't check facebook and the stalkers--some of you fall into both categories.

This is the best family shot of the season.  Soon I will have an annual series of Christmas Eve shots when Sydney is so tired she is sucking on her fingers.  I know for sure this is #2. 

Oh, yep, see I found this one from 2009.

But anyway, back to the 2011 play by play: on Christmas Eve, we spent the day with my family.  The girl cousins are getting to a fun age (3 and 2) where they can play together and enjoy each other's company.

Here's Bapaw Roy and his oldest grandchild.

I'm kind of in love with this picture of my daughter  She's patiently waiting for presents.

Fun fact about my parents: they LOVE movies.  They love collecting DVD's and they actually WATCH them.  Each year they like to give each other DVD's and instead of writing the actual to/from, they use that as a clue for what movie is inside.  For instance, it might say "To: Elizabeth,  From: Mr. Darcy" but that would be WAY too amateur for them.  Now they mix characters and actors and really make it tricky.  I love it.  This is my mom trying to figure it out:

Thirty-nine years last week, baby!

Aw, look at those two adorkables.  And HALLELUJAH for a new DVD player!  The one we have now was free from Trent's work as a 5 year gift.  It gets overheated after being on for 75 minutes, which turns out is a very inconvenient time in most movies for your DVD player to stop working.

This is my brother, Mike, and his son, Jack.  Really, you think they look alike?  Huh.  I just don't see it.

Beautiful Becky and little Kate/Katie/Kaitlyn/Katiebug.

We had our own Christmas morning together, and even had a few gifts for Asher.  Again, probably due to denial and busy-ness, but I was able to mostly keep the sadness in check.  Only got teary a few times about not having him here.  But as far as pictures from our morning...none turned out very well, so I'll skip ahead to Christmas morning at my in-laws.  Before church, the aunties let the kids open a couple stocking gifts.  This turned out to be a brilliant plan.  Sydney received a fancy black purse AND a bag of "real" make-up.  Fortunately "real" means that it is not plastic, but it also means that it does not show up at all on skin.  She. Was. Obsessed.

Syd took her make up in her new purse to church and it successfully distracted her for much of the service.  She was very seriously doing her own make up and generously offering to do mine, Michelle's and Carson's.  The bag came with a little stamp and even though it had no ink, she walked down the aisle stamping the backs of all of our hands.

Doesn't Aunt Shell's make-up look pretty?!

This is Uncle Chad, working his musical magic on the mini guitar.  I just want to say the reason I have no pictures of Auntie Tara is that she had just worked an all night shift and was understandably not in the mood to be photographed.  She was doing well just to be physically present.

More Auntie love!  This is the adored Aunt Jess (married to Uncle Chad).

What six year old boy doesn't need Spy Glasses?  The edges of the lenses are mirrors, so you can see behind you!

These are my wonderful in-laws!

Of course Bapaw Phil lets Sydney help him open his gifts.

This was a funny and memorable moment.  Carson has been asking--no, begging!--for a set of drums.  Michelle and Tara got them for him, but didn't put his name on the box.  It was the last gift to be opened, and they handed it to Chad as though it was for him.  Chad played the part well and was ECSTATIC about his new drums!  Carson handled the competition well and fought for his precious drums!  "No!  They're for ME!  They have to be for ME!"

He emerged victorious, and we stocked up on ear plugs and Excedrin.

I hope your Christmas was blessed as well!